yaminagabe's reviews
381 reviews

 - to be aware but not to be awre, to hold the truth and lying at the same process. It is defined by having opposing beliefs at once, believing both are true. 

 - To believed in lies when they were false. 

My point is, doublethink has a sense of paradoxical hypocrisy. 

2. Language is a powerful and indispensable tool of mankind but also potentially destructive. It can be manipulated to control people's thought and action. 

4. Historical revision is dangerous and be used to manipulate people's understanding of the truth 

I keep on eyeing this book for so long. And then a fellow rommie recommended this self-help guide. It is about how the author makes an argument regarding that human beings are flawed and limited. It's all about embracing our fears and uncertainties which once we stop running from and avoiding and start confronting, painful truths--we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek. It's typical real talk. A comical yet sincerely ridiculous with facts. Filled with entertaining stories and profane ruthless humor. According to the review, this manifesto is a refreshing slap in the face for all of us, so that we can start to lead more contented, grounded lives.

The following things I've learned by chapters:

1. Don't Try
It doesn't mean you don't have to try anything. But be lesser in giving a f*** about everything. Just value the things what truly matters. Invest your time and stop overthinking about the future. Don't envision the results if you can''t even endured the pain of the process. Just let it be because life is full of suffering. No matter how many times you keep pondering the thought of how to become successful without even acknowledging the thought of failure, then just shut up and don't do anything.

2. Happiness Is A Problem
You can't learned happiness without experiencing the essence of pain. You will recognized what is happiness because you've been through to a form of struggle. Pain is important of our well-being. Whether it breaks you or strengthen you, at the end of the day, you are responsible for how you cope up this emotions. 

Happiness comes from solving problems. Although, problems never stop, they merely get exchanged or upgraded.

A wallflower is someone who's so shy that they typically stand or sit alone rather than engaging with a larger group. If you tend to be introverted and a bit awkward at parties, you might describe yourself as a wallflower.

Throughout the 1991–1992 school year, Charlie, the fifteen-year-old (later sixteen-year-old) protagonist, begins writing letters about his own life to an unknown recipient addressed, "Dear Friend." In these letters, he discusses his freshman year of high school and his struggles with two traumatic experiences: the suicide of his only middle-school friend, Michael Dobson, and the death of his favorite aunt, Helen who keeps haunting him.

He meet new friends named Patrick, the queer whose having a secretly affair with his fellow senior jock. And Sam, Patrick's stepsister, revealed to be engaged on sexually abusive childhood. During those times, Charlie drastically experienced changes on his environment that is no longer bond on his comfort zone. The adventurous phase of finding yourself. Enjoying what youth has to offer. Wild and free even if its temporarilyf filling those gaps and holes. Charlie seems making layers and layers on his mind just to cover up his terrible past.

The book addresses a range of themes of teenage reality and nostalgia. Which also include drugs, friendship, body image, first love, suicide, eating disorders, mental condition and sexuality. Chbosky highlights the importance of entertainment in adolescence: "Books, songs, and movies are more than [just] entertainment when we're young: They help all of us discover who we are, what we believe, and what we hope our life can be. Which totally relatable during my time here at college. 

It is also about acceptance and forgiveness for yourself. Charlie subconsciously blaming himself of the death of someone he loves yet, he find a desire to continue to live because of that. He look forward when certain people pull him from those orifices. It is always important that we would be surrounded by a lot of people. It is important we have someone by our side. Strength comes from people. And we should cherished them. Cherished what we had, even if its just a fleeting moments. 

"We are both silent even when I'm loud. Terrified to say we don't want to hear ourselves. Terrified that if we say it once, everything will open up, we'll be cracked apart and what if there is no way to seal it all back up?"

I have thought the same thing. This book oddly resembles like the entire predicaments we have from those past 7 months of my father's passing. And even later and before that days. Those moments that I felt I was being tied. My throat was too tight to produce words out of my tongue. It gets tighter when I wanted to say things, but I just leave it with my conflicted thoughts. Even if I start waging war up against my own inner conscious. I can't tell him how I really felt about him, "I have suffered alongside with him". I can't bluntly spewed those words into his face. He can't bare. I can't bare his level of sensitivity. He will be hurt. When I already felt most of the pain while he was just continuing to make me feel miserable and I highly doubt he didn't even noticed it. His ignorance were not considered as a bliss to the people who have experienced being with him. I hate myself for thinking that way. And Evangeline felt the same way too. She do forgive but never forget. Wounds might heal, but scars will still remians. My father was the same as her Dad. Although, he wasn't a druggie as what the story implies. He might be living, away from heinous crimes and deceitful livelihood but my father still lacks the concept of a paternal support, the responsibility and obligation of a family's foundation and what truly matters for all of us.

"Your father says death will come for you, that everything will come for you, even if you are an island, even if you believe that things last forever. That all of this living forever is tiring"

Until my father succumbed to death without me telling him anything. Me, without talking things out. Me, who were just left even more miserable. Until now, I gradually carry this heavy load. I can't seems to let go of it easily unlike Evie. They were a lot of things that has been left unsaid and he should definitely listened to all of those things I kept hidden for soooo long. And it all went away. Just like how he went underground. Stagnant. Infested with creatures. Rotten. Thus somehow, be part of the cycle, over and over again.

This book truly speaks to me. I can feel some of the conversation between the author. Not just about our fathers. But also, how our mothers we're quite the opposites. How we have someone we can rely on and at the same time would be the caused of our greatest pain due to betrayal and ungodly illicited affairs.

It was touching. Reveries and woe. Yes. I was becoming emotional just from the few passage beca se it was oddly relatable. I felt intertwined with this book. Exactly when the first thing I've lay my eyes on the cover, I wasn't wrong of picking you up.

Thank you so much for such a wonderful read. And I agree that people might hate-and-loved this story. 

• Why did you read Pearl Boy? What motivates you to do so?

It wasn't exactly my intention reading smut. Especially a graphic novel with vivid illustration and details of grotesque, sexual violence, rape, obssessive-compulsive characteristics, manipulative antagonist,  and upside-down harassment which a pure depiction of disturbing masterpiece. Yes. Whether my consciousness was still against the thought of claiming it as a masterpiece, I cannot deny the fact that it was an exquisite and explicit find, in a complimentary way. But still, the devilish  portrayal of the pathetic Jooha being exploited, rape, assaulted like for how many several rounds makes my head spinned and almost throw up. Just because he produces those expensive pearls doesn't mean that he would suffer in this such unimaginable way! I almost convinced myself that the author might have been suffering from PTSD. This wasn't just some sort of past time for a writer to write! Zoy might loose her screws! This is total definition of UNPLEASANT! It's one of the WHAT THE F**K DID I JUST READ, this year. What a New Year to Read int nsifies horror.

• Based on your statement on the first question, is this one of your homophobic tendecies?
 
No. I was just disturbed of how they do that to a pathetic twig. He was pure and innocent at first glance. He doesn't have to be treated that way. Which what makes a story looks appealing and ridiculously disturbing by the way. Good thing, this Dooshik guy was there, because Pilwon was definitely a retard psychopath!

• What are the traits that you find lovable from the characters?
 
 Dooshik for one thing was a walking in between green and red flag. He was green because he cherished Jooha in which nothing compares with anyone. He treats him like no other, loved him like nothing else comes first but him. The way he handles the situation, how he goes crazy about him. How he managed to take good care of him. The way he raised his fist just to protect what he loves. Damn! A PERFECT HUSBAND MATERIAL! And what makes sadder, he DIDN'T EVEN EXIST! A GUY LIKE HIM! His being red when he goes berserk. Jooha for one thing was just naive and kind. That's why he got entangled with such conflicted situation. Yet, Jooha was just another victim from such cruel fate but still I get enough with his adorablenes! (Just f*** you author-nim for giving me sh*tty trauma (T - T)). 

Overall,  for one thing. They were definitely the perfect couple so far I read this month for LGBTQ romance.  But I can't over about the fact that Dooshik will do anything, even the greatest sin for an act of kindness and devotion towards Jooha, as long as the past were concealed, he will do anything just so that it will never be re-surface again! *I'm crying! 

I remember this book when I was first introduced to the world of wattpad. I was really curious about the content and imagining some diverseness genres it possessed. I was so obssessive with the thought of reading all of the ebooks out there, in that platform, truly oblivious when we estimated it was almost a millions of stories existed and yet to be discovered. It took 8-10 years I guess after finally grabbed a hand on this book in physical! I'm  overwhelmingly satisfied. I bought it on a pop store at our town last month of November with a mark down price. Truly happy and contented. 

Okay, so the story was all about these self-proclaimed 'iconic' popular girls in highschool hanging out together like any other typical girls would do with their youth, being pretty, easygoing, wild and care-free. Mckenna, the girl from being fat-geeky teenager to a hot deadly gorgeous chick over summer transformation was finally caught Olivia's attention, the campus Queen and welcomed Mckenna with her popular circle of friends. 

My first impression with this short shounen-ai manga, it was a delicate, intricately rich with details on each panels, vividly illustrated with certain dialogues that adding the sense of the story. In short, it was beautiful well written and drawned by the author. It was very rare for me to came acrossed with this kind of masterpiece. I might sound exaggerating my compliments but this is truly an art and a touching story which such a sight to behold! I was very grateful that I've came acrossed with this manga! I only read it on electronic devices yet I was demanding for a physical book!

It was about an assassin who can't bring himself to kill people and a blind young man who were also engaged from his dreadful past.

"If you knew the real me, you'd be disappointed. . ."

Born into a family of assassins and living in a world of darkness, Chinatsu has been unable to kill anyone due to his past trauma. When Chinatsu's brother died before his very eyes, he became inflicted with misery and suddenly a boy reached out a hand to him. That scene is still burned into his mind. While having the same nightmare yet again, Chinatsu happens to see the boy from that day, Kasumi. Unable to leave the blind boy alone, Chinatsu unexpectedly becomes his "friend", but Chinatsu, who suffers from his family's curse, and Kasumi, who despite his blindness is spirited and pure, partly became more and more attached to Chinatsu not until he developed conflicted emotions toward the lad whether it was love or just empathy for being guilt-ridden from his past. .

This is a story of salvation that melts the loneliness of two people living in abyss, facing different darkness and finding similarities of longing. .

Out of the Blue by Sophie Cameron came in my shopping list accidentally when it was on 12.12 Christmas Sale at NBS Warehouse. I only purchased it for 50.00Php(1$). At first glance, I was interested by the dust jacket itself (too shallow of me to based such judgement on a book cover). Feathers symbolized peace and harmony only to be the story doesn't quite match of what the cover emphasized.

So here it is, the world suddenly caused a stirred when mythical creatures started to fall and descended upon surface of the earth. People regarded them as 'Beings' since their origin and nature's identity was still unknown. They've strongly resembles to an angel since they have an otherwordly characteristic of having a pair of wings like aves, paletted with mesmerizing colours, velveteen and delicate feathers, impeccable and fascinating beauty that no one has ever witnessed before, even the word 'marred' doesn't seems acquainted with their unequivocal features, thus the way they spoke as if they sang lyrical anthems, which strongly based according to the aspects of theological theory and the discussion of religion which depicted on holy testaments as what most people claim. Although, how come they've started falling from the sky? As if the gods cast them downed on purposed? Are they been condemned, banished from the face of heavens only to he tormented here on the surface of the earth? Their existence itself might truly suggested and proved that Heaven & Hell existed in the first place and religion weren't just reflected upon superstitious beliefs(?)

But the flow of the story doesn't much focused on those complicated question at all. Although, the book stick with that idea, it mainly focuses on how does it affect the lives on people that dwells here on earth. Like, Jaya's family.

Jaya was introduced to me as a lesbiana, a kid who started to become distant with her family after her Mom died due to an unfo tunate accident. Her Dad became obssessive with the 'falling-being' phenomena, along with her sister, Rani, who became his assistant that supported his delusions. He even quitted his job and neglected his paternal duties just to begin this futile chase and hunt. He dedicated most of his role just to catch a being which is entirely impossible from Jaya's perspective. She hated the sight of his dad being enthralled and doing extreme measures just to get one. As if her Mom's death wasn't any some sort of importance and forgetting just as the day came and passed by like yesterday. She was still in a phase of mourning. And witnessing her Dad seems doesn't budge nor care of what happened, infuriates her.

Until, an unprecedented encounter had occured. Jaya stumbled upon the fall of a Being upon her feet. Decided not to notify her family and keeps it a secret instead. She hides the angel which later on named as Teacake, since the alienated-creature was a sweet enthusiasts. Jaya meet Allie & Calum, the twins who were against by societal exploitations upon the Beings, from which later on whom Jaya shared secrets with and entrusted Teacakes life.

It was such a journey and a coaster of lossing a loved-one, unfortunate tragedies, family disorganized relationship, secrets becoming a burden that weighted too much for someone to bare, the difficulty of choices between what's good and what's wrong, social rights that should also not be disclosed upon otherwordly, beliefs that might get twisted and challenged with, the empathy that doesn't only limit upon humans, forgiveness but never forget and moving on thus acceptance. It was not just about sapphic, surreal fantasy added with myths and folklores. It was a story that leads you to the other dimension, especially about of having someone you cared of. That the people you loved is also the caused of your miserables and pain. 

My favorite quote from Author-nim, Miss Sophie Cameron wrote from this book; This is why hope is dangerous: if it’s taken away, you’re left with even less than you had before. 

I was reminded by the word ALTRUISM by reading Baek Sehee onnie's book I Want To Die But I Want To Eat Tteokbokki. The memior involving the conversation with her psychiatrist and her mentality, physical concerns, well-being and other certain issues that may sometimes we take for granted. Right now, I felt liberated after reading her short narration. It was very well reflective and engaging. I was total harnessed by her experience and kinda felt certain nostalgia due to the similarities we had in life. Like being too conscious of how you look, insecurities, struggling self-esteem, valuing yourself and feeling pathetic. I realized that you weren't alone in such struggle. It was too normal. If you cannot embrace the dark you wouldn't appreciate the light.

Obviously the book wasn't meant for everyone. And it causes mix reaction from the audience that have witnessed Baek Sehee onnie's experiences. But I just wanna say it really did resonate with me. I highlighted certain parts of some passages so that I could re-read it later. 

I finished reading The Evil Seed by Joanne Harris. I was so grateful that I finally achieved something worthwhile during the day. However the pace of the story might be slow and a bit tiresome at some point, but I was still sticking to the storyboard and the sweet literature it has to offer. I found a few words that ain't introduce yet on my vocabulary. Guys were becoming dumb and stupid towards a woman, a damsel in distress, a morbidding and lonely ophelia floating at a river who almost drown which saved by a foolish spectator, the  mishap, runied and marred herione and yet regretted things later on. He should've let The Blessed Damozel drowned, although I was reluctant if the lake could killed her. All of the guys were stupid enough to be blinded and bewitched by a beautiful and disturbingly charming woman. I realized Daniel was being stereotypical. Just because the girl has a angelic features it doesn't implies it wasn't corrupted. And then here's our lovely Robert, another man who believes he can't possibly attracted by any woman not until this witch has arrived into his doorsteps, putting himself on his weakened knees instead and worship the alien entity like no other gods. With another one Joe, in modern times, another victims of her necromancy and spells. Seems the cycle never stops. I'm guessing that The Evil Seed was derived from the blood of Rosemary sowed for the lost that she have found and chosen souls to be requited. She spreads nothing but debauchery, iniquities, blemish and abomination. And then we have Alice got entangled by this events due to her ex-jerk-boyfriend, Joe. Which however, she'd finished the fight between the ancient evil lurking and nightwalkers upon the shadows with the help of a manuscript. The story got similarities to The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, from which beauty might inflict unbridled desires, poisonous vanities and sins--as what Rosemary possessed a quality of enchantress and attractiveness that spellbinded the men she associated with. Another one would be, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Michael Lawrence, which evilness has came from within, hiding, concealed, in a depths of dream of our soul, just waiting to be awoken thus becoming a full nightmare--when Daniel Holmes embraces his new form rather than denying his fate, he didn't mind much, as what happened to those people who still battling consciousness driving them in a verge of insanity. It also depicted few bible references, like Eliane being raised from the dead--Lazarus being ressurected by Jesus Christ. Moses being chosen by God, like Rosemary had chosen Daniel. Ophelia by William Shakespeare,  Eden by Paul Stuart Kemp, Mars Red & Dracula for vampirism. 

The story was rich in history itself. Importantly, It portrays the greedy, selfishness, jealousy and flawed of humanity that we do possessed. We were engulfed by darkness itself. It was always within, whether you were a vampire or not. We have this lustful thoughts, concealed desires whichever for some moments trying to resurface and keeps insisting with irritation. Like an itch on your skin, tempting enough to be scratch, hoping that the itch would go away when it only worsen the state. 

Additionally, In order to live, we must die. We must taste what is the embodiment of demise and damnation. 

(I'm surprised that I didn't cringe by re-reading this review)