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A review by saarahnina
The Course of Love by Alain de Botton
4.0
Alain de Botton has mastered the art of Romance
This is the book that should be gifted to all newly weds. It reads like a Bible! Not quite so difficult, though. Alain de Botton offers inspiring guidance that will prove sufficient in helping one survive any life-committed relationship. But he doesn't write in a way that piles and burdens us with buckets of wisdom and advice...Instead he takes a more subtle approach, less accusing, he creates a fictional couple: Kristen and Rabih who experience life together and then officially get married, have children and live life as we know it. He highlights the instances when their relationship becomes bumpy, and how they each react, their character flaws (and strengths) and then how they should have reacted. The latter of which is his way of sharing the advice.
The book helps us reflect on our own relations with the people we love, not necessarily just romantic love. De Botton has a talent for describing mundane things in a story-like manner, and in a manner to inspire questions which come as realisations. I don't think I have ever read a book where I know so much about the characters: from their careers to their unique habits, their annoying antics. I don't even think I know a real person quite that well!
There were instances in which I was taken aback by the advice he shared- in a short dialogue, he delivered a way to solve the issues of mis-communication in a marriage, how to stop blaming your significant other for the problems in your life, how to cope after a recent heated argument.
I read this book from an objective perspective- being unmarried myself, my words on this book are not biased but I can't say whether the book works. What I can say is that his words are logical- they are reasonable and I know for one thing, when we are in a heated argument with absolutely anyone, logic and reason escape us (most of us, most of the time). So, The Course of Love provides us with theoretical guidance that we can adapt in a practical situation. When we can't think for ourselves, we need someone to tell us what to do, so why not listen to Alain de Botton?
I have no doubt that de Botton would make an excellent marriage counsellor- or even a partner. I recently read an article of his in the Guardian's opinion column (Why work is much easier than love)- and at the time, his name didn’t ring a bell (I actually disagreed with him and said so in the comments!) But now I'm at awe with his work. This is definitely a book I will happily consult when I'm frustrated with someone!
Though I found that the logic in de Botton's work was not always consistent: he reference Freudian concepts, particularly Oedipus and Electra Complexes. I I have never been able to see make sense of Freud's work. This tied in with de Botton's description of seeing your partner as your own parent was also confusing, creepy, and down-right uncomfortable. I'm not refuting the truth of it (I'm actually quite unsure of whether there is truth to it), just that it was a bit much. I have studied Sigmund Freud myself, and whilst his conclusions seem obscure- I know that there's evidence for the claims he makes regarding romantic love. But the Oedipus Complex still puzzles me- and this somewhat put me off the book slightly. This doesn't at all distract from the other content in the book, but nonetheless it does bring my rating to four stars.
I want to give you a glimpse of what you're in for, with this book. This is an example of a passage that for reasons unknown to me, I especially liked: Alain writes:
"To be mature is, we’re told, to move beyond possessiveness. Jealousy is for babies. The mature person knows that no one owns anyone. It’s what wise people have taught us since our earliest days. Let Jack play with your fire engine: it won’t stop being yours if he has a turn. Stop throwing yourself on the floor and thumbing your small clenched fists on the carpet in rage. Your little sister may be Daddy’s darling, but you’re Daddy’s darling too. Love isn’t like a cake: if you give love to one person, it doesn’t mean there is less for anyone else. Love just keeps growing every time there’s a new baby in the family."
It is when you apply this to a romantic, intimate relationship that you question the validity of his words- what an interesting topic of conversation. Such words are dangerous in challenging monogamy.
I received this book through NetGalley.
This is the book that should be gifted to all newly weds. It reads like a Bible! Not quite so difficult, though. Alain de Botton offers inspiring guidance that will prove sufficient in helping one survive any life-committed relationship. But he doesn't write in a way that piles and burdens us with buckets of wisdom and advice...Instead he takes a more subtle approach, less accusing, he creates a fictional couple: Kristen and Rabih who experience life together and then officially get married, have children and live life as we know it. He highlights the instances when their relationship becomes bumpy, and how they each react, their character flaws (and strengths) and then how they should have reacted. The latter of which is his way of sharing the advice.
The book helps us reflect on our own relations with the people we love, not necessarily just romantic love. De Botton has a talent for describing mundane things in a story-like manner, and in a manner to inspire questions which come as realisations. I don't think I have ever read a book where I know so much about the characters: from their careers to their unique habits, their annoying antics. I don't even think I know a real person quite that well!
There were instances in which I was taken aback by the advice he shared- in a short dialogue, he delivered a way to solve the issues of mis-communication in a marriage, how to stop blaming your significant other for the problems in your life, how to cope after a recent heated argument.
I read this book from an objective perspective- being unmarried myself, my words on this book are not biased but I can't say whether the book works. What I can say is that his words are logical- they are reasonable and I know for one thing, when we are in a heated argument with absolutely anyone, logic and reason escape us (most of us, most of the time). So, The Course of Love provides us with theoretical guidance that we can adapt in a practical situation. When we can't think for ourselves, we need someone to tell us what to do, so why not listen to Alain de Botton?
I have no doubt that de Botton would make an excellent marriage counsellor- or even a partner. I recently read an article of his in the Guardian's opinion column (Why work is much easier than love)- and at the time, his name didn’t ring a bell (I actually disagreed with him and said so in the comments!) But now I'm at awe with his work. This is definitely a book I will happily consult when I'm frustrated with someone!
Though I found that the logic in de Botton's work was not always consistent: he reference Freudian concepts, particularly Oedipus and Electra Complexes. I I have never been able to see make sense of Freud's work. This tied in with de Botton's description of seeing your partner as your own parent was also confusing, creepy, and down-right uncomfortable. I'm not refuting the truth of it (I'm actually quite unsure of whether there is truth to it), just that it was a bit much. I have studied Sigmund Freud myself, and whilst his conclusions seem obscure- I know that there's evidence for the claims he makes regarding romantic love. But the Oedipus Complex still puzzles me- and this somewhat put me off the book slightly. This doesn't at all distract from the other content in the book, but nonetheless it does bring my rating to four stars.
I want to give you a glimpse of what you're in for, with this book. This is an example of a passage that for reasons unknown to me, I especially liked: Alain writes:
"To be mature is, we’re told, to move beyond possessiveness. Jealousy is for babies. The mature person knows that no one owns anyone. It’s what wise people have taught us since our earliest days. Let Jack play with your fire engine: it won’t stop being yours if he has a turn. Stop throwing yourself on the floor and thumbing your small clenched fists on the carpet in rage. Your little sister may be Daddy’s darling, but you’re Daddy’s darling too. Love isn’t like a cake: if you give love to one person, it doesn’t mean there is less for anyone else. Love just keeps growing every time there’s a new baby in the family."
It is when you apply this to a romantic, intimate relationship that you question the validity of his words- what an interesting topic of conversation. Such words are dangerous in challenging monogamy.
I received this book through NetGalley.