Oh God, my heart. I knew when I finished Keeping 13 that reading Joey's book would wreck me. I knew it would be too raw and far more emotional than the first two books, but nothing could've prepared me for this. I ugly sobbed while reading this book, and my heart shattered for Joey Lynch and for Aoife Molloy.

Joey and Aoife's first meeting made me root for them instantly. It was just so cute and innocent before everything changed. They first meet on the day of their secondary school and feel a kind of connection and attraction when Aoife decides she's going to be his girlfriend, and he agrees. But everything changes that day for Joey when he comes back home to find that his older brother Darren abandoned them all and left town, leaving him as the oldest sibling and in charge of keeping his younger siblings safe from the monster that was their father. He had to grow up and step into the role of their protector overnight, without any warning or preparation. Due to this and the fact that he worked for Aoife's father and needed the money to support his family, he distanced himself from her. The book progresses with Aoife and Joey dancing around their feelings for each other for 3 years, and while Aoife knew she had some feelings for Joey, Joey decided to shove all his feelings and wants for Aoife down and stay away.

Reading Shannon's book gave me an understanding of the horrors the Lynch family had to live through due to having such an abusive father and a bystander mother, and I thought I knew how bad it was for them, but it wasn't even the half of it, and that was because Joey shielded them from a lot of it by letting their father use him as his punching bag so his siblings were spared. And he did so on multiple occasions and for years. Knowing now what Joey had to endure physically, emotionally, and mentally for years is horrifying.

Joey didn't have anyone by his side while he kept sacrificing himself for the sake of his siblings and his mother. There was no one he could confide in, rely on, or go to for advice or help. He was so utterly alone, and it made my heart hurt so damn bad. Even after giving his all every single time, it still wasn't enough. Knowing how his own mother told him she was convinced that Joey would turn into his father one day was so brutal. And after he kept hearing it for years and seeing the look in his mother's eyes every time, he truly started believing it. No one believed in him or cared about what he went through while Joey carried the burden of their entire family on his shoulders. People looked at him and just decided that he's bad news or trouble, that he wouldn't amount to anything or end up in a ditch somewhere.

He had to start working at the age of fifteen to support his mother and his siblings, getting into the role of a protector to keep his siblings safe from their father's wrath, and going up against his father even when he knew he couldn't outpower him to protect his mother. Knowing the things Joey had seen and heard his father do to their mom was so sickening. After Darren left, Joey basically raised Tadhg, Ollie, Shannon, and then Sean, whom he raised right from day one.

Even after all that he was going through, he never took it out on his siblings or didn't let it dampen the little joys in their lives. Taking them for trick or treating, making sure they all had gifts on Christmas, going after the people who bullied Shannon even if it meant getting expelled, and fighting off his father even if it meant getting arrested. He kept giving until he had nothing left in him.

Aoife was honestly such a headstrong, brave, loyal, inspiring, and overall brilliant character. She never stepped down from a fight, called people out on their bullshit, and didn't let Joey hide behind his anger or excuses. She kept pressing and pushing him because she knew he was deflecting and she wasn't going to have it. She didn't give him the option to bolt, like he kept trying to, and I love her so much for that.

She truly did save him, over and over again. Loving someone like Joey wasn't easy when he was already on the path of self-destruction, but she did it even when she knew it would end in heartbreak that she wouldn't recover from. She didn't give up on him when everyone, including Joey himself, already had, because she knew there was something in him worth saving and worth fighting for. And so she fought against everything and everyone for him, and she fought with Joey the hardest, knowing he was his biggest enemy. She was absolutely unapologetic for wanting Joey, didn't let anyone say a word about him, and always defended him. She stood up to his parents too and let them know, in no uncertain terms, that she was here to stay. Where everyone saw a train wreck, good for nothing junkie, Aoife only saw the potential in Joey, and she was so proud to be with him.

My heart broke for everything she had to endure in the process. Having to watch Joey be with other girls while he kept distancing himself from her for years. Watching him ruin his body and mind with drugs the way he did broke something in her every time, and you could feel those emotions, which broke me too. Reading about everything Aoife had to watch Joey go through in these situations, not knowing how to help or if he'd survive was gut-wrenching.

Joey spends years trying to keep Aoife at a distance, knowing he couldn't give her what she deserved with everything going on in his life. He was so closed off when Aoife tried to get him to talk to her, and he snapped at her and said hurtful things. Knowing how he grew up, he was always on edge and ready for a fight, and it was easier for him to be angry and hurtful than to be vulnerable or let his guard down in front of anyone. The tension keeps building between them for years, and they have their fair share of fights, but they also end up becoming best friends over time.

Joey does try to get clean for Aoife's sake, to be better for her, and reading his struggle of just wanting to be free from all the torment in his life and how much he was breaking and spiraling wasn't easy. He needed an escape from the reality of his situation, even for a few moments, so he could keep going for his siblings. The guilt for the times he wasn't around to stop their dad, the anger toward Darren for abandoning them, the fear of turning into his dad one day, the desperation for wanting his mother to really see him, and the hopelessness of being convinced that he doesn't deserve to be with Aoife because he thought he ruined everything he touched.

The way this book ended has left me feeling raw, emotional, and angry at the unfairness of it all. Knowing what I know from Shannon's book, Redeeming 6 is going to be a lot more intense, and I'm not sure how I'll handle myself.