“Why did the promise of America the beautiful, America the land of liberty, and America the shining city upon a hill ring false to me? Why didn’t I trust cops? Why did I have no faith in the justice system?...Why did I feel hunted in my homeland? Because my government means to kill me. Amen! Amen and glory hallelujah! At last, I could explain the force shaping my existence”

This is such a unique experience of a book. From the way fact and fiction are interwoven, the footnotes, and the chapters each representing a life lesson, I had to double-check after reading the first couple of pages to make sure this was fiction. We explore the intersections of race and sexuality with real figures of the Civil Rights and Gay Rights movements as they interact with our main character, Trey, in 1980s NYC. 

Newson doesn’t hold back on examining different types of queer people during this time. From the vehemently closeted politicians who spouted disgustingly cruel rhetoric to the public, to assimilation types, to the naive, to the wide range of radical activists. I appreciate the highlighting of community and activism and how ultimately that’s all anyone had to rely on. Like Angie and the countless other lesbians who took it upon themselves to run hospices for people who had nowhere else to go. I cried multiple times, just as I do with almost any work centered on AIDS. I feel such immense grief knowing how people were completely abandoned to suffer and die, but I suppose I could focus on the fact that there were people like Angie willing to do anything in their power to provide even the smallest comforts they could offer. 

The many footnotes were taking me out of the reading experience there for a bit but I came to appreciate them. I do wish Trey’s grief had maybe been explored a little more? Don’t get me wrong, it does come up but for whatever reason the ways it came up felt slightly unfinished to me. Also, I was shocked to see I had finished the book. I turned the page expecting something more to wrap it up only to realize that was it. There was so much going on in the entire book that it felt a little jarring to suddenly end like that, but I suppose we were only there to see a snippet of Trey’s life. 

So, was it perfect? Maybe not, but I think this will stick with me for a long time. The title will haunt me. My non-fiction reading list has just become a lot longer.