I was recommended this after having mixed feelings about Ubik. I'm not sure I was more into it, but it's definitely more *interesting*, which is good. The pulp storyline there is completely dropped - this is a (semi?)-autobiographical voyage through him trying to understand the universe and the meaning of reality. A lot of stuff happens but it's unclear if any of it is even close to what's "real". It feels much more honest about this than the other novels he's written where it often feels less clever and more like a cheap twist. Here it feels like there's an admission thinking about this stuff is basically impossible, even with revelations - the world may be illusion of some kind but it still clearly *is* for us at the moment.

The big thing that probably put me off from the start is that 3 women characters are introduced in the first 1/3 or so, and they're all basically evil. The woman right at the start, looking for a way to kill herself? She's not just hit rock bottom, she's deeply evil and trying to bring everyone else down with her. The MC's wife? She only sought a divorce because she believed it would kill the MC. The woman waiting, knowing she'll soon die from a return of cancer which almost wiped her out first time? She hates everyone who's nice to her because she wants to be miserable and wanted the cancer to come back. It's really really noticeable. It's sort of understandable in terms of the book's "philosophy" to have a character like that. Having 3 and they're all women? Eesh. Like, this is both a narrative issue and clearly an issue he had IRL, that he did not like women, despite marrying 5 times. It's uncomfortable as hell! Especially when it's used to teach the "lesson" that the MC/Dick "needs to stop helping people" because he loves doing it and he's too kind lmao. It's lesser, but there's also a weird lack of sympathy for drug users, especially given he was one for a long time AFAIK (even in narrative!)

I think that genuinely made me feel a lot less inclined to try to get to grips with the weird, shifting, complex account of gnosis here. It is kind of fascinating. What parts are played by three eyed aliens, an eternal satellite, a reincarnation of Jesus/the Buddha/Zoroaster, immortal Christians from Jesus's time, a thought transmission device from the Soviets? Even to the end we don't really know. The likelihood of each constantly shifts. There's a sort of logic and cohesion to it, even if the shifts follow a logic that's not rational exactly (although of course what's rational in an irrational world? If a delusional person tries to rationalise their delusions that's treated as proof they're irrational). It's hard to believe that 3 people would have their entire worldview shifted as the result of watching a strange sci-fi film, but there is some logic when they read into it symbols they'd already seen elsewhere. There's a strange mix of the banal and the epiphany. The divine can be discovered in clay pots and drive in B-movies. Maybe ultimately the search is more important than the destination, the openness to the out of the ordinary, accepting it and letting it drive you even if it appears strange and delusional to others. Maybe you need to be more grounded, even if you always remain waiting for something more. The book doesn't feel certain at the end. It goes through a lot of stuff that's strange but ultimately accepts that right now we don't know. But he's certain there's something more, at least.

Ultimately a book with a lot of interesting stuff, even if the philosophy is a bit difficult to sit through sometimes. Just found things like the treatment of women enough to throw me off.