As you may have noticed, I don't reward a lot of middle grade/chapter books. Every once in awhile I'll pick one up, and I'm usually impressed (see Other Words for Home), but it's just not a primary reading type for me. However, a few weeks ago, Erin Becker (who I met while at undergrad at UNC) reached out about her debut novel coming out shortly, this novel, and asked if I'd be willing to review it. Well, if you follow me at all, you'll know I just recently posted about Cleat Cute, which I picked up because it was sapphic and soccer-themed, two things very close to my heart. Well, this book had those same primary themes (plus a few others), so, naturally, I decided I had to give it a try. 

 

*An early e-version of this book was provided to me in exchange for a review. The thoughts/comments in this review are entirely my own honest opinions.* 

 

Quick synopsis: Mel and Tory used to be best friends, but a falling out last year changed that. Nw, even though they still play together on the same soccer team, and are in the same classes at school, things just aren't the same. And they could really use the support, with everything they're dealing with. Mel isn't sure she's cut out to be captain, is struggling with nerves over a class presentation, and isn't sure she has anyone she can tell (other than her anonymous text-friend) about the poetry she's been working on. Tory may be outwardly put together, but inside, she's falling apart, as her mother's focus on crafts and her new husband doesn't seem to leave any time for Tory, and she doesn't feel like she has anyone she can confide in (other than her secret text-friend) about liking girls. As the end of the school year looms, with soccer championships and school president elections on the line, Mel and Tory have to figure out how to deal with everything from family problems to friendship changes to soccer field dynamics to their feelings in a real life way, beyond their online conversations. 

 

To start, I was a little worried because, while the issues and internal understanding of themselves and social-emotional puberty changes are spot on for Mel and Tory's 8th grade selves, the narrative voice felt a bit young/childish for that. It was solid, but I wanted them to be in like, 6th grade, not 8th, based on the writing (and, though my own health education work with middle schoolers, how they usually sound to me). However, as I got farther into the novel, the writing got better and more mature. I think perhaps it was just the intro chapters, the "getting to know the characters" basics, that came across more childish. And once I settled into the writing and age, my reading experience smoothed out considerably. 

 

The story itself was tender and delightful. So many very real youth situations found their way into these pages - school and family and friends and sport and extracurricular pressure and expectation and sometimes forgetfulness/leaving behind - and I found it so easy to remember and empathize with Tory and Mel. Middle school is a time of so many changes, and trying to figure them all out, while also discovering yourself, is such a unique and complex journey for everyone. We saw two very different, individual realities for Tory and Mel as they went through this for themselves, but the universality of change was displayed so well. 

 

I particularly loved these relationship situations between/amongst friends (and maybe more than friends?): the complications of things getting more nuanced as one gets older, working to “hold two opposing ideas” at the same time (in their feelings for other people and in their understanding of themselves and the passions/interests they can have), is such a gorgeous message/lesson that all young people have to learn. It's explained in such a clear and relatable way for young readers here. Another highlight for me was the sibling relationships for both Mel and Tory. They both have that mix of exasperation and annoyance and support and mutual jealousy/sadness that comes out as meanness, but also the pure excitement when the other one does something brave. I am always a softie for great, realistic sibling relationships and Becker delivered that here. And of course, the relationship between Tori and Mel - both of them realizing how they actually feel about each other and taking a chance with honesty about it - is so brave and heartwarming. Their little ice cream date to close the book was simply adorbs. 

 

While the closing was, potentially, a bit overly sweet, the happy ending fits the vibe of the storytelling. Plus, it's middle grade, so, I'd want to leave my readers with hopes for a happy ending and positive future for themselves too. Overall, I really enjoyed this young coming of age story. And I think my own middle school self might really have benefitted, might have learned some things for/about myself, from something like it. I may not be a convert to this age-range of books, but I liked and would definitely recommend this one. 

 

“…sometimes I’m lonely and I don’t know why.” 

 

"Here's the thing. When you're little, you can be friends with anyone. And then when you're older, everything changes. One day you turn around and your friends feel like aliens to you, and you feel like an alien to them. Even worse, you're like an alien to yourself, too." 

 

"Messing up / and still trying again, / I'd say finally, That's / the most human thing I know" 

 

"I kind of can't believe this. I've never heard my mom say she did something wrong. I think her way of being the strong one also meant always being right." 

 

"Maybe being magic isn't about being perfect [ ...] Maybe it's taking all the imperfect moments and still making something great. And when things are tough, when something goes wrong, I don't want to choke or run away or give up, or pretend it's okay when it's not, or pretend that I'm someone I'm not, or shove all the stars into a jar. Instead, I want to say, I am who I am. it is what it is. And I get to decide what I'm gonna do next." 

 

"It's scary, letting people in. Maybe the scariest thing on the planet. But you know what? I want this goofy, messy girl to feel the way she makes me feel. And that's worth doing something scary." 

 

"I think I like being more questions than answers. I think I find the mystery delicious."