*caution: this book includes an explicit scene of sexual assault*

my only thought after finishing this book is… how unsatisfying. the characters were so unbelievably pretentious, regardless of their background. i don’t know what i really expected from a book about unfaithful, rich white people in england but the author really pumped out the condescension and meaningless ostentation in this one.

it felt like reading a poorly thought out and poorly executed teen drama starring theatre kids. none of the characters were remotely likeable, which isn’t necessary, but they *were* completely unsympathetic, and that’s important if you want me to care at all or be invested in their story.

the pace was mind-numbingly boring. i can’t tell you how many times i almost gave up while reading because it was nothing but unnecessary descriptions and flashy dialogue that meant nothing and lead to nothing.

the “plot twist” was very predictable. if you pay even a little bit of attention to the way the author describes characters, you can tell pretty quickly “who dun it.” the plot twist itself is so convoluted and unrealistic compared to the almost brutal realism of the story that it just ends up being insulting. like, i read all of this, suffered through all of these ridiculous characters and their even rambling, narcissistic interactions… for that? this is the best you could give us?

the main character, rachel, was honestly insufferable. and i’m not talking about her infidelity or bad parenting—ironically, in these aspects, i can actually empathise with her. you can see from the get-go how unhappy she is and how all of her efforts to fix her life without changing it all go to waste, despite her good intentions. what does make her very frustrating is her sheer stupidity and lack of any drive. we’re told over and over again she’s dedicated to her job, but it’s never shown and she only talks about it with disdain. we’re told she loves her daughter and wants to make up for being a negligent mother, but she never really tries and gives up after the first snide comment from her daughter.

the only reason i gave this book two stars instead of none is because i want to support books with the main character being a middle-aged woman. though, to be fair, the only times rachel’s age is mentioned is when she countlessly berates herself for… ageing? she is so disgusted by her own age despite the fact that she’s self-admittedly attractive, fit, healthy and very rich. hell, even other characters and the plot itself hone in on how attractive and fit she is, but her narration is constantly spitting out that she’s 49 with the same revolt as if she were a rotting corpse.

nearly all the other characters in this book are designed to be unlikable and unsympathetic, *except* for rachel, and yet she was still insufferable.

all in all, this book was bland, disappointing and downright insupportable at times. i rarely wish i could go back and not read a book, because even bad books are still somewhat entertaining, but i really do wish i could stop my past self from picking this book out for its pretty cover at the library.