i'm going to be sick. oh my god. i'm genuinely so hurt and empty right now because that ending CRUSHED ME. HOW WILL I SLEEP AT NIGHT WTF???????????? i need a pip and ravi happy ending STAT i am not okay!!!

will this book series haunt me forever? probably! am i still really glad i read it? DEFINITELY. the rollercoaster of emotions i went through while reading this trilogy is genuinely insane, all of the plot twists and the character building were so expertly crafted. 

while i do understand why holly jackson ended the series as she did, because there is way more drama and shock factor that way, i do lowkey think it would have been possible for pip to just tell the police that jason was the DT killer; her DNA was all over his car, there's evidence she escaped from the storage closet, there's andie's email, green scene ltd, security alarm etc. i was honestly so surprised that pip didn't connect the dots about jason being DT right after she read andie's email; it was so obvious. even if the police wouldn't have believed her, the alternative plan she formulated seemed like such an extremely far stretch to go. 

it's really creepy when you think about how the first book in the series started with pip trying to solve a murder case, wherein it was revealed that sal, the alleged killer was framed, and in the final book in the series pip herself frames max for murder. it's all very full circle, for lack of a better phrase, which is part of what makes it so haunting. i've seen a lot of criticism about this book, from what i gathered it's most people's least favourite in the series. to be honest i understand that point of view. however i just feel like after everything pip has been through, it does kind of make sense why she would lose trust in the police, and lose her ability to think rationally in the situation with jason bell. maybe that's just me trying to make sense of it all, but yeah. i still think it was a really good book. so, SO scary and sad but so good.

read at your own risk though😭

i will probably update this review in the morning but for now holy shit i am just speechless

WOW. viola davis's story is so inspirational, from crawling out of poverty to working her way up to being an oscar-winning actress. she is a true testament to perseverance and healing from past trauma.

not only is her story fascinating but the way she expressed her ideas through the writing was so compelling. one of my favourite parts of the book was the discussion about the entertainment industry in general, i feel like i learnt a lot (eg: the difference of how theatre and film are treated) and it was interesting to hear from the perspective of someone who has been working in it for decades. the conversations about the racism, colorism, and misogyny that she faced in hollywood are so valuable because these are conversations that need to be had and there are so many stories that still need to be heard.

overall i really enjoyed this book. if you are going to read it, i would highly recommend listening to the audio book (that's what i did) because she is such a good narrator!! the emotion in her voice when telling the story and just the way she talks in general makes you want to keep listening.

"When they smile, it's gold in the sky, unfolding green hills, a country of endless possibilities, the relief of the last turn before home."

this was a very sweet romance book!! here's what i liked and didn't like about the pairing:

1) casey mcquiston's writing is gorgeous. personally, i really enjoy their writing style, and i have said this many a time. not only are the words and the sentence craft beautiful, but i really admire how much research you can tell goes into their novels. the descriptions of every place in europe as well as the food and drink imagery were so rich and precise in detail. also, some of my favourite parts were in kit's POV when he quoted rainer maria rilke (an austrian poet). all the lines pulled were accurately describing kit's feelings, or whatever moment/mental state he was in, and i think that's a really beautiful lense to see things through, because at the end of the day that is what art does. it serves as a reminder you are never alone, that someone out there has once felt what you are feeling now. 

2) the book has a large focus on the general human condition of wanting to love and be loved, eat good food, dream big, fuck, and make art. very heavy european vibes, fitting since the entire book was set in various countries in europe. if i were to rename it in the literal sense, it would be "chaotic, horny bisexuals gallivant around europe". i feel like the vibe of the book in general is giving "follow your dreams/heart" and general sentiments similar to that, and though it was cliché at times, it was mostly cute.

3) the "veux-tu m'épouser" ending was SOOOO CUTE i giggled. what can i say i am a sucker for french!

now onto what i didn't like...

1) the stereotypical european characters. obviously, almost nothing about this book is realistic-casey mcquiston's books rarely are-and there's nothing wrong with that, i mean i love a bit of escapism just as much as the next girl, but this was just TOO much. they made all the italians so "mamma mia pasta pizza" and the frenchies so "oooh voulez vous coucher avec moi". because okay, yes, there are a TON of hot people in europe, but there are also just a ton of regular looking people!!!! not every person you meet is gonna be outrageously attractive and under the age of 35 wanting to hook up any chance they get!!!! but all the characters in this book were like that, and they were essentially used as sex pawns rather than having any real personality, or furthering the plot in any way. basically, it was TOO horny (wow, never thought i would be typing that for a book review). 

2) the sex scenes made me really uncomfortable lol. usually, when i read a book i know is going to contain spice, i am prepared. the vibes are there, i know what i'm getting into, and it makes sense in the context of the story. spicy scenes can be great in books, but in my opinion, NOT this book. something about the way the dialogues were written just turned me off and it was sooooo awkward to read. it's weird because in red white & royal blue, mcquiston's debut novel, the spicy scenes were written really well and they were actually very important to the story. they were purposeful, sexy, they meant something. unfortunately i just did not feel that way with similar scenes in the pairing.

3) whenever theo would talk about the wines he was drinking. i know he's literally a sommelier so it makes sense but it just gave me the ick for some reason. that's not really a valid criticism of the book, more just a me thing lol. 

all in all, i enjoyed reading this and it's great queer representation, but i do see how it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea!

another short story for school, i really liked this one though. powerful representation of women's struggles in a patriarchal society. 

"i could tell him apart from all the others in creation"

yet another one for school

my jaw was on the floor, butt was on the edge of my seat, eyes were GLUED to the page omfg i am obsessed with this book!!!! can’t believe it took me SO long to read it, but i am really glad i finally did (madhavi if you’re reading this, thanks for keeping on pestering me to read it HAHAHA). 

gosh, where do i even start?? the plot was so insane, and the twists and turns that reveal themselves as the story go on just keep on getting more interesting. i honestly don’t think i’ve ever read a murder mystery like this one, so it was such a cool new experience for me, i wasn’t expecting to be so into it!! it was also super fun to read because i’m shit at putting the clues together and thinking of actual theories—i never thought the killer was who they were LOL but that’s the best part cause it was so unexpected! but at the same time so obvious! holly jackson is just a genius omg.  

i LOVED pip and ravi, literally such an iconic duo. the “real men where floral when trespassing” line will live in my head forever lmao. even though the book was not focused on their romance, i liked it as a side plot and you could still tell how well they go together as a couple but also as a team!! rip sal and barney you did not deserve that 🥲🥲

the book also just makes you reflect on crime in society and how easily some cases are glossed over, and even the most obvious suspect for a crime can be innocent, even if the evidence points to them. sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper and it honestly makes me wonder how many cases like sal’s exist in the world—completely innocent people wrongly deemed the as criminals. 

overall, absolutely fantastic, mind blowing book… it might make me 2024 top 10 books i fear 

for school. it was okay 

another one for school