just_one_more_paige's reviews
1500 reviews

adventurous dark emotional mysterious medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

Ok, Gibson has absolutely become an auto-read author for me. After loving both A Dowry of Blood and An Education in Malice, I am down for whatever she publishes. So, I honestly didn’t even know what this was about when I first picked it up. Though let me just say, first impressions – tarot cards as chapter art and a sewn in ribbon bookmark – were *deeply* promising.

David Aristarkhov is heir to a powerful (financially, influentially, magically) family legacy. He’s been a psychic prodigy since his youth, which has helped him make his own reputation, but also caused his cold father to use his skills from an early age, with no care for David’s own wellness. Rhys is finally feeling on solid footing in his life, working on improving his relationship with his wife, Moira, focusing on his own magic-based career goals, and leaving his personal history with David in the past, where it belongs. But when an ancient devil comes to collect on an old family debt, David has no one to turn to for help, except Rhys and Moira. Despite their better judgement, the two are convinced to get involved. And over time, the three start to develop relationships separately and together that grow into something deeper and more meaningful than they’d ever expected.

Oh. My. Goodness. This book has everything I love: the mystical accoutrements of the occult (spirits, astrology, tarot, seances), a supernatural mystery related to possession by a devil/demon, simmering three-way tension (that knowing the author will turn into a full-blown poly situation), a complex history of connection/relationships, low key secret societies, great dialogue. I mean, a book could not be more tailored to me as a reader. And I loved every single moment of it.

The writing was easy, smooth and compelling. As I said, the dialogue was fast and smart, which is a huge winning aspect for me. The plot was interesting and well-paced. I am always a fan of deals-with-the-devil. The creativity in said deals the ways that both sides can always find a loophole, I just find it so fascinating and fun (that’s why I ended up so invested in Addie LaRue too). And, I thought the drama and excitement of mystery-solving and magical world-building was balanced so well with character development and relationship-building.

Speaking of the relationships…the evolution of this poly relationship is everything. Gibson is the queen of communicating the complex and layered emotions from all three parties with nuance and gorgeous genuineness. Each possible iteration of the three gets equal care and page time and depth. I loved the way they played off and with each other, helping each other grow and evolve and be more, together and individually. It’s everything I love about the potential of expansive poly love and Gibson does it better than any other I’ve read yet.

Look, I just loved these characters and this story and just, this whole book. It was everything I wanted out of a paranormal magic, poly romance, curse-breaking story. And on top of it all, the book smelled so good. I am freaking hype that this will be a series and so ready for more, as soon as possible, OMG please!

“Lots of people are afraid of being alone with themselves [...] They're afraid of what they might find out about themselves, or they're terrified that the world will stop turning if they step away from the day's to-do list.”

“When you love somebody, you only want what's real. Even if it's less pretty than that first date sparkle.”

“A life lived in close proximity to death was a complicated one, but that didn't mean it was wicked or wrong.”

“Rhys had felt a strange mix of anguish and longing, watching them wing their way around the ballroom like celestial bodies. Not jealousy, exactly. Something softer and more treacherous.” (this, this feeling - Gibson nails it)

“So, this was what real friendship was: an immovable object staring you down saying they weren't going anywhere, thank you very much.”

“I’d say that’s where magic comes from, our ability to taste extremes and choose for ourselves what serves us best. Most people, when left to make their own choices without being shamed for it, choose a sustainable middle ground between ecstasy and asceticism.”

Content Warnings

Bad Habit by Alana S. Portero

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emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

This was an ALC offer from Libro.fm last month and then I found a used copy at a local bookstore (kind of a surprise for a recent release in translation, if I'm being honest ...though a very pleasant one). That seemed like a sign from the universe to read it asap. So, I listened. And I'm so glad I did; this book may be short, but it has a phenomenal impact.

This novel, translated from the original Spanish by Mara Faye Lethem, is told by an unnamed narrator, a young trans woman, as she grows up in a working class neighborhood in Madrid. With little to no clear support for the choice to come out, the narrator's internal identity and external presentation are at odds with each other, until she finds an underground(ish) party scene in which to start to express herself. As she starts to find mentors and role models for the life she wants, her deep-seated fear of actually living as, instead of just masquerading as, her true self, becomes yet another barrier to coming out. And when she faces extreme violence, in addition to the typical everyday prejudice, she completely retreats into herself. However, frozen though she may be in that limbo as a farce for a real "life," the choice eventually comes down to finding a way to be her authentic self or letting go of life altogether. Right at the exact moment of need, a face from her youth reappears and gives her the encouragement to finally break the inertia and make her choice.

I was blown away by the lyricism of the writing in this book. And you'll see it when you get to the end, because I had so many highlighted/pull quotes. It's ridiculous. I'm just so impressed because that means there are two layers, the original and the translation, that both had to be spectacular in order to get to this gorgeous finished version. Just absolutely sublime writing. There was also a vibe to it that, at least to me, read more like a memoir than a fiction. From reading more about the author, one can only assume she pulled a bit from her own experiences, which very clearly makes the writing and story-telling stronger.

As far as the story being told, Portero truly brings the reader inside the mind/experience of a young girl experiencing gender dysphoria and depression (at the very least), within a community and context with no space or understanding of or safety for that. All the messages our narrator receives as she grows up are born of (seemingly throwaway) gender-based/biased comments (about boys being tough, etc.), creating a self-image that is incompatible with her own conception of herself and what she wants her life to be. And one shouldn't have to imagine too hard to conceptualize what effect on the psyche of a young person questioning who they are. There's no option but for that to be internalized, making her believe who they are is something they need to hide. What kind of self-worth and capacity for dreaming of the future do you think that could create? And like, in reading this, I am struck yet again by how much I just don't understand why adults are so against young people being able to express and live as who they are...like, what? Why? Anyhoo, Portero just really does a extraordinary job conveying the weight and limitations of an unaccepting society (or at the very least, not-open-minded, as she also was so tender in explaining how the narrator understood that their parents/family clearly loved them, even when they didn't understand why she was hurting or how they inadvertently contributed to that pain), on a developing young person.

The other primary thematic thread, which I found emotional and affecting in a different, though very complementary, way, explores the importance of discovering a mentor, for queer lifestyle and context and history and community. Someone who can show you that there is a place you belong. The hope and possibility that that kind of mentorship/connection can provide, a vision of an *actual* future and potential, is priceless. The couple of characters that hold that role for our narrator throughout this novel are pivotal, and I appreciate them all for tha, as my heart ached and yearned alongside our MC and hoped hard for her future.

These pages were full of such tragedy, but also (painfully) fragile hope, the kind that you cup in your hands to protect, like a tiny winged bug or match flame. Portero's voice is one of deep feeling and compassion, as she writes of the search for belonging outside of expectations, and the (mountainously challenging) internal shifts required to overcome external forces pushing one to never take the chance to find that belonging. A marvelous book.

“When we laugh wholeheartedly, we inhabit no age.”

“Women who live the way they want, who age on their own terms and wear their lives etched into their faces, are treated with pathos and mockery because they are feared.”

“I was discovering who I was through that sort of gut punch, words that lodged deep within me and were impossible to forget. Before you get the chance to define yourself, others trace your outline with their prejudices and their aggressions.”

“Boys didn’t just grow up to be men; they were initiated into masculinity, and pity those who failed, even among the finest men.”

“I searched everywhere for a language of pride and strength so that I could finally fucking explain myself, but I couldn’t locate it no matter how hard I tried.” (oh my shattered heart)

“Having grown up with the language of guilt disseminated from every corner as the only way to refer to trans lives was disheartening. Discovering one’s self should be cause for celebration; the public release from a suffocating space should be met with hugs and relief. But how can you even imagine something you’ve never seen or even sensed?”

“Women, queers, and other existences the deviated from the masculine were marked as prey in the world of malevolent men.”

“I would’ve liked to have had a similar impact on their lives, to have shared in equal exchange, but with them, I learned that we daughters are always indebted, that we cannot give back what we’re given, because that wouldn’t be natural. Our mission is to pass on what we’ve been imparted to other women, whoever they may be. I learned that genealogy, as an inherited love, is a waterfall that only flows downwards.”

“I never felt so strong and so vulnerable at the same time. How could something so beautiful, something so personal and so extraordinary to share with the world, something that vibrated with pure joy, be perceived with such hostility out there?”

“I was humiliated for not having enough grit to commit suicide, unable to reach that state of ultimate bravery that would liberate me from all evil. I felt humiliated by my absolute conviction that years of pain and pure nothingness awaited me before it was all over.” (I mean my god, how can we allow the world to work in a way that makes people feel this way?!)

“The closet had made me selfish; it tore down everything around me to build up its defenses, including lives that weren’t my own. Along the way, I abandoned those I no longer needed and those who threatened to shatter so rancorously what I’d constructed.” (But like, what if, instead, we created world where a closet wasn’t necessary, so that all these relationships could thrive?)

“The rest stayed clean because it was never used, just gathering dust, which is the breath of time settling on our things so we don’t forget it’s running out.”

“…our hardships are imposed upon us, not something we’re born with like a witch’s mark.”

Content Warnings

Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real about the End by Alua Arthur

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emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.0

This was an ALC option from Libro.fm last month. Yes, you read that right. I listened to this within a month of receiving it; I am amazing. But for real, I picked it up that fast entirely due to a glowing review from @paigerraigerreads, so credit where it's due.

The short version of the Goodreads book blurb, which absolutely sums up the heart of the book, is: "A deeply transformative memoir that reframes how we think about death and how it can help us lead better, more fulfilling and authentic lives, from America’s most visible death doula." And like I said, that really encapsulates everything in this memoir.

In each chapter, Arthur shares with the reader how her work as a death doula was inspired, informed by, changed, or shed light on a variety of other aspects of her life...and vice versa. She gets incredibly personal and vulnerable in these pages, talking about her family's experience fleeing a coup in 1980s Ghana, her parents religious conversions and growing up in conservative white America, caregiving as her friend/brother-in-law slowly died from cancer, balancing the need to make a living/familial expectations with her own wants (which, for her many years as a practicing lawyer, leaned heavily towards the former), her varied (solo) travels and unique life experiences (the kind that result from a somewhat impetuous and spontaneous personality), and, as a major connecting theme, her struggles with major depression. And as she introduces these parts of herself, she matches them with clients she has worked with as a death doula, and the way the lessons from each have interwoven in ways that have helped her figure out how to live her own life to the fullest.

I may have misread the blurb just a bit, and didn't realize how heavily memoir this would be, so that took a hot minute to adjust to. I was expecting more of a focus on "lessons for how to live" for the general populace, based on what she's seen during her work as a death doula. And while we eventually got there, the start, at least, was mostly memoir. However, her life and travels are so fascinating that it was, even still, a quick and easy expectations-adjustment to make as a reader. Also, the writing was so personable. It's clear and well-paced and flows *and* Arthur's own voice is palpable on the page. There is nothing clinical or studied about these words; it feels as though she is really just having a conversation with you, as the reader. And that was the perfect style for the content she covers. Plus, I do love a well used swear, and she drops them perfectly.

Really, for a book about dying and other serious topics (like depression), the vibe was so comfortable and (mostly) light. I can only assume this is Arthur's personal light shining through. And it leaves no doubt as to why she has been so successful in her work as a death doula. Her ability to see the best in each person's self and eccentricity is touching and inspiring. And doing that while maintaining her own boundaries when it becomes necessary, but in a way that still allows the dying person/their family to experience dying on their own terms, is incredibly admirable. She also conveys so much infectious enthusiasm and boundless emotion in all cases. The full-bodied excitement in, jumping between and knowledge about passions - that are maybe sometimes seen as flighty until the right fit hits - is so familiar (*cough* my partner *cough*) that I couldn't help but be endeared to Arthur.

As to the expected life lessons and overall commentary on life/death, Arthur did deliver as I'd hoped. I'm just going to list out all the things that I loved, or that hit me deeply, because they're all wonderful, but also topically all over the place.

- You can’t live someone’s life for them, and neither can you die their death. You have to respect a WHOLE person, allowing them to be their full self in death (even and especially if they couldn’t in life) and respect their wishes on when to push and when not to. You must embrace the WHOLE self, the richness of truth that is celebrating a person's best parts and acknowledging/accepting when they weren’t at their best.

- Arthur’s addressing of race and inequality and culture, the way they persist in death as they did in life, is sooooo important. Death is not, in fact, “the great equalizer,” in terms of systemic/institutional barriers.

- It's hard, but I appreciate the space she made for difficult death situaions, like babies/young people, suicide/OD, violence. And I *love* the honoring of the multiple (legit) reactions to death, despite the cultural norms to "not speak ill of" them. Arthur acknowledges that dying does not make a person better or erase the pain they caused, and there is no rule that says death deserves forgiveness and grief. There are many complications in loving someone who has hurt others (or ourselves), and we deserve to grieve in whatever way we need to.

- The conversation about the ableism inherent in death decisions was fascinating. When we say things like "let me go when I can’t communicate anymore,” we dismiss that many disabled people have developed such creative ways of communicating and you are literally saying you'd rather die than live within someone else's everyday reality. I had never thought about this before and I have been sitting with it quite a bit.

- Toxic self-reliance. There's a thing I really need to do some self-introspection around. What an interesting discussion.

- Oh, the way that for all her experience working with death, Arthur talks about how she still cannot know the answers to what is in the unknown afterlife, something people (her clients, often) crave to know so badly. How do you help people through something you have no idea about. And yet, she’s so clear and up front about it, trying to guide people through it on their own, to get what they need to accept what's coming. Beautiful.

- The final chapter, in which Arthur shares her own “what I picture my death being” is profound and touching on an unexpected level.

- How often have I personally complained about, or heard others wish, that there was a person/time/place which had taught us more about how to navigate major life things (getting insurance, paying taxes, signing a kid up for school, buying a home, etc.)? Like these are things that everyone has to do, but somehow, they are never explained, nor do guidelines exist for them anywhere in common awareness. And of course, death has enough paperwork and logistics and BS that you aren’t ever taught/shown, and then are expected to know how to handle while also in the throws of grief. So, like, I love this idea of a death doula to guide through that process. And I wish that existed for other life things too...

I mean, I can see how Aruther is a fantastic death doula. Everything she communicates in these pages, she does with such a personable and endearing air, even, especially, the difficult and unknowable parts. And the "main" message, of not waiting until it’s too late to live the way you want, because life is right now (tomorrow is always a day away), is articulated and emphasized spectacularly. The experience of assisting people in getting to have the death experience they want (and allowing their loved ones to grieve without needing to focus on the checklist of tasks that accompany death) is a privilege that Arthur so clearly is passionate about and doesn't take for granted. The idea of living and dying out loud is one that will definitely stay with me, after reading Arthur's words. I had no idea that death doulas were a thing prior to this memoir, but I love that they are, and I love these insights/lessons shared with us as a result!

“I immediately wonder why we don’t make space for people to talk about the questions that lie heaviest on their hearts. Maybe because we think it is too painful to hear. […] We all know what’s going on, but no one is saying. […] When someone is dying, this evasion is a form of existential gaslighting.”

“Societally, we shun conversations about death. […] Human beings are funny that way. Our clear inadequacy and powerlessness in the face of death is a reminder of our limitations. And understandably, that is scary. But the idea of death is a seed. When that seed is carefully tended, life grows like wildflowers in its pace. The only thing in our control is how we choose to engage with our mortality once we become aware of it.”

“Mind over matter does not always produce the intended result. […] The mind is powerful. But the mind can’t do it all.”

“When we avoid children’s questions about death, we inadvertently communicate that they should shove their scary thoughts down. The ultimately reinforces a death-phobic culture.”

“And what the fuck kind of society understands the universality of a painful experience but does next to nothing about it?”

“It’s important not to conflate others’ experience with your own, because then we give them what we would want for ourselves rather than what they need.” And “For people on their deathbeds, serving their needs is all we can do.” (This whole section about empathy, and how we should actually aim for compassion – to “show up and shut up” – is fantastic.)

“I am exasperated that people believe death is the great equalizer. Yes, we all die, but we die of different causes at different rates in different ways. There is nothing equal about death, except that we all do it. Death and dying are culturally constructed processes that reflect social power dynamics – they are unequal. How we die is wrapped up largely in the intersections of our identities. […] We are not all born the same, and we do not live or die the same.”

“The capacity to hurt others, after all, is as human as the capacity to be hurt.”

“There must be a word for the grief we experience over the life we thought we should have, events that never happened, stories that didn’t have the happy ending. At every step in our path, some possibilities die behind us while others bloom before us, and in every transition, even the joyful ones, there is grief.”

“Change is a god we must bow to.”

“The true cost of anything is how much life we give in exchange for it.” (Life = Time. OMG what a point.)

“Most of us know what tickles us. We can identify activities, or parts thereof, which bring us wonder and bring us a feeling of flow and ease. And as we stumble upon new things, we know the undeniable instinct which says lean into this – to a person, an idea, a place, or a way we feel about ourselves. Yet so many of us wait to take that step toward it, procrastinating our whole lives long. We wait until tomorrow, but no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow. The consequences for waiting can be irreversible.”

“People die from all types of things, not just illness, where we have a chance to say goodbye and regard it as a natural process of the body. All command attention, grief, softness, and mercy. And all are sacred, deserving of honor and sanctity.”

“Societally, […] we celebrate wellness and leave no space for sorrow, brokenness, grief or anything other than ‘I’m fine’ when the truth is that life is complicated, painful, and difficult. Whole humans feel a whole range of emotions, but we applaud only half of them, driving our negatively perceived emotions deep into hiding for fear of judgement. There, they are safe to fester and grow stronger, which in turn drives us to hide them more.”

“Wounds created by the dying aren’t erased by their death.”

“We leave a legacy with every word, every smile, every action, and every inaction. It’s not optional. Or legacies can be big or small. What matters is that we will all touch someone. How we do it is up to us.”

“The death of someone does not require that we forgive them is it doesn’t serve us. As long as we are at peace with the choice we have made, that’s all that matters.”

“All we know is that everything ends. Our collective death denial inspires us to behave like we can live forever. But we don’t have forever to create the life we want.”

“We can spend our lives fretting about our deaths, or we can use our brief time to sink deeper into the experience of being human, for all it entails. […] What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?”

“A daily practice of being with mortality gives us the glorious opportunity to refine our priorities, redefine our values, and bring wonder and mystery to this wild ride of our unique lives.”

“This is what I wish for all of us: a life that feels like the miracle it is and a death that serves as a period on a satisfying sentence. Because we live, we get to die. That is a gift.”

Content Warnings

Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner

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emotional hopeful lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

I mean, queer romance and soccer...what's not to love? (Also, conveniently timed with what I can only call the "summer of soccer," what with the Euro Cup, Copa America and Olympics all happening in like, a two month span!)

Goodreads' blurb for this one is pretty solid, so I'm making it easy on myself and borrowing: "Grace Henderson has been a star of the US Women’s National Team for ten years, even though she’s only 26. But when she’s sidelined with an injury, a bold new upstart, Phoebe Matthews, takes her spot. Phoebe is everything Grace isn’t—a gregarious jokester who plays with a joy that Grace lost somewhere along the way. The last thing Grace expects is to become friends with benefits with this class clown she sees as her rival. Phoebe Matthews has always admired Grace’s skill and was star struck to be training alongside her idol. But she quickly finds herself looking at Grace as more than a mere teammate. After one daring kiss, she’s hooked. Grace is everything she has been waiting to find. As the World Cup approaches, and Grace works her way back from injury, the women decide to find a way they can play together instead of vying for the same position. Except, when they are off the field, Grace is worried she’s catching feelings while Phoebe thinks they are dating. As the tension between them grows, will both players realize they care more about their relationship than making the roster?"

In the end, I enjoyed, but didn't love, this romance. I *loved* the soccer and the setup for the plot/relationship to occur within. It's mostly spelled out, in detail, in the blurb, so I won't re-explain it all. But for me, that was all solid and natural. And it leant itself really well to character development separately, exploring the pressure of being a young phenom who has grown up (and been naturally pushed into leadership roles/captain for their skill, even though their actual capacity/interest for the job isn’t there) in contrast with all the wide-eyed excitement of a new-to-this-stage player who is talented but also got there at a more "normal" pace. Grace and Phoebe were great foils for each other in that respect. I also thought there was fantastic adult neurodiversity rep, with both Grace and Phoebe starting to "figure it out" late in life, with different levels of help from each other in doing so. I felt deeply for them, as they began to recognize all the coping mechanisms that got them to the point(s) they were at for what they actually are, and began to look for and accept the need for a diagnosis and how it could help. It was tender, both in how it was written and in the space/acceptance they held for each other on that front.

Now, I know part of this is on me, as it's clearly a major enough plot point to be included in the blurb, but miscommunication is my least favorite romance trope. Like, it grates. Just, stop assuming shit and talk about it. (Note: I am aware that the neurodiversity aspects here make that particularly difficult, and I respect that IRL, but for my personal reading taste, I cringe.) The thing is, the blurb made it seem like the miscommunication was going to be funnier than it was. I kept waiting for the funny...and it never really hit. It was just an extreme amount of internal monologuing as our two MCs worked to justify each others actions/interpretations. Like, so much internal monologuing. This particular novel was very internally focused, and while a number of side characters/teammates were introduced and present, they were mostly tangential and surface-level (as far as development is concerned). I will say, to be fair, that when the miscommunication is cleared up at the end, with maturity/equanimity/humor (and taking their potential diagnoses at that point in the plot into account as well) I couldn't help it, I did laugh and appreciate a little bit of the humor at that one point.

A final note: the sex scenes. This novel was spicy. And, moving past the fact that the first sex scene is in a locker room (gross!), it was hotttttt. In fact, for a little while in the middle, that spiciness was about all this had going for it (in regards to the sapphic central relationship storyline). I wasn't sold on the actual chemistry - these characters seemed to be existing near/around each other and, outside of sex, never really with each other - though that did eventually take a turn to the believable by the end.

"You can't win a championship without gays on your team. It's pretty much never been done before, ever. That's science right there." (LOVE that opening quote from Rapinoe!)

“Phoebe’s voice has gone deep and scratchy, and if it were possible to touch a sound, Grace would rub her entire body against it.”

“Grace is always in her head, thinking too much, about the past and the future and any number of little anxieties, but Phoebe kisses her and she is suddenly present.”

“The corollary to you can be whatever you want is you don't have to be anything you don’t want.”

“It feels simple now, even if it was complicated getting here.”

Content Warnings

The Three-Body Problem by Cixin Liu

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challenging mysterious slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

2.0

This was a "read out loud together at night (and sometimes listen during road trips)" read for me and my partner. This follows in an illustrious list that included revisiting old favs like His Dark Materials, trying out new things like The Tensorate Series, attempting to see what we may have missed (we tried The Lightning Thief and learned that Percy Jackson was *not* for us) and experiencing together (we'd read most of it separately) the Grishaverse (to complement the, heartbreakingly cancelled too soon, Netflix adaptation). In fact, the success of that joint journey inspired us to give The Three-Body Problem a try, since it too was recently adapted by Netflix.

Per Goodreads, this novel is "Set against the backdrop of China's Cultural Revolution, a secret military project sends signals into space to establish contact with aliens. An alien civilization on the brink of destruction captures the signal and plans to invade Earth. Meanwhile, on Earth, different camps start forming, planning to either welcome the superior beings and help them take over a world seen as corrupt, or to fight against the invasion."

Now, this blurb does, in fact, describe what happens in this novel. It does. And yet...it was absolutely not at all what I expected, based on that blurb. Having read the translator's note at the end, it seems that the structural pieces that made this not what I anticipated might be due to different cultural story-telling styles. Which is an adjustment, of course, but fine overall. To me, it felt that the story was told in a very segmented way, with one group/situation/timeline/event introduced and (for the most part) fully developed and told, before jumping to another aspect all together. And while technically in the end everything got explained to some extent, some of the explanations were for interactions/events that had happened so long ago I had forgotten about them or they never felt fully integrated with the rest of the story. Also, this meant that some of the sections that were less interesting to me were a bit of a slog, since I had to fullllllly immerse before being able to leave them behind and immerse in the next part. Anyways, all that to say, nothing wrong with that, just an unfamiliar style and (since there were parts I was less into) I would have preferred them to be a bit more interspersed, developmentally.

Other than that, the biggest thing that made me not love this reading experience was how heavy the science was, in the scifi balance. Like, I tend to prefer my scifi more space opera, with the science in the background, or taken on faith, or just altogether already settled and in a new/not-familiar (i.e. not Earth) setting. I think the thing that most threw me about this sci-fi was how much (for how long) it was based on Earth/IRL. Now, there's very classic scifi that fits this mold., and it's absolutely high quality/legit scifi...it's just not my fav. Similarly, I actually am not a hard sciences person. So, when an intimate understanding of complex (to me, at least) scientific concepts, like multi-dimensions and the way atoms split and radio waves travel, is central to the greater story and events development...I struggle. This felt like a very esoteric level of scifi that I can see why lots of people love, but it's not my vibe.

Character-wise, and this could again be related to story-telling styles coming through in translation, or just the style of translation, but I felt like these characters were all just there... Very few of them were fully dimensional (the exception being who I considered the female MC, Ye Wenjie) and many actually felt more like caricatures than anything else. And the aliens. We eventually got to them. But I don't know...they felt unreal. Which, ok, I get that they technically aren't. But even within the story, their space on the pages and their development felt too distant/unclear to be genuine. And all of it bordered on a weird that was too much for me.

While the details were astounding and impressive, and the greater situation that Cixin created felt legitimate and tangible, there was enough unevenness in the story-telling, and an extreme esoteric-ness to the science, that kept me too far removed, and a bit too bogged down, to become as invested as I would have liked. This is wildly intelligent, creative, and the scope is superb, but it wasn't for me. I respect it, but I personally won't be reading the rest of the trilogy, nor will I be watching the show (I'll let my partner report back on the adaptation and see what he thinks instead).

"Is it possible that the relationship between humanity and evil is similar to the relationship between the ocean and an iceberg floating on its surface? Both the ocean and the iceberg are made of the same material. That the iceberg seems separate is on;y because it is in a different form. In reality, it is but a part of the vast ocean..."

“Theory is the foundation of application. Isn't discovering fundamental laws the biggest contribution to our time? [...] It's easy to make ideological mistakes in theory.”

“In the face of madness, rationality was powerless.”

“We don’t know what extraterrestrial civilization is like, but we know humanity.”

Content Warnings

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

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dark mysterious tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

A couple times, Khaw's books have floated across my radar. I always feel like I'd like them, based on cover vibes, but then I'd read the blurbs and they all feel too horror-y and I get scared off. (I'm a huge scaredy-cat. Ask me about how many nights I couldn’t sleep after watching The Descent in high school...) Apparently, I was finally feeling big and brave, and decided to give this one a go.

In an apocalyptic(ish) world, a siren-like creature leaves the land she'd been bound to for years, after her daughters devoured the kingdom. As she sets out on a journey, leaving that destroyed place behind her forever, she meets a mysterious plague doctor. Their travels bring them to a dark, wintry forest village populated by children controlled by three Frankenstein-like "surgeons" who have set themselves up as gods. Together, they must use the darker parts of themselves to survive the encounter(s) there.

This is like, take horror and make it poetry. Or take poetry and make it horror. It has all the hallmarks of body horror - gore and bones and medical content (Frankenstein-style, as I mentioned in the blurb) and viscera and blood and cannibalism (eating others flesh at the very least). But it's communicated with writing that is lulling, mesmerizing. It's the lyrical academic exactness in the word choices, precise sentences and descriptions, everything purposeful, with esoteric levels of vocabulary, that creates a language-style reminiscent of This Is How You Lose the Time War. Phenomenal.

Under that phenomenal writing, the story itself is so horrible you can’t relax. But you also cannot look away. I'm not always into the pieced-together-sinister-science/medicine type of horror, but I did enjoy the conglomeration of the darker sides of all mermaid/selkie/siren mythology. And the creativity of bringing that together with plague doctor imagery and ambiance ended up working for me. And there was a dark, but creepily endearing, love story woven in that I wasn't sure about to start, but ended up finding quite compelling, in an unearthly sort of way.

There was a plot, but I thought that was the weakest part. This was mostly writing and vibes. And what a vibe! It was similar to Pan's Labyrinth (which I was super into, in high school), and sort of like the Jack and Jill storyline of McGuire's Wayward Children series (though considerably less whimsical, more disturbing and ominous).

That bonus story at the end, a gruesome re-vision and reclaiming of The Little Mermaid, looking at the sorrow within the fairy tale that is well-known, examining what, as with all fairy tales, is always conveniently left out. I was here for that.

One of the blurbs for this novella says reading Khaw is like “watching a nightmare ballet.” And I honestly can’t think of a better description. It’s gorgeous and terrifying. It's grotesque. In the best way. If that's what you're looking for, then give this short read a go.

“Myths are full of lies. This is not one of them. […] Names have so much power.”

“It is always interesting to see how often women are described as ravenous when it is the men who, without exception, tale without thought of compensation.

“Meat may be mulch, when left for long enough.”

“No myth can remain terrifying when you;ve seen it broken and beaten, rendered as toothless as an old crone.”

“But palatability is prized over accuracy. It is easier to market a nymph than a viperfish.”

“Man mistakes his own experiences as the canvas on which all truths are drawn. He is rarely correct in this respect.”

“That I want to die here, mired in the goal. That I want to race them to Death's carriage, exceeding their pace but only just, never going so far as to be unable to turn and corset their fingers in mine. That eternity is a worthless bauble without their conversation. That I would follow them into the demise of the universe where every heaven and hell is shuttered, and there is nothing of us but motings of wan light, and there is no bodily apparatus with which to express affection, no recourse save to glow weakly in worship until at last, such things are swallowed too by the dark. That I would love them even then. As long as a moiety of conscious thought persists, I will love them. I will love them to the death of days.” (damn what a sentiment!)

“How men fear things that can’t be quieted.”

“We are made of stardust. Or maybe, of primordial elements such as the ocean and the dark and the killing flame and love. Perhaps, my kind are conduits, our shape defined not by parentage but the things to which we'd yoked our beliefs. Perhaps, we are as any myths are: protean, impossible, exactly what we need to be.”

“Wordless, they unfold their arms, stretching them out to me. There is no hesitation. I plunge into their arms. And it is enough, it is more than enough.”

Content Warnings

A Dark and Drowning Tide by Allison Saft

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adventurous emotional mysterious medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Y'all, when I saw the short blurb for this included magic and academic rivals and a f/f enemies-to-lovers romance and a murder mystery situation...I requested it *so* fast. What a combination! Thanks to NetGalley and Del Ray for the early copy (it publishes September 2024). I was hype hype to be approved and I had the best time reading it.

Lorelai is a sharp-tongued, quick thinking, prickly folklorist, who is holding on to a lot of guilt from childhood and is (reasonably) quite jaded after facing years of discrimination/ridicule. Sylvia is a positive-thinking, find the joy in life, sort of person; a naturalist and a long-time academic rival of Lorelai's. When their mentor, Ziegler, invites them both on an expedition to search for a mythic spring whose waters can grant untold power to a worthy person, by direction of the King of Brunnestadd (who is trying to stabilize his kingdom). With competing goals and personal agendas, the group sets out...and is immediately thrown into further chaos when Ziegler is murdered. In order to keep things together for the good of the mission, finding the spring, and identifying the murderer, Lorelai and Sylvia grudgingly agree to work together. Facing opposition both from within (other members of the expedition) and without (myriad magical creatures and mystical landscapes), the two uncover the truth about a number of secrets, including their carefully guarded feelings for each other.

Ok, I loved almost everything about this book. And I am going to focus mostly on that for this review. But there is one sticky thing that just wasn't quite right for me, so I want to say it, to be clear and fair about my feelings while reading, and then move past it and into the good stuff. The thing is... I know that Lorelai's character is supposed to be proud and independent and prickly and impatient, as her end of the "opposites attract" and "grumpy-sunshine" spectrum that she represents. I get that all of that personality was developed as a defense/protective mechanism, and it became who she is in a way she couldn't stop. I respect the authenticity in this, as how she’d probably actually be, after her life/experiences. I also understand that this novel is from Lorelai's perspective, in her narrative voice and with her internal monologue, so all that came through extra strong, as compared to any other character's POV or voice. All that to say: it's very great, realistic character development. And yettttttttt. By about a third of the way into the book, it was all to an extreme that was frustrating and I was quite ready for walls to start coming down. I mean, I am here for the slow burn, romance-wise, but this lack of ability to soften to anyone, at all, for any reason, was starting to get tiring to read. Like, Lorelai couldn't get out of her own way to an extent that it was not only affecting relationships, but also her own work and goals. It tried both my patience to an extreme that was getting frustrating and a bit un-fun to read; hopefully that gets tightened a bit between now and publication.

But fear not! Just when I was getting bogged down to the point that I thought I might be disappointed in the book as a whole, there was a definite shift! We got just the slightest of softenings, when Lorelai and Sylvia take on a small side-quest together. That focused time on the two together gave the reader a bit more of their relationship development, and some particular insight into Sylvia's internal and background story, which helped balance things out. I still feel, overall, that Sylvia was too easy a counterpart character (like, she had some depth, but it seemed chosen to too easily complement Lorelai and fit the narrative needs, and I would have liked a bit more...fight? nuance? idk exactly), but it was enough to win my general buy-in. (Side note: I do wish I could have some of the pure wonder in the world around her that Sylvia has.)

And then...this slow burn really hit its stride and the straining towards each other finally broke free and, phew, it was worth the wait. When they finally decided to give in to the pull between them, it hit. And it delivered on this love-and-hate-are-two-sides-of-the-same-coin romance set-up. Like, OH that ending! It left me cheesing so hard. These polar opposites, truly incorrigible in their own ways, are finally able to just be soft for each other (and enjoy the parts of each other that they'd labeled as disagreement, but were more lowkey jealousy), exactly as they are. And I cannot.

As for the rest... The real highlight(s) of this reading experience came from the ambiance and tone. It was darkly mystical, with threads of lighter magicality woven throughout. All the creatures mentioned (the wildeleute) and the folktales told/referenced, they are all based in or echoes of IRL folklore and I always love when books do that. Giving the familiar a new spin is the perfect mix of nostalgia/familiar and new discovery that makes for such a comfortable reading experience. This was a fairly isolated narrative, in that it focused entirely on this expedition and the members of the group, so the greater world-building was limited a bit. On the other hand, the history and entwining of these characters, how it's all slowly revealed as they search for the spring (and Lorelai and Sylvia work in the background to solve Ziegler's murder as well) and their individual motivations are all revealed, was really well paced. I was mesmerized by the story and the development of the plot and characters, moving forward with compelling interest, though never what might be considered a fast pace (heads up, if you're looking for something with more intensity). It has all the elements of great fantasy - a very cool magic system (water-based), competing loyalties and secret scheming and betrayals, supernatural creatures, an otherworldly vibe, a few action scenes (both magical and not), political machinations/maneuvering, a bit of mystery - but with a steady sort of delivery (though it never felt like it dragged).

I was really enchanted by this darkly whimsical, sapphic romantasy. It very much gets my recommendation. (If you're looking for more guidance, read if you liked: An Education in Malice, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue).

“Every plant, every human, every wildeleute, every drop of water, is a thread. Together, they make up the great tapestry of life. If even one stitch is pulled loose, the whole thing will unravel.”

“How would you like to be extraordinary?”

“Nothing he said surprised her, but bracing for the blow had never once stopped it from hurting.”

“Home. It was written in the sparkle in her eyes and the gentle smile tugging at the corner of her lips.”

“It’s unwise to take your eyes off a dying thing, you know […] Everything becomes more vicious and more beautiful in its final moments.”

“Far better to be disliked for who she truly was rather than what she represented.”

“Stories taught them nothing of how they actually were. They were like molten steel, ready to be molded into a weapon by one clever enough to wield them.”

“Back in the days when wishes still held power…” (the “once upon a time…” of this world – loved it)

“Power, even when given freely to the worthy, still came at too high a price.”

“Death happens. There’s nothing you have done to invite it and nothing you can do to banish it.”

“Now she felt like a soldier come home from war. Confused and purposeless, with a weapon to turn nowhere but inward.” (PHEW)

“You’re like something out of a nightmare. / And you, Lorelai thought despairingly, are resplendent.”

“Listening to her was like being led by the hand through a dark, enchanted wood.”

“One day […] you will grow tired of this thing you’ve made yourself into. One day, all there will be to content you is ghosts.”

“Just then, sunlight lanced through the dense canopy. […] It painted her in soft pastels and danced in her wild hair. She was a work of art.”

“You are everything I am not and everything I admire.”

“All of them were haunted women. Violence had broken and reforged them, and the sharp edges it left behind made them dangerous.”

Content Warnings

Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson

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adventurous emotional mysterious reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

Y'all this one was just everywhere and it was so popular and then Hulu decided to adapt it and honestly I was just curious and wanted to see what the fuss was about.

Behind on reviews and feeling lazy today...so here's the blurb from Goodreads: "In present-day California, Eleanor Bennett’s death leaves behind a puzzling inheritance for her two children, Byron and Benny: a black cake, made from a family recipe with a long history, and a voice recording. In her message, Eleanor shares a tumultuous story about a headstrong young swimmer who escapes her island home under suspicion of murder. The heartbreaking tale Eleanor unfolds, the secrets she still holds back, and the mystery of a long-lost child challenge everything the siblings thought they knew about their lineage and themselves."

Alright, I can absolutely see why Hulu picked this up and turned around production so quickly - this book has all the elements of interest that keep viewers (and readers!) invested and on the edge of their seat. There was so much drama (family, community, historical, etc.) and secrets, and all of it was so intriguing (with lots of foreshadowing) and mysterious and communicated with well-paced and easy, compelling writing (helped in large part by the short chapters and lots of POVs sprinkled in).

Wilkerson also did a great job making everything feel...genuine. With this amount of drama, things could easily have gotten to a point where they were unbelievable and there was no emotional connection to the characters and their experiences/relationships. Somehow, Wilkerson avoided that, walking the tightrope of "this is too wild to be true" and "this could totally happen" very smoothly. And there was a lot to balance, as the complications, miscommunications, secrets and misinterpretations in this family ran deeeeeeep. As those got revealed and detailed and resolved (or not, as it were), the amount of character development was reallllly good. Like, I was expecting this to be more plot, because of the book club/Hulu show situation, but *damn* even all the tiny side characters got full stories here! Hats off.

Finally, Wilkerson managed to jam pack this book not just with plot and character development, but also with an impressive array of social commentary and contemporary cultural issues and "hot topics." Of these more intentional and deeper messages, earth conservation, racism (specifically the realities of life as a Black person in Europe/the US), and the diaspora/acculturation of food were at the forefront. There was also some really uplifting conversation about the traditions of a culture, and what a person/group is allowed or encouraged to pressure (be it jobs, sports, special interests, etc), and the leaders in pushing back against those norms. Similar to the number of secrets and storylines and characters Wilkerson balanced, I was impressed with how she was able to authentically include so many (seemingly) disparate issues. It all plays a part in the overall mastery in the writing of this novel: how well she portrayed complex lives/characters, in a way that mirrors how complex we are as real people, living real lives.

Black Cake weaves together history and present day and the breadth of the diaspora from movement both involuntary (slavery and the search for safety) and voluntary, and mixes it with the intimacies of family drama in a way that shows how we are all a product of that complex and interwoven story of humanity, in ways known/expected and unknown/unexpected. Just so well done, in all ways.

“What if knowing the truth were to hurt more than the longing?”

“Yeah, tradition has sometimes told us that only certain kinds of people should study certain subjects, or engage in certain sports, or play in an orchestra, or what have you, but tradition is about what people have or have not done; it's not about what they are capable of doing. And it's not about what they will be doing in the future.”

“Question yourself, yes, but don’t doubt yourself. There’s a difference.”

“…thinking of small but profound inheritances. Of how untold stories shape people’s lives, both when they are withheld and when they are revealed.”

“…nothing was more beautiful than a girl who was fearless.”

Content Warnings

Brotherless Night by V.V. Ganeshananthan

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

This novel has made the long/short lists for a number of awards and has since won at least one of them that I know of (Women's Prize for Fiction). And in all cases, the recognition is *extremely* well-deserved. This was very much a masterpiece of literature and humanity.

Jaffna, Sri Lanka, 1981. Sashi wants to be a doctor, spending all her time and energy on working through school in pursuit of that goal. But over the decade that follows, as a civil war upends her world, this dream will take a circuitous route towards completion. Sashi watches (fighting all the while) as she loses each of her four brothers, in addition to her close friend K, to violence, the "movement," or in opposition to her own choices. She continues in her studies, with breaks for protests and other civil demonstrations, time watching over her friend K as he makes an impossible statement, working as a medic in a field hospital for the Tamil Tigers (the militant group that emerges as the leader in the fight against the state discrimination/violence against the Tamil minority), sheltering from bombs/fighting, and surviving a variety of other attacks, forced removal, "legal" impositions, and food/supply restrictions. Through it all, Sashi struggles to come to terms with the atrocities against herself, and her people, from all sides...when the Sri Lankan government allows you no rights, Tamil leaders murder/disappear any dissidents, and the peacekeepers do nothing but add to the level of violence against women/civilians, whose "side" can you justify taking? What options are there to protect/save your loved ones and everyone just trying to live their lives? When one of Sashi's professors invites her to join in a project documenting all the human rights violations, from all sources, Sashi makes the dangerous choice to join her.

This book was SO good. I *love* a book that shows how circumstances of consistent inequality create their own militant opposition ("terrorists"), but like human nature is to fight for yourself and who could truly say that desperation and tragedy wouldn’t push you to at least consider the same? (Answer: No one.) This is applicable, deeply unfortunately, across so many peoples and places historically to the present day. So it is always a lesson worth learning/re-visiting. (Read alike suggestion: Against the Loveless World.)

Ganeshananthan brings the Sri Lanka of the 1980s to life through Sashi's narration. This type of "present day narrator storytelling the past" style is not my favorite, but the way it's done here, with clear points/explanations being made about how ordinary people, when faced with impossible choices, do what they must to survive and make a space for themselves to do more than that (because don't we all deserve opportunity to prosper?), was well-used. Witnessing the endless loop of government detainments and rights-removal and dehumanization leading to the need for rebellion/Movement/nationalist parties, and the ease of recruitment as the government continues to discriminate and indiscriminately impose ‘rules,’ and opposition grows more desperate/stronger...it's a heartbreaking cycle. And it gets even worse, as the way spreading fear causes people to silence themselves…giving ever more power to the group causing that fear in the first place. And on top of all of those larger picture things, there's also the people themselves, the individuality of experiences under the universality of these circumstances. Seeing the way political opinion and loyalty is splitting families (in particular, in this case, Sashi's family), as they are all responding to the same horrors and violence and systemic discrimination around them - just in different ways because, as always, we are all different people - and that forced response is then causing further internal/familial fracturing and loss is all so tragic and unnecessary. Tangential to this aspect, I also really enjoyed the exploration of the confluence of feminism and revolution (the promises and false promises of it), in general and within the Tamil setting.

And even more than that, Sashi's own complex struggles stand out. Because those closest to her have made it clear that they are capable of doing terrible things in “support” of a belief or movement, while still doing the small, thoughtful things for family...what contradictory realities to have to compromise internally (and how doing that can tear a person apart and how it’s so much easier to not ask/pretend not to know). And because she wants to help people of course, she's studying to be a doctor, even if not all of those people have made "good" decisions...and how can you assign a loyalty to saving a life? It all builds, gorgeously across the development of the story and her character, to her choice to become a collector of stories, those of civilians, the regular people, the what is really happening and not the officially sanctioned version of any particular side, the stories that it hurts to listen to/witness (but that's what makes the work so important). It is a higher calling, a destiny, an effort that is precious and impossible. Which is why I said that this narrative voice, Sashi herself telling the reader how things got to where they ended up, is the perfect style, implemented exactly right. Sashi bears witness all throughout on her own, in her own life/actions, and later as a collector/writer for others to be able to do the same through her words.

I want to revisit the way Ganeshananthan explores the concept and label of terrorist. She leans into the complexities of what makes a "terrorist," who defines that and what conditions lead to a situation in which terrorism is created and flourishes, the way that the fight for beliefs/freedoms/rights can turn people into criminals and murderers just as horrible as those they claim to be fighting free of (while their original cause remains a legitimate one). She interrogates the concept that there is a level of "acceptable" human collateral damage for a cause or to justify an ends or a decision or a lack of intervention. She asks how often must this cycle of human loss repeat itself? She juxtaposes the choices of giving up family/study in order to fight for a future where you could be with them/do that work (though they may not be there or you may not have the knowledge then) versus staying the course with family/study (but how, if someone doesn’t fight for a future, will you ever be able to be or do that freely?). And she gives myriad examples of the potential interpretations and judgements and responses and disagreements people might have to these situations.

Throughout reading, I found it impossible to not think of how many other times this same story has played out. How often we pithily say 'never again,' yet do nothing when "again" keeps happening (especially in speaking to a top-down ‘power to actually do something’ hierarchy here - looking at the UN and major leading countries). How these exact, EXACT (like, I did more research after finshing the novel: it’s literally the same playbook of unanimously agreed upon genocide, but easier to look back and sigh and sorrow, than to fight in real time to change things apparently) things are playing out in front of the worlds' eyes as we speak with no evidence that we’ve learned from these past unimaginable tragedies at all. All that to say: free Palestine (and the Congo, and Sudan, and every other group experiencing these types of oppression).

I'd like to recognize, here at the end, a non-conflict highlight of this novel as well. Ganeshananthan not only brings to life the tragedy of the Sri Lankan civil war, but also the traditions and food religion(s) and peoples and educational system and uniquities of culture in Sri Lanka at large, and the Tamil minority specifically. Really, that part was lovely.

So yea, I had so many reactions while reading this, so many thoughts, and made so many notes. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me through them all. This novel brought it, in exploring the impossibility and heartbreak of decisions that “regular” civilians must make in order to survive, their own opinions/beliefs notwithstanding. And it's an ode to bearing witness, the importance of that, even (especially?) when one has to choose to risk everything else to accomplish it. I literally could not recommend this book more highly.

“You have to see the world yourself - don't let others tell you what it looks like.”

“At least that is how I imagine it, as I have imagined so much violence in the years since I have inside it. Am I imagining or am I remembering? I no longer know.”

“Imagine the places you grew up, the places you studied, places that belonged to your people, burned. But I should stop pretending that I know you. Perhaps you do not have to imagine. Perhaps your library, too, went up in smoke.”

"You must understand: there is no single day on which a war begins. The conflict will collect around you gradually, the way carrion birds assemble around the vulnerable, until there are so many predators that the object of their hunger is not even visible. You will not even be able to see yourself in the gathering crowd of those who would kill you."

“How seamlessly we had moved into the space of censoring ourselves around those we loved the most.”

“The idea was that Sri Lankan Tamils were a nation with a homeland, and had a right to self-determination, and that every Tamil had the right to citizenship, along with other basic rights. But the government agreed with only the final part of that formulation.” (I mean no wonder everyone felt that fighting was the only solution left.)

“It won’t unhappen just because you don’t say it...” (damn)

“Evil is not limited by what you personally can imagine.”

“The thread of the past connecting us. Not the history of countries, but the history of home.”

“Before there was a movement, there were six children on a lane…”

“Have you ever been haunted by propaganda? It can be a kind of ghost.”

“Doctors resolve to relieve pain, but pain is information, and to lose it can mean losing something valuable. Pain draws a map. And if your body hurts, then your mind is occupied and cannot think too deeply about what has happened to you.”

“I want you to understand: this is not an excuse, or an explanation. It is a fact.” - what a description for how people act when forced or when there’s no other way or when desperation is all that’s left

“…I had such long practice in being the figure at the edge of the picture.”

“It’s good you are leaving [...] We should all leave. But oh, God, we belong to this place. How can we live anywhere else?”

“How many of us had felt that we had suffered alone at the hands of the militants or the state or the Indians? But we were not alone; as I had placed one story next to another [...] I could see how each small piece fit, until the whole war stretched out around us, its costs forrific and fathomable.”

“When the wrong person asks you to do the right thing, do you do it?”

Content Warnings

Ghost Season by Fatin Abbas

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emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

An early copy of this was sent to the library I work at and ended up in a "free to a good home" pile. To my good home it went. Haha. But in all seriousness, I am grateful, because I don't think I would ever have seen or heard of it otherwise.

In Ghost Season, according to the Goodreads blurb: "A mysterious burnt corpse appears one morning in Saraaya, a remote border town between northern and southern Sudan. For five strangers on an NGO compound, the discovery foreshadows trouble to come. South Sudanese translator William connects the corpse to the sudden disappearance of cook Layla, a northern nomad with whom he’s fallen in love. Meanwhile, Sudanese American filmmaker Dena struggles to connect to her unfamiliar homeland, and white midwestern aid worker Alex finds his plans thwarted by a changing climate and looming civil war. Dancing between the adults is Mustafa, a clever, endearing twelve-year-old, whose schemes to rise out of poverty set off cataclysmic events on the compound. Amid the paradoxes of identity, art, humanitarian aid, and a territory riven by conflict, William, Layla, Dena, Alex, and Mustafa must forge bonds stronger than blood or identity. Weaving a sweeping history of the breakup of Sudan into the lives of these captivating characters, Fatin Abbas explores the porous and perilous nature of borders—whether they be national, ethnic, or religious—and the profound consequences for those who cross them."

This was really interesting to pick up after reading River Spirit a few months ago, as a sort of continuation of Sudan's story, the progression of it as a country/countries from the very end of the 19th century to its more recent past, in the late 20th century. The setting, the border between North and South Sudan, and more specifically an NGO complex located there, allows Abbas to bring together this diverse cast of characters in ways that they'd never be able to overlap, under other circumstances. This variety of perspectives on the ways that expanding boundaries (going new places and meeting new people) can provide new opportunities and expanding ideas of what is possible, is a fantastic thematic message, particularly against the backdrop of devastating conflict based on insular/exclusive views. It was compelling, to watch the ways each of our characters provided that opportunity for growth for each other, and experienced it themselves, in turn.

Sort of along those lines, this look at the complications of traditions and landscape and language through the lens of mapmaking (when seasons cause the rivers to dry or move, when multiple groups - nomads, settlements/farms, authorities, religious sects, and more - squabble over boundaries, when locations have names in more than one language, when wars/climate/lifestyles cause impermanence to villages/markets) was unique and fascinating. It was the perfect vehicle with which to demonstrate the challenges and distinctiveness of the region, both for native peoples and outsiders. Abbas used it as a literary and educational tool in a way that was a completely new perspective for me, and spellbinding as such.

There was just enough of a plot to keep things moving, narratively. It was real and I was invested. And yet, it was simple enough that the characters themselves, their relationships and experiences and change, were allowed to hold down center stage. The plot never distracted me from the focus that was their development, but, as I said, it was very much enough to keep me turning pages. Abbas did a wonderful job with the setting as well. This area of Sudan, its people and traditions and contradictions and difficulties, really came to life through her words. And even against the reality of the terror that civil war and regional conflict bring, there are still moments of love and connection and joy that highlight the way regular life continues even under the most dire and horrifying of circumstances. It really felt authentic and well-rounded in its representation of real daily life.

The only thing I was not totally sold on was the way the burnt corpse from the beginning, mentioned in the blurb. It feels, to me, that the description makes it a much larger part of the plot than it actually was. Even as Abbas references it throughout the novel, as a symbolic "start" and a sort of "mental" connection amongst the characters, it never really blended with the rest of the narrative for me. It did allow for another stylistic choice of literarily bookending the story with dead bodies, which was heartbreaking and impactful. But I'm not sure it was necessary? It was fine, just not my favorite aspect/motif, out of everything else Abbas managed in these pages.

There's a small quote from the end of the Goodreads blurb that I want to revisit here: "...Abbas explores the porous and perilous nature of borders—whether they be national, ethnic, or religious—and the profound consequences for those who cross them." That really sums up, for me, the heart of this book. It really did that. The finale brings those consequences with a heartbreaking finality that was tragic as all hell, but gorgeous in the way it delivers its message with no softening of the blow. The way Abbas builds up the reader with joy and celebration and hope, and then with no holding back, reminds them that the specter and chance of violence can never be forgotten/left behind, and the unnecessary-ness and senselessness of it all, is tragedy in its purest (worst) form. But even then, she demonstrates spirit and hope and still live on, quietly, under the weight of that tragedy. It's *almost* too much to sit with all at one time. Just, fantastic writing.

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1500 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1500 reviews