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A review by toggle_fow
Embracing Uncomfortable: Facing Our Fears While Pursuing Our Purpose by Deborah E Gorton
3.0
This book had some decent things to say.
Its thesis is that most people have values and an identity that encompass great, important things like "family" and "community" and "kindness," but that throughout our daily lives most people find themselves acting in ways that are inconsistent with those values. (Neglecting relationships, making choices based on fear of what others will think, snapping at spouse or children.) In the moment, the choice that is instinctively comfortable will not make us comfortable in the long term.
Continuously choosing short-term validation (overeating for comfort, overbooking yourself) will only lead to increasing dissatisfaction and trouble in the long term, as we stray further and further from what our actual values (a healthy lifestyle, doing your best at every task you undertake) might be. The author advocates "Embracing Uncomfortable" and making the hard choices in the short term, to give yourself a long-term existence that is more peaceful and authentic.
This book is written by someone who is a Christian, though it took me several suspicious chapters to find actual proof of that, but in a broad enough way to encompass people of any (or no) faith. I was just kind of relieved that it wasn't based on Zen.
Aside from that, the author is one of the "type-A, always overbooked, struggles to say 'no' to anything" sort of people who often seem to write self-help books. This is not me at all. My favorite word is "no." So that's always a little interesting; I always have to apply everything the author says by reflecting it into the mirror of my mind's eye and understanding it backwards. She also uses the words authenticity and community ALL. THE. TIME. which is always a red flag. (Take meditative walks in the city!! Leave the door of your inner city apartment open to foster community feeling!!!)
Despite this, she has some big points. The primary strategies offered were:
These were all right, but I found her overall truths to be more helpful than the strategies.
Her points about having to "accept that fear will always be a part of your life" and "picture what moving forward in spite of your fear would look like" were call outs specifically to me. And, of course, her central point that mindless instinct seeks comfort like water flowing downhill, and leads away from the real goals we are trying to achieve. There was a lot in here that I took to apply to my constant battle with eating healthy, but anyone with an uncontrolled behavior that they want to change, but haven't been able to yet, would likely benefit from the clarity laid out in this book.
Its thesis is that most people have values and an identity that encompass great, important things like "family" and "community" and "kindness," but that throughout our daily lives most people find themselves acting in ways that are inconsistent with those values. (Neglecting relationships, making choices based on fear of what others will think, snapping at spouse or children.) In the moment, the choice that is instinctively comfortable will not make us comfortable in the long term.
Continuously choosing short-term validation (overeating for comfort, overbooking yourself) will only lead to increasing dissatisfaction and trouble in the long term, as we stray further and further from what our actual values (a healthy lifestyle, doing your best at every task you undertake) might be. The author advocates "Embracing Uncomfortable" and making the hard choices in the short term, to give yourself a long-term existence that is more peaceful and authentic.
This book is written by someone who is a Christian, though it took me several suspicious chapters to find actual proof of that, but in a broad enough way to encompass people of any (or no) faith. I was just kind of relieved that it wasn't based on Zen.
Aside from that, the author is one of the "type-A, always overbooked, struggles to say 'no' to anything" sort of people who often seem to write self-help books. This is not me at all. My favorite word is "no." So that's always a little interesting; I always have to apply everything the author says by reflecting it into the mirror of my mind's eye and understanding it backwards. She also uses the words authenticity and community ALL. THE. TIME. which is always a red flag. (Take meditative walks in the city!! Leave the door of your inner city apartment open to foster community feeling!!!)
Despite this, she has some big points. The primary strategies offered were:
• KNOWING YOUR VALUES AND KEEPING THEM OFTEN BEFORE YOU (A few chapters on the process of discovering your own values. Can't be true to them if you don't know what they are.)
• PAUSING (Taking "intentional" time to pause and reset yourself, making sure that you're not letting the power of instinct take you off the path you want to be on and towards corner-cutting short-term comfort. AKA meditation? AKA mindfulness?)
• RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (The process of accepting instead of fighting tooth and nail with your own emotions and circumstances, the first step in being able to make changes.)
These were all right, but I found her overall truths to be more helpful than the strategies.
Her points about having to "accept that fear will always be a part of your life" and "picture what moving forward in spite of your fear would look like" were call outs specifically to me. And, of course, her central point that mindless instinct seeks comfort like water flowing downhill, and leads away from the real goals we are trying to achieve. There was a lot in here that I took to apply to my constant battle with eating healthy, but anyone with an uncontrolled behavior that they want to change, but haven't been able to yet, would likely benefit from the clarity laid out in this book.