playlist based on midnights with you by clare osongco

clare's writing shines when it comes to writing about the filipinx diaspora and that experience, but publishers love a good YA romance, so can i really blame her? no. but that's why i'm sad about it all.

i need to have a conversation with rebecca kuss, your editor.

DISCLAIMER: i am just a girl! and this is just an opinion!! i am so happy for clare osongco for being a published author.

real rating: 3.75, rounded up

what i feel for this book is how i feel about deedee's mother. i am upset at her flaws (and there are big flaws), but how upset can i be when there are peeks at something deeper and more meaningful?

at first, i thought that i'd have preferred to read about her mom's life and all that happened. until i realized that deedee basically is living her mom's life. getting blamed for the death of a parent and having a rocky relationship with her own identities. i think that this book just overall makes me disappointed because there are hints at something more, something better. but it gets bogged down by the pacing and the random wattpad-esque writing. and it's not like all of the writing is bad - a lot of it is really good (mainly the aspects not having to do with the romance). but the fact that the book revolves around jay and deedee's relationship imo feels like a hinderance to the actual good parts of the book.

Spoiler

the conversation between candace and deedee otw to suzy's house for prom? that was great. chapter 52 really emphasizes this for me - the conversation between andoy and deedee just hits so good and i wish i wish. everything past chapter 51 is a damn near 4.5 star rating. it really is the early romance and writing style at the beginning of the book that brings my rating down. but truly if you can get past it, it does get better.

more specific thoughts:

thoughts on deedee's mom: it hurts to read because it's so real. the way her mom hurts her but not "enough" for outsiders to consider it abuse or to consider it something bad. there are more thoughts in my head but they won't come out. but iykyk

this one is actually very upsetting to me:

Spoiler

why am i reading that deedee and jay had sex right after she tells him about her trauma with thinking that she is the literal reason that her father died?? i know some of you might say "well they're teenagers ofc they're stupid." but no. there were sm moments in this book where i wanted to scream from frustration but this takes the cake.

i genuinely am glad they broke up at the end of highschool, and i am glad that they grew and changed and didn’t jump right back into a relationship. this definitely bumps up my rating, but again it’s just like… why are all the good things i like…. in the last 10% of the book

why are deedee and jay laughing and giggling and chuckling every 5 sentences. do we not know any other dialogue tags? did i miss the memo that teens laugh at every thing another person says? it gets better after chapter 13-- a lot of the writing style does-- but like the one time i would understand a chuckle dialogue tag is the one time that clare doesn't use it:

I clear my throat. “So are we going to drift? Do some donuts?”
“Are you going to buy me new tires?” Jay clicks on the overhead light.

there are so many miscommunications between them, so many missed opportunities for them to just TALK. but it feels real to the teenage experience so i'll overlook it. if i just pretend like my frontal lobe is less developed, then i can get through the book easier.

every time i think they're going to blow up at each other because the other person pressed a button they didn't know existed. and every time i'm wrong. for some reason they always just pivot the conversation to something else, and it rarely ever feels organic. when jay DOES finally blow up and explode all over the place, it's a hard read.







quotes that tickle my heart

~“I’ll give you some advice, okay? Listen close.” She grips the doorframe, leaning in toward me. “Never have kids. They ruin your life.”

~“Okay,” he says, tucking the two pictures into the pocket of his jacket, over his heart. “They can live next to each other.”

~“It’s obvious they actually like each other. Things might get bad sometimes, but there’s this warmth there, strange to me. So unbearably cozy with them around the table, I want to crawl out of my skin.”

~“You can’t be depressed, Deedee, that’s for white people who don’t know how good they have it!” She sounds like she’s at her wit’s end. “Get up! How dare you be depressed, with everything you have, honestly! It’s selfish to indulge in your emotions like this!”

~“You have to forget about history to live comfortably in this country.”
That’s all she’s ever wanted, isn’t it? To live comfortably.
“Your people fought us, killed hundreds of thousands of us. Tried out waterboarding on us. Dominated us. Made us think we should be like you. Propped up a dictator who terrorized us. Now you can’t even find us on a map.”

~“I think when you’re younger, and you’re hurting from other things, being in a relationship can feel like…a solution. But it can open up a whole new world of problems, you know?”