Okay okay okay, so when I first started this book I’ll be honest, I really didn’t love Alex as a character. He felt shallow and unsympathetic and a bit full of himself. Henry on the other hand, I really enjoyed reading about from the beginning as you just know there is more to him under the surface. Thankfully, Alex really did grow as a character and wasn’t the same guy in his head about fake news stories.. (which I mean I kinda loved the parallel of him not caring and making fun of the stories to then caring entirely for other reasons when they mattered and showed the truth. I just really loved that character growth and story shift.)

After I got past the 50 page mark though, I knew, I KNEW, I was gonna eat, breathe, and sleep this book until I’d finished it, which is precisely what I did. I mean ugh?! That first kiss?! And then the second one with HAMILTON right there?! And then the many many manyyyy beautiful, raw, and tenderly passionate scenes to follow that make my heart flutter for these two!? And then them at the lake house and Henry bolting and like them actually realizing this is real and raw and they love one another. Like my HEARTTTT?!!!!???!! 

It was all so beautiful to watch these two not only comes from different sexualities and sexual experiences and life experience, which was great to explore and it not just be like, oh wow, I guess I’m gay/bi now! Like it was honest in how that all unfolded and how Henry had already explored that part of himself but still allowed Alex to come to terms with it himself. I just loved that!

I also loved beyond the love story how both characters really lifted each other up, but also went on their own individual journeys with their respective families, what honor and love and duty really meant to them both, what dreams they wanted and how those dreams could change. They both learned courage and to be real and honest, and how they wanted to be not only with one another but to the world for each other and to free themselves. It was truly beautiful to watch unfold! 

Also beyond the love story, having read this now for the first time in 2021, it does make me laugh at how different things have gone for us all with 2020. I would read an email and the date and be like, wow this was when so and so was happening and you all had no idea there was a pandemic! (Also, can we talk about how beautiful those emails were?!!?! Like I’d be so sad to find out my person emails to the one I loved been taken from me and made public even if it want also a huge scandal. I’d be so upset about just that loss of privacy. A photo of a kiss is one thing, the emails were another.) Plus, as an American myself and having been through the trauma of the 2016 election, it was, even if imperfect, so wonderful to see what a different parallel universe might look like for us. Thankfully the 2020 election was, if still not perfect, a huge win, and I really could understand and connect with the celebration at the end.

So yes, I’m so incredibly sad to put this book to rest for at least a year before I’m sure to be re-reading it, but I am so truly happy it exists, thank you Casey!


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Update! So I’ve just finished reading this book now a year since the last time and it definitely hit different?? Like, I thought I was going to fall as deeply and fully as I did the first time with their story, but I think I remembered too much. I also didn’t devour it in a day like last time but rather in a week, which gave me more time to really sit with the story and see it’s flaws a bit more. 

Not that that there are a ton, or really even that they are flaws, just that I’ve grown in a year as a reader, a person, in a pandemic, and with a whole new game on state politics for the lgbtqia+ community and human rights to dive into. This books feels like a chapter in my story, but that story is evolving now. 

I’d give this book a 4.25/5 this time around, but honestly I just think that is because you can never get that first read through experience back. Enjoyed it still so much though! Especially the second half! 🌈✨