don’t have words. the narrator is so aware of everything and so paralyzed by it all— he wants to intellectualize his way out of his emotions and desires and by doing that he creates a spectacular out of control farce. But at the center of it all, he’s just scared and lonely. he’s afraid of being witnessed but he so desires it. what a pack of lies. fire read though— real interesting treatise on suffering and the role of “civilization” to perpetuate it.