There comes a point in time in which one runs across that one book, which truly takes you outside of your comfort zone. It manages to challenge the way in which you view the world. Kiss Me First, by Lottie Moggach deals with deep subject matter, which manages to challenge the moral view point of its readers. Leila is the books protagonist, she is an intelligent young woman, but she is somewhat socially immature. She grew up in a sheltered home, with just herself and her mother. After the death of her mother, friendless and unable to truly exist in the real world, Leila searches for a new start. She finds that new start on Red Pill. Red Pill is a philosophical website, founded by Adrian (who is questionably inspired by the late Ayn Rand). On Red Pill, Leila is quickly promoted to the top level, which means that she is a “great thinker”. She is beyond flattered by this perceived honor, she is even more so flattered when the site’s founder reaches out to her, regarding a special project. That special project is, “Project Tess”.

“Project Tess” involves Leila taking over the life of a 30 plus year old woman who wishes to commit suicide. However, she does not want her family to know that she has committed the unthinkable deed. Therefore, she wants someone to maintain an online profile for her after she is long gone from this world. Adrian convinces Leila that she would be a perfect fit, therefore, Leila agrees. It is during this section of the novel in which I began to have serious difficulties connecting with the Leila character. Her choices were quite questionable, she far too easily embarked upon taking on the identity of Tess. Tess, a woman who was obviously in need of great help, but the moment in which she agreed to help her die, Tess’ blood was in a way on Leila’s hands. Leila’s choices were baffling and troubling throughout the book. She was extremely judgmental, in fact, she turned down a potential roommate because she noticed a bible in his pocket. She also had the tendency to believe that her way was the right way and that there could be no other way.

Leila was defiant in her choices, even when starting a relationship with Tess’ ex online. The unassuming man believed that he was talking to his long lost love, but unfortunately for him is was Leila. Leila, who believed that he would prefer her over Tess anyway, once she revealed the truth to him. I was also troubled by her reactions to those who questioned her decisions, especially Tess’ mother. She came across as cold, uncaring, yet easily bruised by the thoughts of others regarding the way in which she was perceived. There is something else in which Leila reveals much later in the book, regarding her mother’s death. Her revelation which further cemented my negative view of the Leila character. I do not know if Leila was meant to be a sympathetic character, because if she was, I failed to sympathize with her. She was morally corrupt, and even in the end, she still failed to recognize this fact.

Kiss Me First, deals with sensitive issues such as suicide and mental illness. I wish, however, that it was handled differently. Apart of me wishes that Leila would have early on stepped in to stop the Tess debacle. I wanted her to recognize that there are right choices and wrong choices. She semi makes the right choice at the end, but only after destroying so many lives. Leila’s immaturity as a young woman could have been understandable. However, she denied herself the opportunity to grow, to learn. I desire character growth when reading a novel, there was no growth for Leila. It was a constant barrage of poor choices again and again, without considering the emotional impact which it could have on others. Would I suggest Kiss Me First to readers? Probably not, unless they were comfortable enough reading about a character with Leila’s glaring faults.