HOW DO YOU WRITE A REVIEW OF A BOOK THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH IT MAKES YOUR HEART WARM AND IT RESTORED YOUR FAITH IN YA AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD IN THE WORLD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT AND FLOWERS BLOOM AND BIRDS FLOAT AROUND YOUR HEAD AND SING OR TWEET OR WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO.

https://emmareadstoomuch.wordpress.com/2017/10/03/blue-lily-lily-blue-review-my-identity-wasnt-stolen-i-promise/

No, seriously, please tell me how. Because I read this book a month ago and I got nothin.

I suppose I will begin with what I know to be true, and what I know to be true is that Richard Gansey III is my husband. I have said this now in three (3) consecutive reviews of each of the three (3) books in this series I have read, and yet it only grows to be more true. Because he only gets better. (What does it say about me that I'm now one hundred percent convinced I just jinxed myself and will hate him by the next book? In other words what is wrong with me. This is a cry for help.)

I love Gansey. It’s an all-consuming love. It’s above analysis, so I can’t even tell you why I do. But I do. And I’m claiming him. He is THE book boyfriend for me now. (Goodbye, Étienne St. Clair from Anna and the French Kiss. It’s been a good three years, but I’ve grown. I've matured. I’ve moved on. And also, you’re short, and that’s just never been a viable option for me.)

Excluding Gansey (because I could talk about my love for that elegant man-boy for pages and nobody wants that)...things tend a lot more toward the "eh" end of the spectrum. As in, Ronan is still incredibly blah. Who caaaaaares. We get it. You're edgy. You can stop now. Also, Adam, still sooooooo eh. But I willllll say...a certain relationship begins to blossom and bloom and beautifully pop up from the soil...and that shindig is not eh at all. (Insert the smolder emoji here.)

But, quelle surprise, nothing is perfect because nothing is ever good or easy, and there is a relationship that is so incredibly eh it's almost like it's too eh for the world eh. Like, they tried to put a picture of this relationship in the dictionary next to the word eh, but they were like one, this is a fictional couple so that's impossible, two, is the word eh even in the dictionary, and three, THIS IS TOO EH EVEN FOR THIS.

That's the dictionary people, angrily shouting NEXT, as in "next person proposing an image to be added next to a definition." I bet you didn't consider how much time dealing with those queries takes for the employees of dictionaries.

ANYWAY. That horribly boring and blah relationship is...sigh...Blue and Gansey. That pairing can die, really. Brutally. That budding duo can get run over by a steamroller and come out all Flat Stanley'd and non-viable on the other side. Also, to clarify, I mean the relationship itself can die. I would never endorse the murder of Gansey.

ANYWAY AGAIN. When did Blue/Gansey happen? One second they're just a pair of pals and the next second they are SMASHING their FACES together PRETENDING they're KISSING. Horrible! Gross! For so many reasons! On so many levels!

Also, I am not saying this due to any repressed jealousy. That would be insane. And while I may be at a level of insanity that I would call dibs on the hand in marriage of a fictional character, I am not yet at a level of insanity wherein I am jealous of the fictional beaux of that fictional character. That would be, in case anyone is wondering just when this whole thing will officially have gone too far, the moment when help should be contacted.

But back to the characters. I literally did not even finish that section. God help me. ANYWAY. Blue is pretty cool in this book, because she always is. Noah is still my small spooky son, and I love him and he should’ve been in this book more, but that’s just because he should be in everything. In order for me to attain true happiness I need to reach a point where Noah is popping up even in content not created by Maggie Stiefvater. He’s a goddamn prince and he deserves it.

The Gray Man sticks around for this book, which is a thrill because I love him. (I do not know why this is true, because his literal defining characteristic is that he is gray, but I love him anyway.) AND PLUS, NEW PEOPLE COME. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY'RE ALSO GREAT.

Piper is a queen. A literal queen, because I am crowning her queen of all villains. This is legitimate and legal in the eyes of the law, because I crowned myself ruler of all books.

Piper's husband what's his name is also pretty sick. Which is really surprising, because one, male villains are so boring, and two, Evil Teacher Guy has also been done. Like, within this very series. Two books ago.

Hahahahaha oh my god. Whoa. I almost forgot about that horrendous bore. What a snoozefest that guy was. The improvement to this series just by this book alone is WILD my friends. WILD.

But there are even more new people! These include:
- a woman who is cool (both the least spoilery AND least interesting way I could possibly put that)
- a guy named Jesse who is pretty cute and lovable

Maggie Stiefvater can really crank out characters I care about. (A feat matched by, guess what, literally no other authors. I am semi-incapable of even fictional love and affection.)

The setting remains sick, because it always has been. The magic is even amazing-er than ever. (How does it keep getting better?!)

This book is just...a more action-packed version of the other two. More of the stuff ya like, less of the same filler sh*t from the first two. You know. Less “Adam is poor and insecure about it, Blue eats yogurt and let’s talk more about the whole amplifier thing, Ronan is angsty, Gansey chews a mint leaf and plays with toys and has a journal and is somehow very rich throughout, Ronan is angsty, Noah is blurry and also, oh yeah,

Spoiler

dead

, and of course, Ronan, in case you forgot, is extraordinarily, next-level angsty.”

Seriously, that's a spot on encapsulation of the first two books. I am honestly proud of myself. You could definitely just skip the first two books and cut to what matters based on that paragraph alone. (Please don't do that.)

I'm quite pleased I didn't give The Raven Boys or The Dream Thieves five stars, because this sh*t is on a whole other level baby. They aren't even in the same REALM OF EXISTENCE. If those two are books this one straight up has to be called something else. We have to make up a new word based on how much better this one is than those garbage monsters.

Ugh! I am filled with love. And also excitement. And also immense fear and trepidation and regret because oh my god the next one just cannot be as good there is no way it's impossible life is just an endless feast of disappointment with countless courses of sadness casserole, which is also known as just "casserole."

Um.

Just realized I'm not going to ever ever read the last book.

Bottom line: WHATEVER LITERALLY JUST READ THE SERIES FOR THIS BOOK IT IS LIFE-CHANGING AND I KNOW I DID A BAD JOB OF EXPLAINING HOW GREAT IT IS BUT JUST TRUST ME, OK? I'm not used to five star reviews.

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PRE-REVIEW

my skin is clear. my bank account is full. my bookshelves aren't messy and my crops survived the winter.

ok well none of that is true BUT THIS BOOK CHANGED MY STUPID LIFE!!!!!!

review to come once i resurrect my laptop (even my keyboard died of shock at a five star rating)

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CURRENTLY-READING UPDATE

ho

ly

shit.

IS THIS GOING TO BE A FIVE STAR READ?????????