Well, this one was interesting. Again, as someone who's had more than their fare share of crappy sex (ugh, telling on myself on the internet, again), the authors, cofounders of the Somatica sex-and-relationship coaching network, offer a take that better sex is mostly a matter of psychology, rather than mechanics or communication, though both those parts matter.

The two inwards directed parts are core desires, what really turns you on, and your hottest sex movie, the specific details of sexual fantasy you go to. Most people have at the surface at least, pretty standard core desires to feel wanted, to feel sexy, and perhaps a slight orientation towards leading or being pursued. Where this gets tricky is for people who have core desires that are a little more complex.


Is forming a testudo with 40-50 of your closest friends the cure to loneliness?

Assuming that you can be honest with yourself about your core desires and hottest movie, the next step is sharing that with your partner and vice versa, and then finding a way to bridge the gaps. If you're both lucky, it'll be pretty easy and everybody does something they might not consider individually, but are happy to do when asked, to help both people have a great time.

The case studies of trickier cases were some of the better parts of the book, showcasing the creativity needed to save a relationship. One woman who had been punished for masturbating as a small child found that she needed to feel innocent as part of sex. A man's desire to explore group sex was a proxy for a core desire to be engulfed, and one that could be mostly satisfied by describing an imaginary orgy to his strictly monogamous wife.