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384 reviews
When Kids Say They're Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents by Lisa Marchiano, Sasha Ayad, Sasha Ayad, Stella O'Malley
1.0
Woof. This is a long book, so this review is going to be long too. If you want the TLDR; this book is massively self-referential and relies too heavily on the concept ROGD (rapid-onset gender dysphoria)- a concept that has no medical or scientific recognition and is widely criticized by professional and academic institutions for its methodology. This book also encourages parents to isolate their children, cut off any trans friends, and deny trans identities even well into adulthood and regardless of if they feel at peace and live fulfilling lives.
—-
Coming into this book I had anticipated it to be more of a parental guide focusing on advice on tackling some of the larger troubles with teenage angst with a lens on gender. However, right off the bat it informs the reader that transitioning is in no way a possibility, and is really only to affirm parents who’ve either made up their minds to rejecting transition or to scare already worried parents using false comparisons and disturbing language.
Despite the book stating it’s organization’s support for and by trans people (more on that later), it never actually offers any way for a parent to establish a measure or guide to help navigate with their child if transitioning in the future (even as an adult) is a possibility. It instead focuses its language it admonish all aspects of transitioning, drawing comparisons to diseases, addictions, and even dementia.
“…you will have your pick.” The book states when mentioning where a parent can seek help for information on gender or transitioning. “If, however, you would like to slow down a child’s rush to engage in life-altering medical procedures…you may find professional help in short supply.”
It paints a harsh picture: Parents who affirm are “rushing”, the decisions are “reckless”, that allowing transition is allowing teens to “control” their parents. That parents of adults who are trans can only go only hope and cope with the grief. That transition is destruction, and the parents are victims to witness this tragedy.
While the book offers some words of comfort who may be feeling a variety of emotions, it doesn’t help to fuel the fire of fear, confusion, and anger when it’s opening outright says that the desire to transition is a slippery slope that only ever leads to failed medical operations,xxx addiction, and misery.
While I can appreciate what the book suggests in allowing gender exploration and familial bonding (minus the part where they said painting one’s nails is an “accoutrements of adult dress.”…huh??), what measures to be taken to make a teen ‘desist’ can be wildly extreme.
From suggestions in parent’s stories- “We were “unavailable” for get-togethers with the “trans” friend/s.” and “We decided to leave the liberal echo chamber, and our daughter’s social circle, by renting our home, quitting our jobs and moving abroad, where our girls would go to another school in another country.” and “We let her know we would not support her doing anything that could cause permanent damage to her body until she was financially independent, living on her own and twenty-five years old.”…
Parents reading these stories and suggestions are encouraged to isolate their teens and even adults(!!!) from even having trans people in their social circles. That the appropriate reaction to hearing ‘Mom, Dad, I’m trans’ is to pack up and move countries. This isn’t a one-time mention in a testimony either- These are ideas brought up multiple times throughout. While changes in scenery and routine can help teenagers and young adults out of a funk, to say these will aid in ushering desistance is wildly misguided and can lead to way more frustration for a parent when their child may still be trans.
Now, we need to look at Genspect. This is an organization frequently referenced in the book and is mentioned briefly that the authors are the founders. While Genspect is mentioned as being an organization for having criticisms of medicalization of trans teens with both trans and non-trans people alike behind the cause, Genspect has contested against social and medical transition at any age, drag queens, and health insurances covering trans medical care.
It’s also important to note that while the authors are transparent that they are founders of Genspect, multiple organizations mentioned as being reliable sources for information and research turned out to also be either founded or boarded by the authors, with NO MENTION IN THE BOOK THAT THE AUTHORS ARE A PART OF THEM.
This includes but is not limited to; Society For Evidence-Based Gender Medicine (SEGM), Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA), Clinical Advisory Network on Sex and Gender, The Institute for Comprehensive Gender Dysphoria Research (ICGDR), Thoughtful Therapists Wider Lens Consulting, The Gender Dysphoria Support Network (GDSN)…I’m honestly probably missing a few. Some orgs mentioned in the book also don’t have a boards or founders page, so I can’t verify who made them or aid with leadership in them. It makes it harder to put a face to the name, and makes it even harder to believe how authentic some of these are, at least in terms of credibility. Some voices mentioned are also a part of one or a few of these orgs (genspect specifically), such as Lisa Littman, who’s the “clinical advisor” at Genspect and who’s concept of ROGD is repeatedly cited.
It’s important to know that none of these orgs mentioned are recognized by any professional scientific or medical board, despite the book toting them as such. Tooting your own horn much?
I could say a lot more…about the gross implications that all trans people are a social contagion, the beat-for-beat rationalizations once used against gay men and lesbians for their lives, the double standards of methodology, the shocking (or not that shocking) lack of writing on intersex people and the offensive terms used to refer them, etc etc.
Booo
—-
Coming into this book I had anticipated it to be more of a parental guide focusing on advice on tackling some of the larger troubles with teenage angst with a lens on gender. However, right off the bat it informs the reader that transitioning is in no way a possibility, and is really only to affirm parents who’ve either made up their minds to rejecting transition or to scare already worried parents using false comparisons and disturbing language.
Despite the book stating it’s organization’s support for and by trans people (more on that later), it never actually offers any way for a parent to establish a measure or guide to help navigate with their child if transitioning in the future (even as an adult) is a possibility. It instead focuses its language it admonish all aspects of transitioning, drawing comparisons to diseases, addictions, and even dementia.
“…you will have your pick.” The book states when mentioning where a parent can seek help for information on gender or transitioning. “If, however, you would like to slow down a child’s rush to engage in life-altering medical procedures…you may find professional help in short supply.”
It paints a harsh picture: Parents who affirm are “rushing”, the decisions are “reckless”, that allowing transition is allowing teens to “control” their parents. That parents of adults who are trans can only go only hope and cope with the grief. That transition is destruction, and the parents are victims to witness this tragedy.
While the book offers some words of comfort who may be feeling a variety of emotions, it doesn’t help to fuel the fire of fear, confusion, and anger when it’s opening outright says that the desire to transition is a slippery slope that only ever leads to failed medical operations,xxx addiction, and misery.
While I can appreciate what the book suggests in allowing gender exploration and familial bonding (minus the part where they said painting one’s nails is an “accoutrements of adult dress.”…huh??), what measures to be taken to make a teen ‘desist’ can be wildly extreme.
From suggestions in parent’s stories- “We were “unavailable” for get-togethers with the “trans” friend/s.” and “We decided to leave the liberal echo chamber, and our daughter’s social circle, by renting our home, quitting our jobs and moving abroad, where our girls would go to another school in another country.” and “We let her know we would not support her doing anything that could cause permanent damage to her body until she was financially independent, living on her own and twenty-five years old.”…
Parents reading these stories and suggestions are encouraged to isolate their teens and even adults(!!!) from even having trans people in their social circles. That the appropriate reaction to hearing ‘Mom, Dad, I’m trans’ is to pack up and move countries. This isn’t a one-time mention in a testimony either- These are ideas brought up multiple times throughout. While changes in scenery and routine can help teenagers and young adults out of a funk, to say these will aid in ushering desistance is wildly misguided and can lead to way more frustration for a parent when their child may still be trans.
Now, we need to look at Genspect. This is an organization frequently referenced in the book and is mentioned briefly that the authors are the founders. While Genspect is mentioned as being an organization for having criticisms of medicalization of trans teens with both trans and non-trans people alike behind the cause, Genspect has contested against social and medical transition at any age, drag queens, and health insurances covering trans medical care.
It’s also important to note that while the authors are transparent that they are founders of Genspect, multiple organizations mentioned as being reliable sources for information and research turned out to also be either founded or boarded by the authors, with NO MENTION IN THE BOOK THAT THE AUTHORS ARE A PART OF THEM.
This includes but is not limited to; Society For Evidence-Based Gender Medicine (SEGM), Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA), Clinical Advisory Network on Sex and Gender, The Institute for Comprehensive Gender Dysphoria Research (ICGDR), Thoughtful Therapists Wider Lens Consulting, The Gender Dysphoria Support Network (GDSN)…I’m honestly probably missing a few. Some orgs mentioned in the book also don’t have a boards or founders page, so I can’t verify who made them or aid with leadership in them. It makes it harder to put a face to the name, and makes it even harder to believe how authentic some of these are, at least in terms of credibility. Some voices mentioned are also a part of one or a few of these orgs (genspect specifically), such as Lisa Littman, who’s the “clinical advisor” at Genspect and who’s concept of ROGD is repeatedly cited.
It’s important to know that none of these orgs mentioned are recognized by any professional scientific or medical board, despite the book toting them as such. Tooting your own horn much?
I could say a lot more…about the gross implications that all trans people are a social contagion, the beat-for-beat rationalizations once used against gay men and lesbians for their lives, the double standards of methodology, the shocking (or not that shocking) lack of writing on intersex people and the offensive terms used to refer them, etc etc.
Booo