FYI, this entire review contains spoilers.  

Wow, I don’t even know what to say, What a fucking amazing book. This was one of the books I said I’d probably never read as it just didn’t seem like my type of book or genre, I didn’t think I was all that interested in dark academia, but it’s one of my friends favourite books, and since I’m making her read ‘Six of Crows’, I thought I would read ‘If We Were Villains’ and give her my thoughts, and I’m so glad I did. This was five stars all the way through reading, and it’s now in my top five all time books, it was just so good, I can’t even put it into words. Although, I guess the amount I have to say about this book in this review speaks for how much I love it. 

I annotated this book as I read so my friend could read what I was thinking after, which isn’t something I normally do, as I usually only annotate on a reread, and while I’m not sure if I’d do it again (it took so long, and I probably could have finished the book in half the time), I did enjoy doing it, and it helped to write down my thoughts, and got me thinking more about the plot and trying to guess what was coming up. And I’m actually proud to say that I did guess a few things correctly. 

 

I would like to say that I know nothing about Shakespeare, or his plays, or acting in general, so most of the quotes went over my head when I didn’t look them up to try and figure them out, and even then, it didn’t really make sense. So I didn’t care for that part, but that’s nothing on the book since it’s not the authors problem I don’t care for Shakespeare when I’m reading a book all about Shakespeare, and I’m sure the quotes made the book even better for people who understood them. 

 

I’m going to split this review up in the usual way I do by character, but I’m also going to add another heading at the end for me to write what I think after I’ve read other people’s theories, particularly about the ending. 

 

“[…] For you, it was just one day, then business as usual. For us it was one day, and every single day that came after.” 

 

Oliver Marks 

I love Oliver so much, although I love most of the main characters. He was just so sweet and caring, right until the last chapter, he was always looking out for other people before himself, which was evident when he took the fall for James and went to fucking prison for him for ten years. I saw someone say that Oliver was being selfish, putting himself in prison and not James, since James was pleading with him to confess and tell them he was guilty, but I think it was a way for Oliver to show his love for James, and a way in his attempt to protect him. Plus, I don’t believe Oliver knew at the time that James was going to kill himself, so he didn’t want to tell the truth and have them both in prison, especially because James would’ve be in there for longer and Oliver would get out before James, and then they might never get a chance to be together. He wanted James to try and live a normal life, and that was the only way he could think of giving it to him. Plus, in his own way, he sees himself as guilty too. Not going to lie, I didn’t realise until like one hundred pages from the end that Oliver’s sentence was complete, I just thought he was on an approved day visit out of the prison, I mean, he got a murder charge and only done ten years, seems a bit short, even if it was second degree. Would quickly like to say here that Oliver was a dick for how he treated his sister Caroline, it’s understandable if he didn’t particularly like her, but the comments he made about her eating were out of order and not justifiable in anyway. I understand if people don’t like Oliver for that, but I don’t think you can swear him off and then like people like James (who attacked Oliver), or Richard (yes, I saw someone say they like him). They are all, in their own way, evil, and they never claim to be perfect, none of them are meant to be truly likeable, but I think it’s the fact they’re so flawed that makes them likeable. I also wished we got more of a storyline with him having to take a scholarship and having to clean the Castle, something like all the others finding out, I don’t know. I know it was the reason he found out the police were still suspicious, and how he found the murder weapon and all that, but I wish more came out of that storyline. I always wondered why Filippa was the only one to visit him in prison, but now I know, it makes sense that Wren didn’t visit, same with Meredith, Alexander and him were never too close, although he did visit him occasionally, I think? The one I always wondered why they didn’t visit, was James, but now I know that he did visit him, for six years, before he stopped, I’ll talk more about James in his section. But, speaking of Oliver and James, I fucking called that they were going to be a couple. Well, I more joked about it than actually suspected, but still, I have annotations from early on in the book (to be specific, the first instance was fifty seven pages into the paperback) where I’ve wrote ‘now kiss’ or ‘please be gay’ when they’ve had scenes together, and I was fucking right, you have no idea how proud of myself I am. Maybe it was obvious, but I’m shit with foreshadowing. I know it was obvious later on, but I guessed it so early on that I think I deserve a metal or something. But oh my god, they completely broke my heart, so much that this book has joined the list of books that has made me cry. I’ll talk more about James’ ‘death’ in his section and the last section, but my heart was hurting when they kissed on stage, because obviously it was a beautiful thing for them two, but it wasn’t a kiss of love and excitement, it was a kiss of goodbye, as they had both seen Colborne standing there and they knew time was up, and I was in a puddle on the floor. Then when Filippa told Oliver that James had drowned himself, I was sobbing, I mean, what the fuck, why would the author do that, me and M.L. Rio have beef. I mean he just got out of prison, where he went for James, and all he wanted was to see James and have a future with him, and one of the only things keeping him sane and happy was fucking gone. And now I’m heartbroken too, thanks author… 

 

One thing I’m sure Colborne will never understand is that I need language to live, like food- lexemes and morphemes and morsels of meaning nourish me with the knowledge that, yes, there is a word for this. Someone else has felt it before. Someone has felt it before. 

 

James Farrow 

James is definitely fighting top spot for my favourite character from this book (him and Alexander). I really began to like him just after halfway through the book, where he became more involved in the story, and his involvement with Richard and relationship with Oliver began to become hinted at. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I liked him in the beginning, but I just never thought about him much. Now though, he fills my thoughts, and he was the one to make my cry. In the beginning he was always so confident and self-assured, so it was so upsetting to see him at the end, not long before his ‘death’, when he was just a complete mess of grief, love, guilt, heartbreak, every emotion, I wanted to scream. There are two things I don’t understand about James though, one, did he actually like Wren, and it was like Oliver and Macbeth’s situation, or was he just using her to hide himself? And two, why did he punch Oliver? I mean, other than him just getting too into his character, I can’t think of any other explanation. Maybe you could say he was trying to deny his feelings, but he said he had never wanted to hit Oliver before, and he felt horrible as soon as he had done it, so I don’t understand. Now, onto his ‘death’, which I keep putting in apostrophes since I don’t know whether he actually died or not. I hate open endings of any form, so the final line did make me really mad, but I guess I prefer hoping he might be alive than knowing for one hundred percent that he’s dead. At least I can imagine a world where him and Oliver find each other and then live happily ever after. I honestly have no idea whether he’s alive or not, I kind of think he is, since why would she put that last line there otherwise? Plus, they know where he died, so unless he somehow got out and died somewhere else, his body should have been found, and even if he got out, he shouldn’t have been able to go far. Maybe if I understood the play extract he wrote for Oliver it might make more sense, but I have no fucking clue what it meant. Legit no idea. Maybe he faked his death in an attempt for Oliver to move on, so they wouldn’t need to see each other and feel the pain and guilt every day, but then Oliver’s thoughts after reading the letter made it, that if the letter was trying to say he was still alive, that he wanted Oliver to find him. Maybe James wanted away from everyone else bar Oliver, to give them all closure, or maybe he is dead and this all means nothing. I don’t know, I’m going to cling onto the hope he’s alive, but I guess I’ll get a better understanding when I read theories. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

[…] 

He let his hands fall to his side, and he gave me that same helpless, hopeless shrug. “I never wanted you to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now.” 

 

Meredith Dardenne 

I have a love hate relationship with Meredith. She was funny and an interesting character, my heart hurt whenever Richard hurt her, especially when he threw her on the stage. I also liked her when she was with Oliver, it was nice getting to see a vulnerable, soft side of her that she obviously didn’t let other people see, it made her more human. But then again, she was always awful to Oliver about him and James, which is understandable, I wouldn’t be too happy if I was dating someone that was clearly in love with someone else, especially when they were at the tipping point and were clearly going to confess to each other soon, but then she fucking told Colborne about James killing Richard, which I’m sure she left out the morning after when they all decided not to save him and let him die. I’m guessing she told on James to get back at him, to get him away from Oliver so only Meredith would have him, but clearly it didn’t go her way lol. Maybe she told Colborne because she didn’t realise it was a murder rather than an accident, and she just wanted justice and couldn’t handle knowing the truth, but then again, she was okay with keeping the secret that they all let Richard die, which in it’s own way, also made them all murderers. I wonder what she would have done is Oliver was the murderer, would she have told Colborne? Also, why did her and James hook up (or get close to) near the end of the book? I get that Meredith wanted to see what Oliver saw, I guess, but why did James do it? Anyway, I think in the end, I do still like Meredith, and even though I’m annoyed and really upset that Oliver and James weren’t able to end up together (currently in my mind, they find each other and live happily ever after, but I’ll speak on that later), it was nice that Oliver and Meredith got back together, finding comfort in one another and able to be happy together, even after everything they had both been through. They were always sweet together and I did enjoy reading about them. 

 

She won’t look at me, but she says, “There’s one thing I need to know, now.” 

“Of course.” I owe her that much. 

“Us. All that time. Was any of it real, or did you know all along, and we were just a get-out-of-jail-free card for James?” She glares at me with those dark green eyes, and I feel sick. 

“God, Meredith, no. I had no idea.” I tell her. “You were real to me. Sometimes, I thought you were the only real thing.” 

 

Richard Stirling 

Dick. Absolute cunt. Fucker. The man went from zero to one hundred in a snap, I wonder what made his mind completely switch, because surly it couldn’t have been something as simple as not getting the main role. But then again, maybe it was just that, or maybe that was just the type of person he was. The nurture in nature vs nurture. The guy was trying to drown people, punching others, calling people sluts and whores and queer, throwing people across lawns, pushing throwing them across a stage, anything he could. He just turned a complete one eighty, strange to see. I was happy he died, since it meant no one would get hurt anymore (or so we thought), but then again, it was sad to read about Wren’s grief, and even, everyone else’s grief. Even thought they decided not to save Richard, Wren included, they had been friends with him for years, made inseparable bonds and created amazing memories, so obviously, even thought they were glad he was gone, they were still going to feel the grief of losing a close friend. A quote I love, which I’m not putting below this as it’s way too long, is the paragraph on page three hundred and eighty-two, paperback version, when Oliver enters Richard’s room, seeing that it was left exactly the same as before his death, like it was still lived in, that the owner was just temporarily out. Through most of the book, we thought of him as just a disgusting abuser, and while he still is that in our minds, it reminded us that he was still a human with likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests, friends and family, and that at one point, everything had been okay. It just showed the personal side of Richard, the type of person he was and how that reflected in his bedroom, and it also showed how quickly you can lose a life, one minute you’re there and the next you’re not. I just thought it was a beautiful paragraph. I do wonder how it would have played out if Richard didn’t die, but the reality is that one of the others would have probably been killed at the hands of him. 

 

He was much of a bully in death as he was in life, a giant who left behind not an empty space so much as a black hole, a huge crushing void that swallowed up all of our comforts, sooner or later. 

 

Alexander Vass 

Alexander is so fucking funny, and from the beginning I immediately liked him, which I though was funny that my favourite character was gay, typical of me. He was kind of like the comic relief of the group, which I think he might have made himself, in an attempt to ignore any problems he had and make himself seem perfectly fine (at points, he reminded me of Jesper Fahey from ‘Six of Crows’, but I think that might just be me trying to look for anything ‘Six of Crows’ and Jesper related anywhere). What I don’t get, was why Alexander started to hurt Oliver and James, gripping their wrists and pulling at their hair, because it was only one day he done it, and then afterwards they kind of ignored it. Come to think of it, it might have possibly been him on drugs, and it caused him to do that, which makes me wonder if Richard was also an addict, but no one knew. I also think a reason Alexander and James became violent, even if for one or two scenes, was to try and make us see that they were all evil in their own way, everyone was capable of becoming what Richard did, only they were just able to control themselves. Maybe it was a case of ‘the abused becomes the abuser’, but I’ve never really liked that saying. Speaking of drugs, I was in so much panic when he overdosed, and I genuinely thought he might die, but then I remembered they mentioned Alexander living in New York (I think it was New York at least) in one of the previous prologues, so we knew he was going to live, but it didn’t make it any less stressful. It was so heart-breaking seeing both Colin and Oliver’s reactions, I mean, Oliver had a complete breakdown, probably terrified of losing more of his friends, people he considered his family, which now I think about it, Filippa must have been feeling that too. I also wonder if James jumped into action to save Alexander to try and repent for what he done to Richard. Obviously, he done it mainly because they were friends and he didn’t want him to die, but I wonder if that played a role, and if he was terrified at the thought of not being able to save him and killing two of his friends. It was nice to see Alexander and Oliver get closer in the second half of the book, since they didn’t interact much in the first half. One thing that did confuse me, was why at one point he seemed almost upset and angry that they let Richard die (bottom of page two hundred and seventy six on paperback) even though it was literally his idea. I guess he was just scared, and in the moment at the lake, they all did want Richard gone, Alexander was just the first to say it. You know, I always wondered what Alexander thought of Oliver and James. I mean, Alexander was the ‘gay of the group’, and the only one to our knowledge. I know everyone suspected something between Oliver and James (backed up by Richard saying ‘“Why can’t you and Oliver just admit your queer for each other and leave my girls alone?”’). But I always wondered what Alexander was thinking when he first suspected/realised, and when it was confirmed, specifically when they kissed. 

 

He wound his scarf tightly around his neck and left the room, whistling “Secret Lovers” under his breath. 

 

Wren Stirling 

I don’t have much to say about Wren, to be honest. She was a sweet character, but we didn’t see enough of her for me to have a strong opinion on her. My heart did break for her when she was grieving Richard, as even though she didn’t object to leaving him for dead at the lake, she was still grieving a cousin who was like a brother to her, but in a way, it was like she was also grieving the old Richard, who he was before he became violent, when he was just a boy, her cousin and their friend. I wonder if she held any resentment towards Oliver, or if she knew it was actually James and hated him, was she told the full story, that it was self-defence, or was hearing of the murder enough for her? I’m sure if she did hear, she would have believed them, since she witnessed first-hand what Richard was capable of, especially towards James, and she never stood up against them to save him from the lake, but it’s not surprising that she never visited Oliver and didn’t really talk to any of them again. I’m surprised she actually came back to university and finished it. I also felt so bad for her when she collapsed, the grief and stress clearly getting to her, she probably shouldn’t have stayed at university, and she made the right decision by moving back to London, leaving everything behind in America and also leaving her friends, who probably were a constant reminder of Richard and the events that had happened. 

 

She sank back down between her aunt and uncle, stayed upright for a second or two, and then collapsed into her uncles lap. He bent over her protectively, tried to shield her with his arms, and soon they were both shaking so badly I couldn’t tell which one of them was sobbing. 

 

Filippa Kosta 

I don’t have much to say on her either, as she never really had a big part to play in the book. She was the mother of the group, always looking after everyone and trying to protect them all, which now that we know about her family makes sense, since they’re the only people she had and she didn’t want to lose them. It was nice that she still visited Oliver in prison, the only person to still do so, and helped him after he was released. It was also sweet that she went on to teach at the university, and married one of the teachers there (I think he was a teacher at least, I couldn’t really remember who Camilo was in the story lol). It made sense that she protected James when he killed Richard, and I guess that’s why she was so calm at the lake and why she comforted Oliver, since he would be the one to do anything for James, and she knew that, but in the end, she obviously couldn’t stop Oliver from trying to protect James. It also is understandable why she never told Oliver about James until he was out, because like she said, he would never have wanted to leave. She tried to show a calm and collected exterior, but on the inside, she was just terrified of losing the only people she loved and cared for. 

 

“You think it was Macbeth that fucked us up?” 

“No.” She stops at a red light and glances at me. “I think we were all fucked up from the start.” 

 

After Reading Theories 

Okay, after reading a few theories, which I’m surprised mainly aligned with what I thought, my thoughts haven’t really changed, I just have more reason to believe them. So, now that I’ve looked into the extract James wrote for Oliver from ‘Pericles’, I understand it now. Would like to say that I got all this information from @li.reading on Tiktok, so I’m pretty much going to quote her word for word, as I know nothing about this play and I’m not smart enough to interpret the meaning. So in ‘Pericles’, he is washed up on the shore and is about to die, until he sees some fishermen and uses the last of the energy to ask for their help to save him. If Pericles had not asked for help, he would not have lived. The key quote is ‘to ask your help: Which if you shall refuse, when I am dead, For that I am a man, pray see me buried’. It was a plea for help, a final call for Oliver’s help, to which if Oliver refused, he would die. Now, onto the first theory, which I don’t believe, is that James’ last visit to Oliver in prison was his plea for help and he did actually drown himself. I think it’s an interesting take, but I just don’t believe it, as I think the next theory, which I believe, holds a lot more value. Plus, M.L. Rio is a smart woman and very intelligent writer, and I don’t see her writing that last line for James to be actually dead. Now, onto the theory I do believe, which I did think before I read the theories, but reading them (mainly from @li.reading on Tiktok like I said), it just reenforces my interpretation of the ending. In the quote I wrote above, the key word is ‘if’, ‘Which if you shall refuse’, it implies he’s not dead yet, but that he’s still waiting for Oliver’s response, and like the quote said, if he refuses, then he will kill himself. It's also important to remember that in ‘Pericles’, him and his lover are separated and the lover assumed him to be dead by drowning, but that’s not the case and they are later reunited. It’s an interesting quote for James to pick, as it ties in so closely with their reality, of Oliver thinking he had drowned, but then that might not actually be the case. It’s also worth noting that throughout the book, whenever Oliver and James are compared to Shakespearean plays, they are always tragedies, bar this one, as ‘Pericles’ actually has a happy ending, which I’m sure James understood and hoped for when he picked that play to send to Oliver. Then, going onto James’ final words to Oliver in the book, Oliver asks where he’s going and James replies ‘“Hell. Del Norte. Nowhere. I don’t know.”’. I personally think this sentence shows what each outcome of their lives could be. One, Oliver could refuse his plea, resulting in James actually killing himself, and believing he will go to hell for the sin of killing Richard, since he never served time for it. Two, Del Norte is the lake where Oliver and James spent time together years ago, and I believe it to be the place where James is waiting for him, waiting for his plea to be answered, and where they may spend the rest of their time together, if Oliver accepts his plea. Three, nowhere is where everyone else believes him to be, as he, according to everyone else, drowned himself, although his body was never found, so he is in a state of nowhere, as no one can find him. And four, the ‘“I don’t know.”’ I think just refers to James’ uncertainty of the future and what ending will play out. It’s no longer in his hands, it’s up to Oliver to complete the ending, to find him in Del Norte and reunite with him, just like Pericles and his lover. Another person also said that maybe Oliver was too late, as the letter was written four years ago, but James would have known Oliver wouldn’t get out for another four years, and there’s nothing he could do behind bars. Plus, Filippa didn’t give Oliver the letter until a while after he got out of prison, so maybe it was meant to reach him on a certain date, as otherwise why wouldn’t Filippa give it to him as soon as she told him about James’ death? Someone said maybe she didn’t because she didn’t want to do it in front of Colborne, but she told him about his death in front of him, so why wouldn’t she give him the letter? Plus, she could gave given him it after Colborne left. I doubt that Filippa knew about James’ plan to fake his death, as I believe she would try to stop him, and I don’t think she would tell Oliver about James death in the way she did, or in front of Colborne, if she knew, and she probably would have given him the letter straight away. So, Oliver, I think, is the only person that knows James is still alive and knows of where to find him. Plus, James cared for Oliver deeply, I don’t think he would give Oliver a sense of false hope of him being alive, only for it to not be true, it’s just not in his nature. Someone also said that ‘James’ is dead, not physically, but that he has killed his old self, the one that got too tied into acting and you no longer knew where James ended and the character began. That James died and now he is a new him, which I think is an interesting perspective. 

 

Now, that’s as far as the theories go, and there is no way to know whether Oliver actually went out to search for him, and whether they had a happy ending together. But I believe they do find each other, Since the first thing Oliver wanted to do when he got out of prison was see James, and then after learning of his death, he searched record after record and file after file to get any information possible. Even though he was with Meredith, and probably did love her, I don’t see him abandoning James like that, especially after the line ‘The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still.’. Like I said, I do think he has love for Meredith, and he would be happy with her, but he loves James more, no fault of Meredith’s, it’s just the way it is. I mean, him and Meredith were together in university and he was falling harder and harder for James at the same time, trying to ignore his feelings by surrounding himself with Meredith, and then accepting James’ kiss on stage. Plus, Oliver thought of James straight away as soon as he left prison, not Meredith, that’s not something you can throw away. While I think there still would be a lot of pain between Oliver and James, and it would probably never be the same, I think they would build themselves back up slowly and learn how to live and love together. 

 

Anyway, enough of me rambling! Like I said in the beginning, this book is amazing, and I hold it very close to my heart. I’m so glad I was forced to read it by my friend, and I definitely owe her one. I will be thinking of this book, these characters, the ending, and the possible future after the ending for a long time. I know it’s only the beginning of the year, but I see this being one of my favourite books for 2023.