This was SUCH a good book. It was easy to read, and the British lingo wasn’t too hard to figure out. This books takes the reader on a thrilling psychological ride with a few twists and turns. It was so good, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I saw this was now a TV show on Channel 4 and googled it; saw it was a book and according to my Goodreads I had read it. I had literally no recollection of doing so but found it on my kindle. After a while some of it rang a bell but I could't remember the ending so unfortunately had to persevere until the end. I previously gave this 3 stars however no idea why.

Typically, I like to read books that border on philosophy and are filled with frilly prose. I first heard about this book through one of the podcasts that I listen to and it sounded a little too action/thriller to me. Over the summer, I found myself hungry for something that I could gobble up in one sitting like a Big Mac (and hopefully, like a Big Mac, it would leave me feeling content but ashamed). Boy was I WRONG! What started off as an internet/technology thriller turned into a book about the lengths we will go to in order to feel accepted and needed.

Leila, the protagonist, stumbles upon a website called Red Pill in which participants can discuss different philosophical conundrums. Leila is already a bit lost in her life and doesn't have much in the way of friends or a career. Because of this, she is easily sucked into the site and its mysterious owner, Adrian. She is quickly sucked into Adrian's web and when he asks her to work on "Project Tess", Leila jumps at the chance. Tess is a woman who has decided to commit suicide, but she does not want to hurt her family and friends because of her decision. So, she asks Adrian to find her someone who can pretend to be Tess through emails and letters. Eventually, the correspondence will trail off and Tess will be forgotten completely. Leila seems like the perfect person for the job; but as she becomes increasingly obsessed with Tess' life, the story takes on a very different spin.

En annorlunda & intressant bok, med kanske lite för långa kapitel, som ändå fångade mitt intresse om att vilja läsa mer. Tyckte konceptet & idén var intressant!

I had high expectations of this book that I received as an ARC. I read it in one sitting on a cross country flight - the first 2/3rds of the book were engrossing and as the setting moved back and forth between England and Spain the tension kept building and building and then.....what a let down. The wrap-up of the book felt fake and rushed, kind of like the end of a weekly Law and Order episode. Everything wrapped up in a nice little bow, with really no surprises to mull over. The first part of the book provides good food for thought about the many people who fail to connect to people outside the internet but beyond that, this was a safe, conformist book. I think the author could have a better book in her.

I was attracted to this book because of the cover...bees/wasps seem to be a "thing" in cover art lately ([bc:The Shining Girls|16131077|The Shining Girls|Lauren Beukes|http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1352227705s/16131077.jpg|21956898]). In this case (and kind of with the other), it has NOTHING to do with what's inside the book. Who do those lips belong to? Certainly not the always-wearing-track-pants-and-hoodies narrator, Leila. Are they Tess's? If yes, what's with the bee? What does that have to do with anything? Did I skip over the part with the bees?

The book itself was interesting. The premise is very of-the-time with Catfish and the fake girlfriend scandal in college football plus it's combined with the ethical dilemma of self-ownership and suicide ([b:Me Before You|15507958|Me Before You|Jojo Moyes|http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1357108762s/15507958.jpg|17763198] handles that topic MUCH better though). All very interesting things for a book to cover, but the characters...

The characters were annoying. There's the naive (I'm not even sure that's the right word), smart-yet-so-stupid Leila. The selfish, bipolar, but beautiful Tess (I mean, to even ASK someone else to take over your life to "protect" your family. That's incredibly selfish and cruel.) The Ayn Rand fan, Adrian (the fact that he likes the serial killer fan that is Rand says SO MUCH about this nutjob).

However the fact that I kept turning the pages says a lot. I was fascinated by just how dense Leila seemed to be and I wanted to know what happened to Tess (no real resolution there though).

There comes a point in time in which one runs across that one book, which truly takes you outside of your comfort zone. It manages to challenge the way in which you view the world. Kiss Me First, by Lottie Moggach deals with deep subject matter, which manages to challenge the moral view point of its readers. Leila is the books protagonist, she is an intelligent young woman, but she is somewhat socially immature. She grew up in a sheltered home, with just herself and her mother. After the death of her mother, friendless and unable to truly exist in the real world, Leila searches for a new start. She finds that new start on Red Pill. Red Pill is a philosophical website, founded by Adrian (who is questionably inspired by the late Ayn Rand). On Red Pill, Leila is quickly promoted to the top level, which means that she is a “great thinker”. She is beyond flattered by this perceived honor, she is even more so flattered when the site’s founder reaches out to her, regarding a special project. That special project is, “Project Tess”.

“Project Tess” involves Leila taking over the life of a 30 plus year old woman who wishes to commit suicide. However, she does not want her family to know that she has committed the unthinkable deed. Therefore, she wants someone to maintain an online profile for her after she is long gone from this world. Adrian convinces Leila that she would be a perfect fit, therefore, Leila agrees. It is during this section of the novel in which I began to have serious difficulties connecting with the Leila character. Her choices were quite questionable, she far too easily embarked upon taking on the identity of Tess. Tess, a woman who was obviously in need of great help, but the moment in which she agreed to help her die, Tess’ blood was in a way on Leila’s hands. Leila’s choices were baffling and troubling throughout the book. She was extremely judgmental, in fact, she turned down a potential roommate because she noticed a bible in his pocket. She also had the tendency to believe that her way was the right way and that there could be no other way.

Leila was defiant in her choices, even when starting a relationship with Tess’ ex online. The unassuming man believed that he was talking to his long lost love, but unfortunately for him is was Leila. Leila, who believed that he would prefer her over Tess anyway, once she revealed the truth to him. I was also troubled by her reactions to those who questioned her decisions, especially Tess’ mother. She came across as cold, uncaring, yet easily bruised by the thoughts of others regarding the way in which she was perceived. There is something else in which Leila reveals much later in the book, regarding her mother’s death. Her revelation which further cemented my negative view of the Leila character. I do not know if Leila was meant to be a sympathetic character, because if she was, I failed to sympathize with her. She was morally corrupt, and even in the end, she still failed to recognize this fact.

Kiss Me First, deals with sensitive issues such as suicide and mental illness. I wish, however, that it was handled differently. Apart of me wishes that Leila would have early on stepped in to stop the Tess debacle. I wanted her to recognize that there are right choices and wrong choices. She semi makes the right choice at the end, but only after destroying so many lives. Leila’s immaturity as a young woman could have been understandable. However, she denied herself the opportunity to grow, to learn. I desire character growth when reading a novel, there was no growth for Leila. It was a constant barrage of poor choices again and again, without considering the emotional impact which it could have on others. Would I suggest Kiss Me First to readers? Probably not, unless they were comfortable enough reading about a character with Leila’s glaring faults.

This is a re-read for me. This is one of my favorites.