just_one_more_paige's reviews
1500 reviews

challenging emotional sad tense medium-paced

5.0

I saw a very "friend of a friend" sort of IG acquaintance post about reading this, talking about how it should be required reading...so, naturally, I put it on hold at the library. And after reading it, I have to say, I pretty much agree.

In Solito, poet Javier Zamora shares the story of his crossing from El Salvador to the US on his own, at 9 years old. From his small hometown to Guatemala, then Mexico and finally, on the third attempt, to the US (Arizona) by way of the Sonoran Desert, Javier makes this trip without anyone he knows, just a small group of other El Salvadorans attempting the same harrowing journey, and the coyote(s) they've hired to lead them. The "trip" is supposed to last two weeks, but it is seven weeks later (for most of which his family has no idea where he is or if he still lives) that he is finally reunited with his parents. From dangerous boat trips, being held at gunpoint and detained, suffering endless treks through the desert without enough food/water, losing almost all his belongings running from "la migra," and spending most of the journey scared and dirty and feeling alone, Javier experiences a life-changing two months that are far beyond the reckoning of so many, yet still intimately familiar to too many. Without the selfless effort of two of the other travelers in his group, who take him under their care despite having no incentive/need to do so, the end of his story may have been very different - one that he likely would not have been here/able to tell us.

My goodness, Zamora's writing is stunning. The juxtaposition of the poetry of his words and the clarity with which he describes (in many cases) terrifying and grueling circumstances, is incredible. One of the reasons for that, and really a highlight of the entire reading experience for me, is the attention that Zamora gives to the details. Throughout the entire book, the descriptions are visceral; his use of all the senses, in conveying what he remembers, does a spectacular job in bringing the reader along on every bit of these weeks of Zamora's life. And really before that, as well. The opening chapter, that takes place in his hometown in El Salvador, as he and his family prepare for his "trip," where he shares memories of his daily life, school, classmates/friends, toys, his family (especially his abuela's food stand and the relationship he has with his tía Mali), is so sweet in the simplicity of it's recognizable childhood-ness, of "just like kids everywhere." And your heart begins to ache while reading it, in anticipation of him having to leave/lose that, knowing (as an adult) what he (as a child) cannot: that he'll never be back in this place, with these people, in the same way again. Even with his own anticipation and joy for a “trip” leading to a long awaited reunion, and even being aware that there is a "happy" ending (as it were), you also know that what's to come will change this bright-eyed and hopeful young kid forever. And when it all comes, it's just as traumatic and heartbreaking and harrowing as you're steeling yourself for it to be.

And that brings me to the one major socio-political commentary I want to make... Who is able to argue that a child deserves to have to experience what Zamora experiences for even a chance at living a safe (comparatively - which, yes is arguable, and is also not the one comment I'm making, so, go research that on your own if you need to) life with their parents? Like, seriously, who are you people? Because imagine having to make this choice...to subject your child to a journey/border crossings like this, alone, with a very real possibility of serious injury/death/trauma OR to possibly never see/live with them again? If there were legitimately any other option, an actual opportunity to do things another way, who wouldn't pick that other way? And if you were in that position, having to make this impossible choice, wouldn't you want your destination to be more understanding/friendlier/more welcoming that you/we are acting? Just like, look in the mirror, take a moment to reflect, read/learn something, and just be better.

The way Zamora communicates his experience, but manages to, even from the current distance of time and processing he's had as an adult, maintain the details and observations and understandings of a child's perspective of it all, is something really special. One would wish that it didn't have to be something special, that he (or any child), would never have to live through this type of thing. But I'm eternally grateful and indelibly impacted, by the bravery Zamora's shown first in surviving in the moment, and second in surviving the reliving and the telling and the sharing with the world. The Author's Note at the end offers thanks to humans (in general, yes, but more specifically the few featured here in Zamora's own story), who chose to help and sacrifice and even jeopardize their own chances/selves, knowing they may never see the results. The way people can truly change each other's lives for the better, if we would only work towards that, instead of putting effort into the opposite, is so clearly shown. And finally, I have to mention the emotional and tender dedication to all those who have/are making/didn’t survive the crossing.

Zamora gives a voice to such a hidden population here, one that is purposely silenced and vilified in a fear-mongering way that does nothing but hurt us all, reclaiming their dignity and humanity and the truth that they are equally deserving of opportunity that is so routinely stolen from them. "All" he does is tell his own story, with no messaging or arguing of anything added in, ever. Because his story is enough - the candor of it, the bald face of it, should make us all horrified. It should spur us all to fight for better systems. This entire novel, from writing to content, is stunning. And again, I concur, this is a novel of the "American Dream" that should absolutely be considered required reading.

Content Warnings

Triple Sec by TJ Alexander

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emotional hopeful lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

I've been really exploring poly relationships in fiction lately. The idea really appeals to me, emotionally and relationally. And the variety of ways these relationships can look, the different styles of love, is fascinating. I mean, if we are being honest, who doesn't want deep connections and support with more people? And the chance to "share the load" (as it were - sorry for the LOTR reference, iykyk - I can't help it) as needed. Anyways, the point is, from my perspective: big yes to poly love. So, I was super excited to start seeing bookstagram posts about this book, a legit main-stream romance publication featuring a poly threesome. When I saw it being offered on NetGalley as an eArc I jumped on it so fast - and was hype to have been granted access.

Mel is a bartender at Terror & Virtue, a swanky New York City cocktail. And that's pretty much her life, as her recovery from divorce has been...not going well. But, that all changes when Bebe walks into the bar. They have an instant connection that Mel decides to take a gamble on, when Bebe offers to take her on a date, since she and her wife, Kade, have an open marriage. Things progress pretty quickly, emotionally and physically, and quite soon, Mel finds herself in over her head (or at least, that's what it feels like) with Bebe. And not just with Bebe. Despite thinking Kade hated her, it turns out, they just express themselves in a much more subdued way. And the attraction/connection between Mel and Kade morphs into something greater as well. So, of course, then all three must figure out how they fit together in a way that works for each/all. At the same time, Mel is facing some low-key terrible workplace admin changes and enters a cocktail competition that has the potential to completely change her future. Honestly there are a lot of things going on that could completely change Mel's life...and all for the better, if she can figure them out. Fingers crossed.

Alright y'all. It is with a *very* heavy heart that I say: I have extremely mixed feelings on this book. Now, to be fair, there is a chance I had really built it up in my head before starting, because I was so excited about it, and therefore my expectations were too high. Like, that's totally possible. And yet...here I am, heartbroken that I didn't just all out love it. Now, give me a chance to explain my feelings through this review to decide to give it a try (or not) yourself, because my reactions were so mixed, that if the things I did love (the plot, the pacing, the writing) appeal to you, then I would absolutely suggest giving it a go. Because maybe what I didn't love (the chemistry) was a me problem and wouldn't affect you in the slightest.

So, the things I loved. The setup was great. Mel as a bartender, the cocktail competition, her life plans, her relationship with her roomie/coworker/bestie Daniel, etc. I enjoyed some of the tropes too, like Mel and Kade getting snowed in together. I was super into all the art (and the inclusive look at what "counts" as art) and all the tattoos. The spicy scenes were few, but they were diverse (as far as preferences/light kinks), and well written. Towards the end, when Mel (finally) faces and gets closure with her ex-wife, I loved that it was satisfyingly "take that," but also mature. And, of course, I loved the poly relationship that was central: the complexity of figuring out what that means for each involved party and how there is no prescription for how to be poly; it's as varied and diverse as the people in the relationship. Beautiful and accepting and heart-filling. And just really, the general plot and pacing and storytelling were all smooth and compelling.

The things I wasn't as into. Or, to be most clear, the one thing that was also big enough that it affected everything: the chemistry. I honestly never bought into Mel and Bebe and Kade. And to be clear, because I want to be very clear about this, it's not because it's queer and poly. I honestly couldn't really buy into any of the paired off combinations either. I felt the Bebe/Mel spark right away, but it fizzled quickly for me and never came back. I feel like there was a lot of telling me the characters were attracted to each other and cared for each other. And if I'm being honest, quite a few times their actions absolutely followed that up. But the depth of believability in their connections - especially the deeper emotional ones, which are personally super important as far as investment in their outcomes - just never clicked for me. Maybe it's because it's told from Mel's perspective, and she's the one that's a little walled off, unsure if she's good enough/can handle the situation, spending all her time questioning, to such an extreme that, when she finally "gives in," as it were, it didn't feel right. Too fast of a switch? Maybe not enough reasoning why? And since she wasn't super impulsive prior, it just felt off. I mean, all her choices prove she's emotionally involved, and wants it all...so I don't know why I didn't feel it when she finally decided with her brain to follow what her heart was already doing. But the plain truth is, I didn't. As a small addition to this, I felt like the socioeconomic differences between Mel and Bebe/Kade were defensively/bitterly brought up in conversations a number of times, but never actually addressed, and in my heart of hearts, I feel like that's going to be a point of stress moving forwards. Oh, and I really felt uncomfortable with the way Mel talked to/thought about Kade's emotions/reactions. It felt a bit close-minded and I know it was likely from her own discomfort, but I was annoyed that Bebe never did much to help ease that for either side and that, while Mel was willing to publicly fight for Kade, she also never really did much to question her own assumptions about them. That felt, not great, to me.

So here we are. The greater framework and story and relationship vibes were exactly what I wanted and I enjoyed the hell out of them. And the title and cover are damn gorgeous. But I didn't vibe with the actual three individuals that were a part of this story and relationship. I wish I felt different. I look forward to reading more (including backlist) from Alexander though - the promise is there!

Content Warnings

Temple Folk by Aaliyah Bilal

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reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

As part of my intermittent and slow-ish roll attempt to read from the Aspen Words Literary Prize longlist every year... I was actually on the waitlist at the library for Temple Folk when the shortlist announcement was made, and it was on it! So I was, of course, that much more excited to pick it up. And let me just say, this is exactly the reason I follow/love this award. First, I would likely never have picked this collection up otherwise (at least in part because I really only do limited short story collections). And second, this is the first time that I have ever read anything about the Nation of Islam - definitely fictionally, but honestly even in nonfiction (other than small amounts in high school history, which is hard to count, really, because I mean, whose perspective on that were we getting? ...not this one, I can assure you) - and I do love that exposure to new topics/populations. Reading is the best!

At risk of repeating myself unnecessarily from review to review, as with all short story collections, I'll give a little of my thoughts to each, and then finish with a little overall blurb of my reactions to the collection as a whole.

Blue - This was really a full character build in such a short space. I always wonder what draws people to religious sects/any cult-like group (I loved reading cultish Cultish for the breadth of discussion on that topic) and this gave a really great, but also approachably "normal," answer to that. I enjoyed the little bonus “twist” at the end for literary intrigue.

New Mexico - Interesting look at the competing/at odds expectations and demands of being Black in America, depending on the environment/who is influencing the expectations. Also, the contradictions of fighting to survive and fit in and pass vs also fighting for pride and success for one’s individuality and culture was a highlight theme here. “He was someone with an essentially good nature, who could be moved by fanciful notions of a glorious past to compel his sense of virtue.” and “... [She] was a passing woman; soldiering for a cursory kind of freedom, wrought in the lie of white superiority we thought they all opposed.”

The Spider - Ohhhh fascinating: this look at the splintering that happens when a movement loses a founder/leader. How each new generation can envision a future with renewed hope and passion, and get caught up in it to an extreme (or, be sold said vision by a charismatic voice), that previous generations have given up on or been disillusioned to or learned from. Yea. This was just a great study of humanity and the ebb and flow of movements through generations.

Candy for Hanif - What a commentary on the contradictory juxtaposition of what religious texts say about helping those who need it and the way followers of the faith follow through on that. Always love when that's pointed out. Also, a great look at the confines of a life and the ways people deal (or not) with that...and what finally pushes them to break from it. “She felt the weight of her soul’s exhaustion…” (pretty much sums up this story, it’s heavy);

Janaza - Getting caught up in a movement and the moorlessness/directionlessness that comes from losing that kind of leader/touchpoint (whether from death or when that someone renegs on the principles you followed them for) was the focus here. Also, honestly, I find end of life rituals across cultures are so interesting, and I wish we had gotten a little more of that here. A solid story, but overall not my favorite.

Woman in Niqab - A short interrogation of the mythology of covering - that it is for the protection of a woman (and no man would unwanted-touch a veiled woman without their consent). If only). Also, the moral assumptions and implications of being veiled or not, literally and figuratively, are discussed, in the context of asking: but what really does that choice have to do with what type of person you actually are? And should that (be allowed to) define how others see you? This was woven into a really lovely coming of age exploration, of boundary setting and identity testing and re-connection with a parent in an adult way. I really liked this one.

Who’s Down - A highlighting of how long Gaza has been in the news for the Exact. Same. Genocide. This is outside the direct context of this story, but as it is salient to the current international reality, let me clearly and openly say at this time: FREE PALESTINE ALREADY. Also, phew, what a look at how the dangers of indoctrination are universal; they know no bounds. More specifically, in a religious/faith context, do we only believe when it’s convenient/easy and stop when we’re sick of the effort? “No loving God, I reckoned, would allow a recounting of his miracles to render some human beings more worthy of home than others.”

Nikkah - Ahhhh the hypocrisy of faith leaders and what their intensity/extremism covers…what a horribly common tale. I mean, this line though: “the stark incoherence of their faith and their actions.” And, in this case, how a child will react and rebel and trial other systems after finding out and becoming fully disillusioned. For that same child, how growing up in that kind of extremity makes one more susceptible to it in other variations, even as one rails against the original experience. Plus, a really interesting look at how, once you leave one place/belief, does it then become easier to abandon the next? Damn. This was a subtle, but strong, hit. “But what we’re not going to do [...] is go to the extreme. When we are extreme with anything - extremely godly, extremely generous - it usually means that something else in life is suffering.” and “…but just because the leader is without morals doesn't mean that morality ceases to matter or that our cause is unworthy.”

Sister Rose - Oh this was short, but tough. The weight of shame that comes with most faith systems cannot be ignored, especially how deep it can cut and how long that can last and how wide it can affect (in this case, and in most cases, women especially). So then, of course, we see the uneven expectations on men vs women - across worlds and religions - and how that suppresses potential and how the attempt to escape it (it being those expectations and shame) can cause one to lose connection(s) and relationships that could have been vital, powerful. Tragic.

Due North - To bring it home, the classic conflict of religion and sexuality (or the false conflict or the internal/self shut down that comes from assumptions due to religious beliefs). You can't really do a collection on a religious group, at least not fully, without this theme. But the way our characters come to terms with that for themselves and loved ones here - it's really done well, so bittersweet. Inner lives are so complex. Oooooof this one broke my heart, and then sibling love patched it. What a final piece. Definitely my favorite of the collection. “And even if they failed and had to go back, they tried to make a difference in their lives - in our lives - by doing something new. That's how you get perspective; it's the venturing out that grows you…”

So, like I said, I have never really read anything about the Nation of Islam before, so I was very interested in these stories from that perspective, as learning and insight into something new-to-me. Bilal really breaks down the complexities of race “loyalty.” The verbosity and the follow-through, what is actually beneficial versus what is superficial and, importantly, who gets to judge. She tackles some of the supportive and wonderful things about strict and close-knit faith-based communities, as well as the negative and constrictive and even dangerous aspects, from internal perspectives. She does mention, clearly, the CIA involvement in suspicious deaths of Black rights leaders/supremacists that is historically purposefully buried by white-controlled history telling/teaching. And she does a beautiful job giving voice and nuance and insight and perspective into this highly judged but minimally known (at least at a larger societal level) population. There is tenderness and humanity in these pages, in all the small moments of life (the ones oft overlooked because they don't register as important enough to remember, even to those experiencing them directly), and the life-changing moments/decisions, and even in the not-so-good moments, which is something that we all want/deserve when our stories are told.

A lovely collection, whose strengths are in the quality of the writing, the subtleness of the power in the stories it tells, and, of course, the discerning gaze into a community that many know very little about.

Content Warnings

Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

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funny reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

I've had this one on my TBR list and bookshelf for years now. I had heard a lot of great things about it, but was struggling to find the right reading mood for it (based on the blurb). High "literary" fiction is something I am always interested in reading in theory, but really struggle to sit down with and really focus on. I appreciate that level of writing, but I know myself well enough to know I wander (mentally) through it. But, I finally worked up enough curiosity and got my hands on a copy of the audiobook from the library. So, boom!

A blurb, per Goodreads: Recently separated Toby Fleishman is suddenly, somehow--and at age forty-one, short as ever--surrounded by women who want him: women who are self-actualized, women who are smart and interesting, women who don't mind his height, women who are eager to take him for a test drive with just the swipe of an app. Toby doesn't mind being used in this way; it's a welcome change from the thirteen years he spent as a married man, the thirteen years of emotional neglect and contempt he's just endured. Anthropologically speaking, it's like nothing he ever experienced before, particularly back in the 1990s, when he first began dating and became used to swimming in the murky waters of rejection. But Toby's new life--liver specialist by day, kids every other weekend, rabid somewhat anonymous sex at night--is interrupted when his ex-wife suddenly disappears. Either on a vision quest or a nervous breakdown, Toby doesn't know--she won't answer his texts or calls. Is Toby's ex just angry, like always? Is she punishing him, yet again, for not being the breadwinner she was? As he desperately searches for her while juggling his job and parenting their two unraveling children, Toby is forced to reckon with the real reasons his marriage fell apart, and to ask if the story he has been telling himself all this time is true.

This novel exceeded my expectations in being exactly what I expected/as advertised. First, this is an extremely smartly written novel. The writing is immaculate and has a literary snark that is both subtle (in how polished it reads) and very, very palpable. It is observational in a voyeuristic way that was fascinating in how it combined vulgarity and that "can't look away" trainwreck vibe with high-brow writing. Honestly, most of this story isn't really very pretty. And in fact, many aspects are downright ugly. But the thing is, that's just the reality of being human. And even though you kind of hate it, you also can't help but see yourself in parts of it, even if the exact details of your individual "ugly" may be different. It's hard to face that kind of insight, though it does make the story hit harder. And Brodesser-Akner delivers it wrapped in a dark humor that isn't *quite* healthy, but makes it easier to look at. Like, Toby and Rachel's stories - both the way they develop together and separately - and the story of the person narrating (Toby's friend Libby), and Toby's friend Seth (and really all the adults featured in this novel), are truly just sad. Reading them is depressing. It's all the things about adulthood and parenthood and getting older and living life that suck, that drag a person down, that you hope you never end up experiencing/being. But also in a strange way, reading it is like a relief, in the way that other people’s problems can be an escape valve. I don't know. It's not upbeat or anything, not by a long shot. But I also never lost sleep over how disheartening these dismal outlooks on life/relationships are. Like I said, voyeuristic.

Let me share some other scattered thoughts I jotted down while reading. I was completely here for the reclamation of sexual activity at an “older” age. I mean, it wasn't portrayed in a particularly healthy way, within the confines of the story/themes, but all types of sexuality should be represented in literature, and it wasn't unsafe, so, great. This was long. And since it was also very much a meanderingly narrated (like the way your more distractible friend tells a story) work, and more character study than plot (by a long shot), it seemed even longer. I was impressed by the writing and how nuanced these characters were, but I still wonder if the same thing could have been achieved in a slightly more succinct way. Thank goodness for the audio. I wasn't sure about the narrative choice for a while. It was unique - mostly third person omniscient, but also occasionally first person. And I was questioning how they knew so much; how Brodesser-Akner would explain that (or if she would). Well, in the end, I felt like it was explained/concluded well enough that I wasn't upset about it. But I am still not sure where I land on liking it outright. I did, however, like that by the end, we got the opposite (Rachel's) perspective of the same events we'd spent all the book hearing about from Toby. That dual POV of the same time/experiences/events, and seeing how different they are, is always a favorite literary style/trope of mine. There is *a lot* of privilege in this book. Not a criticism necessarily, as it’s telling a story of a specific situation and that fits, but it’s very much not recognized by the characters/narrator (as it likely wouldn’t be, IRL), but still just be aware.

Topically, Brodesser-Akner hits on some major themes. Primarily, of course, this is a meditation on longing and desire and relationships and “settling” and the ways they all interact. I love how many of these feelings/interactions made little to no sense, because, at the end of the day, who can help their feelings? They're all very common human emotions and reactions, but still impossible to explain when one wants a reason and so often there isn’t one. Also, the way that one is never all one thing or all another thing or all everything. People and emotions and choices are complicated and seeing all that reflected (accurately) is something I appreciated a lot in this novel. Finally, there are so many astute observations about being a man vs woman, wife vs husband, mother vs father. And, as always, the impossibility of expectations on women (that men cannot understand, even when they too feel like what's expected of them is too much/not what they want, it's still not the same, never the same) is central; the culprit, if you will.

So fascinating character study and of nuanced characters with darkly humorous and incredibly intelligent writing, I'm very glad I finally read this. But I recommend it only under certain moods/circumstances because it won't be for everyone and it certainly isn't particularly easy/light. But like, there’s a lot to unpack and/or discuss. If you’re interested.

“Go with what you want, instead of what you are supposed to want.”

“…when she was working as hard as he was to make their misery seem normal.”

"...what these divorces were all about was a lack of forgiveness: She would not forgive him for not being more impressed by her achievements than inhibited by his own sensitivities; he would not forgive her for being a star that shone so brightly that he couldn't see his own reflection in the mirror anymore. But also, divorce is about forgetfulness - a decision to stop remembering the moment before all the chaos - the moment they fell in love, the moment they knew they were more special together than apart. Marriages live in service to the memory of those moments. Their marriage would not forgive them for getting older, and they would not forgive their marriage for witnessing it."

Content Warnings

Ander and Santi Were Here by Jonny Garza Villa

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emotional hopeful reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

This one ended up on my TBR thanks to a review post on IG that I saw, but I didn't note who posted that review, so I can't give credit where it's due. Anyways, after just recently finishing, and loving/being totally impressed by, We Deserve Monuments, I was in the mood for another emotionally hard-hitting and salient YA novel. And this seemed like the perfect fit.

Ander Martínez has lived in San Antonio, Texas, for their whole life. They even delayed leaving for art school in favor of sticking around for a year to work on local murals and, of course, at their family's taquería. When they and a (super hot) new waiter, Santiago López Alvarado, fall for each other over the summer, everything changes. With Santi's help, Ander starts to understand who they want to be as an artist, while Ander helps Santi start to really make San Antonio feel like home. But the world is not that easy to live in - though why shouldn't it be?! - and when ICE agents come for Santi, Ander realizes how fragile everything they've built together actually is. How can they hold on to love when the country they live in tears them apart? And what options are there for the two that allow for them to follow their dreams *and* make a future together, while not sacrificing the safety/stability they deserve to have?

Oh this novel was beautiful and tragic and *just barely* on the happier side of hopeful. Let me start with some of the lighter things that I loved. First, the narrative voice was fire. It's told from Ander's perspective, and their voice is seriously spot-on, tone-wise, for a smart and snarky adolescent. The way they spoke with everyone around them, from coworkers to family (especially their mom; I was such a fan of her character and voice as well) to, of course, Santi was spectacular. And you know I'm a sucker for great dialogue. And it went past that into incredibly genuine relationships as well. The casual acceptance from parents/family for Ander’s gender (here's to more novels where that is not the primary conflict) was so great. I loved seeing the gender neutral Spanish. The tension/pull between Ander and Santi is top notch, both leading up to and after they get together. Now, I will say, Ander was so much bigger than Santi on the page. And so, partly, I feel like they were much more developed, character-wise, than Santi, who then ended up as more of a support/secondary role, instead of an equal. Now, Ander had a bigger personality IRL, which played into that. And the fact that it was told from Ander's POV probably also increased that impression. But I did want to mention it. Finally, OMG that cover. *star eyes*

As far as the heavier topics, Villa doesn't shy away from addressing them head on. Which: yes to that. The rage and terror of being undocumented, or caring for someone who is undocumented, is portrayed without any softening. As it should be. There is no circumstance where a person should be considered illegal simply by trying to live and remain safe and try for a better future for themselves/loved ones...and we see myriad ways where that is not only the baseline assumption of our country's immigration law/policy, but how unjust and horrific it is in general and in a very individual, very human, way. Ander and Santi are just two young people in love, already a very real challenge for many, and they cannot simply enjoy or experience it without the threat of separation and legal ramification over their heads (we see this mostly in regards to Santi's citizenship, but also, knowing they are in Texas, there's a very real threat due to their queerness as well - that intersectionality that leads to, potentially, no safe spaces is deeply tragic). So yea, that aspect was full of love and hope and tender youthful optimism, but mixed with upsetting and disrupting and horrific realities that this kind of young love (or just, young…or just, people, any people) shouldn’t have to list as part of their struggles/worries. By the end, this part of the story had me bawling my eyes out in all the good and bad ways.

There was also a phenomenal interrogation of art throughout the novel. Ander is struggling with what one is “allowed” to do, to want to do, to idolize and emulate, to represent. As Ander is finding their identity as an artist in general, and a queer Mexican-American artist specifically, and learning to own what they care about because they care about it, for not other reason(s) and regardless of whether they should or not, it's hard, but it's handled with care and nuance. The way Santi helps them with it is beautiful. And what it provides for Santi in turn is equally touching.

If I could say one thing about this novel, it would be this: it is so vibrant and full of freaking LIFE. It presents an important and necessary POV in a style that is the epitome of YA: funny and hopeful and messy/inappropriate (in the most wonderfully inclusive way), even under the shadow of very real threat/danger. This is why youth are the future, you can’t quash that instinctive belief that things will get better. Heartbreaking and spectacular. I saw fireworks while reading this.

“It’s a weird space to be in mentally, aware that I'm really good at something but still so afraid of the future.”

“I hate that sometimes liking that art I do seems like I'm settling for what people expect me to be doing. That they get in my head and make me overanalyze every idea I have and make me ask myself, Is it because I want to paint this, or is it because I'm supposed to only want to paint this?”

“There’s only us, here together in a moment that is both beautiful and frightening, for however long the world wants to give us. And we're going to make the most of it.”

“There are these moments where I can't tell the difference between authenticity and trying to make a point.”

“And with every touch, I am reminded that we are powerful. That our existence is powerful. That we can be both protector and protected. [...] ...we exist. Together. Right here and right now, with each other. ANd no man or government or racist ideology can ruin this. At least, not right now.” (my god it’s so unbelievably tender and, as I believe is the point but is also universal and should never be as easy to ignore as it seems to be, *human*)

“Fuck borders. Fuck some arbitrary lines that colonizers made up on land that doesn't even belong to them. And fuck how those lines have become a way to make people hate each other and fear each other and want to keep each other out and have no guilt about any of it.”

“Because time continues to exist whether we acknowledge it or not.”

“I wish that this wasn’t the world we’re forced to live in.”

Content Warnings

The Score by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Ugh. Yes. This had all the questionable tropes I love, but very especially that overprotective shit that happens before they realize they're in love. I can't help it, I'm gonna swoon a bit for an intense "where is she?!" after being called in as a comfort person. Ooof. Plus, there was a lot of sex in this one, and I was here for all of it. This series (and I'm stopping here cause the next trope is a pregnancy one and that just *does not* do it for me: babies are not swoon-y, fight me) has hit all the points I needed and hoped for. I give it a ringing endorsement, if this is what you are looking for. It's exactly what it is.

Content Warnings

The Mistake by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

And so my emotional distress, escapist, mood reading problematic steam romance binge continues. I'm reading these books in like, a single day/sitting, and they're scratching exactly the questionable itch I want them to.

Content Warnings

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Look, this is not getting anything remotely resembling a "full" review. I was in a weird emotional place, which always translates over to my reading (*big* mood reader here), and when that happens, I turn to steamy, problematic (I could list the issues, but really, you know they're there going in; I'm not defending it, at all, but just...read something else if that's not what you want) romances. It happens. Pretty periodically. (I'm an emotional person.) They're quick and easy reads, page-turners, and I love the drama, the sex, the questionable "big dude/protectiveness" and "I won't give up til I win you over you" vibes, and knowing there's going to be an HEA. It always hits the spot and helps get me through the moods. Thanks for your service this time, Elle Kennedy. #sorrynotsorry

Content Warnings

Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

This was a recent ALC option from Libro.fm that caught my eye first because of the cover (I mean, tell me it doesn't pull your attention). The sci-fi ish sound of the blurb made me feel like it would be worth trying. And then I picked it up much sooner than I normally get around to "newly added to the TBR" books due to a shining review from @bibliomanicured (whose recent joining of bookstagram has shown that our reading vibes are very similar).

Adina is born, in a childbirth experience that almost kills her mother, at the exact moment in 1977 when Voyager 1 was launched into space. Growing up in Philadelphia with her single mother, Adina is an unusually perceptive and, in the parlance of the uncreative, weird, child. The reasons for this become very clear to her, one day, as she starts communicating - by fax - with her extraterrestrial relatives (the ones that sent her to Earth to investigate and decide if it is a viable option for them to live, as their planet is dying). Over the years, as she grows up and makes a life for herself on Earth, she steadily faxes observations about humanity to her "superiors," everything from the griefs to the joys to the this-aspect-of-human-life-makes-absolutely-no-sense moments. When Adina's close friend (one of her only friends), convinces her to compile and share these "dispatches" in the form of a book, Adina finds herself agreeing, and in doing so, opens herself up to finding out, for real, if she is truly as alone as she always thought.

Ok so after the first couple pages, I won't lie, I was skeptical. The writing has a rhythmic poetry style that kind of felt like it was trying hard too hard to be different/avant garde situation. I actually even noted "we’ll see if it finds a naturalness with the story or if it settles into feeling forced throughout." Very quickly, I decided that it settled quite nicely. I got into the flow and found the narrative voice to be the *perfect* fit for Adina's personality and development.

As some very recent comps, I thought this read sort of like a mix of Rouge and Chemistry. The writing was similar in style to Chemistry, a sort of smooth/controlled stream of consciousness of thoughts and observations that are seemingly random (though in this case, primarily astronomically-related), but then come around connected to each other and used to provide unique insight into humanity. With shades of Rouge, there is commentary on the ridiculousness/arbitrariness of beauty and fitting in standards, as well as an ever-present questioning of whether what you are reading is really happening, is metaphorical, and/or is in the narrator's head. In this case, the question is: Is Adina really an alien and communicating with her "superiors" on another planet OR is she neurodiverse in some way OR is Bertino just going for something weird/different for interest? I honestly couldn't say, upon finishing, and I sort of love that.

I liked the way this slightly “outside the norm" perspective really shone a light on so many of the things about humanity that are contradictory, unexplainable, and absurd. Adina's reason for spending her time making and recording these observations, passing them on to her superiors, was a great framework to allow that style of exploration and "research." There is a subtle glorification of the mundanities - anguish, delight, loneliness, anticipation, coming of age (and more) - of everyday life that can only be seen for what they are by a “normal” (unimpressive, will-be-forgotten-by-history) human, and by sending her to Earth as one of those, Adina's superiors made her a character that, for all her extraterrestrial-ness (or, if, in fact, that aspect of the story is not real, her idiosyncrasies), is actually profoundly recognizable and relatable.

I also want to quickly shout out the really cool ace rep! I haven't seen many ace characters represented in legit literary fiction (mostly YA and fantasy novels, like Elatsoe and Kaikeyi). And yes, technically this is sci-fi, but also...to be real, it's literary fiction. Like if you come in expecting traditional sci-fi, I think you'll be at least misled and at most disappointed. Anyhoo, the point I was making is that I was so excited to see Bertino show how much love there is, even without the traditional romantic/sexual love that people think of. Big appreciation for that.

So, to sum up, Beautyland is the “observe and describe all the unique weirdness of humanity by/to aliens” trope, but make it literary. Bertino captures both the softness and the resiliency of humans, and that hard-to-pin-down feeling of being separate even somewhere that you are supposed to (or are trying so hard to) belong. Emotionally evocative through a lens of removal/distance that creates a lovely literary juxtaposition and quite a compelling narrator.

“Sometimes people don’t like when other people seem happy.”

“Pollution is human pressure weighing upon the earth.”

“She doesn’t understand why she always has to be removed in order for her mother to breathe.”

“If she believed the boardwalk t-shirts, a woman was a ball or chain, someone stupid you’re with, someone to lie to so a man can drink beer. If she believed television fathers, women were a constant pain, wanting red roses or a nice dinner out. If she learned how to be a girl from songs, it was worse. If she learned from other girls, worse still.”

“…being physically present in one place while your mind is in another is loneliness.”

“It must be the opposite of homesickness, to return home to find it more beautiful, to return and still feel distance.”

“Her past passions sound tinny when clinking against the jar of time. But they add up to a stack next to her elbow, a growing collection of desire and insight that that might acquire significance if she trusts that it will.”

“…Adina realizes friendships are reincarnations. Everyone reminds her of someone she knew.”

“She and humans share a profound desire: To find other extraterrestrials and feel less alone. Is she alone? Are there others? Where are they? Where are they?”

“The more we live, the more we lose, the more we believe we are lost.”

“Good news at bad times brings no joy.”

“Perhaps she’s never been anything other than lonely. Loneliness is a composite feeling: ironically unable to exist alone. I can contain anger, hunger, fear, jealously. Adina had misidentified it for homesickness for her planet but it also meant restlessness when one is not in the place they long for.”

“Language is pitiable when weighed against experience. My deepest loves and sadnesses fell outside the realm of articulation and never reached the fax machine.”

Content Warnings

The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride

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challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This has made like, every single list of "best books" recently. But most importantly, for me, it was on the Aspen Words longlist for 2024. And while I am not necessarily trying to full-read the whole list this year, I am still using it as a guide for books that I'm thinking about trying. And so, onto the extremely long waitlist I went.

Here's what Goodreads has to say, blurb-wise: "In 1972, when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development, the last thing they expected to find was a skeleton at the bottom of a well. Who the skeleton was and how it got there were two of the long-held secrets kept by the residents of Chicken Hill, the dilapidated neighbourhood where, decades prior, immigrant Jews and African Americans lived side by side and shared ambitions and sorrows."

This is my first novel by McBride. And let me just start by saying, before I get into anything else, what a master of bringing people and places to life he is! The setting - time period, location, population - is brought to *life* in these pages. And these characters are all so individual, so *real* in that uniqueness. That was an unexpected highlight in a couple ways. First, because it was just so good. And the audiobook narrator did an equally phenomenal job bringing it all even further to life with his narration. And second, because, if I am being honest, the blurb makes this seem very much like a tense, covering up secrets, murder mystery style novel. And yes, there is a murder and there are secrets and there is definitely tension. But all of it is very much not presented in a typical mystery-thriller way. It's like the murder and the corpse in the well are merely a convenient excuse to introduce us, the readers, to Chicken Hill and the characters that live there. It was almost incidental to the entire novel. I mean, you do find out who the corpse is, and how it got there, and all the details around it are cleared up. And yet, those details were like a sidebar to the main event - again, the place and people - and I found I honestly wouldn't have cared if it wasn't cleared up. This is both a positive and a negative, in my opinion. I mean I was so invested in the characters that learning about their inner thoughts and daily lives and interactions was enough: great writing. But then the plot itself never took off enough to hold up or hold my interest: less ideal.

To continue to focus on the positives... The meandering sense of storytelling is, stylistically, like if someone you knew was talking to you and telling a tale. It's so easy to listen to, and you get caught up in side stories and extra bonus character descriptions and all the other added color along the way. This also allowed for some gorgeous highlighting of so many hidden/less-explored communities of history explored: the breadth of Jewish immigrant culture, northern Black America, state run mental “hospitals,” historical treatment of/for people with a variety of disabilities, and more. The intra-cultural nuances are particularly great. Groups that normally get flattened out by media and “outsiders” - Black people, Jewish people, people with disabilities, intersections/overlap therein - are given full range and depth to be individual within their greater descriptors/communities. And the feelings and alliances of these smaller intra-groups for/amongst each other is fascinating. Just, the vibrancy McBride presents is stunning.

Thematically, other than all the cultural aspects already touched on, and, of course, the murder (side) storyline, the major representations are of the racism inherent to this country. And really it's upsetting to see how little rhetoric has changed in the years between the early/mid 1900s and now. Seriously. The rhetoric of America “going downhill,” with its best days behind it, was as alive then as it is now. Just, call a spade a spade...you're racist. Pure and simple. And in many instances in this novel, as well present day, misogynist and ableist. Then there's the hypocrisy of those bragging about being Mayflower descendants (so, bragging about being an immigrant) complaining about new arrivals (also immigrants) taking their land/jobs/money and being uncultured. Like, it boggles. And then, it doesn't, because it's so damn familiar. The greater resignation to that being the landscape of the nation is rendered so well. As is the life-giving support of the connection and community amongst those who are on the outside of the white power structure. It's a lot of process in the way that the nuances and complexities of everyday life always are. To finish, let me just tip my hat to the hope that lives in the ending. I do love poetic justice. It's so damn satisfying, even if, of course, it doesn't happen as often IRL as one might want. Here's to fiction, for granting us that satisfaction.

So, yea, there is a murder here. But this is mostly just a story of people and the importance of community as family, in the way it sustains us all, our lives and our spirits. It wasn't what I expected, so that may affect some of my (or other reader's) reactions. But even still, the life in these pages was palpable and I can do nothing but respect that.

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1500 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1500 reviews