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A review by namorgan
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
"Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?” I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide-open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
I wasn't expecting to read this all in one sitting, but before I knew it I was completely engrossed in the story. My Dark Vanessa is about Vanessa Wye who, at fifteen, is groomed by her forty-two year old english teacher, Mr. Strane, and is still dealing with the effects of that abuse years later. Reading the story through Vanessa's eyes felt like such an unflinchingly realistic portrayal of how abuse shapes your view of the world and, in turn, of yourself.
Vanessa isn't what I would call a "likable" character. In her adulthood, she's in denial about being abused and still looks back at what she went through as a tragic, forbidden love story. At times it can be frustrating to read how close she is to seeing the truth of the situation and yet, mentally still so far away. When other former students of the same teacher begin to come forward with their own stories of abuse, her first reaction is to claim that they are exaggerating and couldn't possibly have been abused by the same man who "loved" her at fifteen.
I appreciate Vanessa's point of view because it shows how abuse can impact your brain at such a young age and if you've been so thoroughly gaslight all your life it only becomes natural when you begin to gaslight yourself. There were other aspects of Vanessa's character that I felt really showed that the author knew a lot about cptsd. I often feel like the more "disturbing" aspects of mental illness are glossed over in media, so seeing them represented in Vanessa really stood out to me. I liked that even years later, Vanessa is still just as confused about her relationship with Strane as she was at fifteen; showing how long these things can stay with you and how abuse is often not as clear cut or obvious as it may seem.
Honestly, even though there were parts that left me feeling sick in my stomach, it was a good read.
Five stars, would recommend when you're in a good space to pick this up.
I wasn't expecting to read this all in one sitting, but before I knew it I was completely engrossed in the story. My Dark Vanessa is about Vanessa Wye who, at fifteen, is groomed by her forty-two year old english teacher, Mr. Strane, and is still dealing with the effects of that abuse years later. Reading the story through Vanessa's eyes felt like such an unflinchingly realistic portrayal of how abuse shapes your view of the world and, in turn, of yourself.
Vanessa isn't what I would call a "likable" character. In her adulthood, she's in denial about being abused and still looks back at what she went through as a tragic, forbidden love story. At times it can be frustrating to read how close she is to seeing the truth of the situation and yet, mentally still so far away. When other former students of the same teacher begin to come forward with their own stories of abuse, her first reaction is to claim that they are exaggerating and couldn't possibly have been abused by the same man who "loved" her at fifteen.
I appreciate Vanessa's point of view because it shows how abuse can impact your brain at such a young age and if you've been so thoroughly gaslight all your life it only becomes natural when you begin to gaslight yourself. There were other aspects of Vanessa's character that I felt really showed that the author knew a lot about cptsd. I often feel like the more "disturbing" aspects of mental illness are glossed over in media, so seeing them represented in Vanessa really stood out to me. I liked that even years later, Vanessa is still just as confused about her relationship with Strane as she was at fifteen; showing how long these things can stay with you and how abuse is often not as clear cut or obvious as it may seem.
Honestly, even though there were parts that left me feeling sick in my stomach, it was a good read.
Five stars, would recommend when you're in a good space to pick this up.