how could i not pick up a book that looks like this, costs £3 (thank you, used-book-sellers, for turning up every sunny day of the month to tempt me), and says "he was a nice boy. it was a nice kiss. but that was all." (!!!)

i savoured this debut novella in its bold expressionist entirety, being left with pleasantly lingering sorrow and hope and wanting more of Irmgard Keun's writing.

this is a story of Gilgi, a 21-year-old woman in Weimar Germany, who is ambitious, disciplined, hard-working, pragmatic, and unshakeable, until... until a man turns up. Martin. Martin is a tumble-weed-of-a-man, lives each day as it comes, spends money like it's air, and is in a constant search for new adventures. and he lays his eye on Gilgi, and Gilgi finds herself mysteriously attracted to that man, and they start living together after Gilgi finds out she's adopted. all of this is told in Keun's hypnotising expressionist style that mixes stream of consciousness with the author's musings and vivid sketches of the surroundings (tick-tick-tick... rrrrrrrrrr) and the lines of popular songs. some passages felt a bit Lispector-y to me with their intense focus on emotional turmoil.

the central theme is a woman's autonomy and independence and the right to have a room of her own. this woman exists in a society that has lost their sense of internal responsibility, for everything is up to the external forces; Keun consistently weaves in the social commentary on the socio-economic issues in Weimar Republic, the abortion laws, and the perception of women by men as inferior creatures. there is the depiction of poverty that leaves you no life, no chance to be "the fittest" to survive in such a climate. and, my "favourite" - the men who yap about politics, oh boy, and they do what? oh boy, they do nothing. and i am so grateful for the little powerful instances where Gilgi shuts these empty politic-talks. am always up for a little catharsis through fiction.

we see Gilgi change: from a determined little girl she molds herself to fit with Martin and his lifestyle. she tries to change the man, but it only hurts his pride and suppresses the way she wants to be. the relationship between the two relies solely on chemistry, the sexual attraction, but nothing more. they are intriguing to each other for being so utterly opposite, but there is no space for finding a pattern that creates compatibility. Gilgi becomes trapped in her role as a lover and a cute little creature with something kindling inside her, something that surely scares Martin, and yet, it doesn't vanish, for Gilgi is too strong to dissipate into a carefree life. and so, she learns that changing a man is not the way, and though she loves him, she needs to go her own way. (as a side note, i was pleasantly surprised that Gilgi's friend, Olga, was not fine with Gilgi's transformation into a lax person, even though she told her to "release her inhibitions". i wish we saw more of their friendship, perhaps the development of a kind of relationship where two different women love and treasure each other for their quirkiness).

at the end,

we see Gilgi at the beginning of her journey to trusting herself more firmly, despite the anxiety and the longing to stay in the frowsty comfort. she gets on the Cologne-Berlin train, casting several looks on an orange that is lying on the tracks - the orange is the symbol for ending her life, a way to leave all that she cannot be behind and not having to face the uncertainty of change and the unknown bearings of her new home. this last page gave me shivers: Gilgi is truly a brave woman, who "when she's twenty-five, will call herself Gisela. but she is not at that point yet" (p.1).

i think, in the years to come (omg, i already miss this character), Gilgi will look back at her early 20's and recall Martin fondly while knowing with her whole being that she made the right choice. i hope she also learns from him - yes, that tumble-weed - that sometimes, life is just simple, like in the quote i put at the top, and you should embrace those times and know when to resurface.
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a few miscellaneous quote-gems:

and, of course, how can i leave out the little speech for my men who live for blabbering about politics:

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now i want to read The Artificial Silk Girl.