Okay. I did it. I finished the series.

While it is better written from a technical standpoint than Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Freed is probably the most boring of the trilogy. It took me 12 days to read this book. It would've taken longer but it's an ebook I borrowed through my library and it automatically "returns" after two weeks, so I made myself finish. Even once I resolved to finish it, I ended up skipping about thirty pages.

I think I developed Stockholm Syndrome while reading this series. The first two books I was completely livid with E L James for creating this monstrous character and some stupid bint who just knew her love could transform him. I was annoyed with every woman who swooned over Christian Grey and told me she wished he was real. I knew I would never understand how anyone could think, "Hey, he's not so bad." Why would anyone perpetuate such dangerous ideas regarding relationships and mental health? I direct you to this article on 31 Ways to Know You're in the Right Relationship; they display 10 of the 15 things you shouldn't during the course of the series.

I maintained these opinions for the first two days of reading Freed. My rage lasted throughout the first three or four chapters, which were peppered with inane flashbacks, like the one about him

being angry at her for wanting to keep her job after their wedding

and them

fighting about her refusing to vow to obey him

. I was indignant when he referred to her as an asset that needed rebranding and said he liked to make random appearances at SIP because "it keeps management on their toes, wives in their place." And of course he decided not to tell Ana important things that could save her life, and then one time he

left cuff marks on her and then bought her jewelry to cover them up partly because he couldn't stand to see them

, and then another time he made her safe-word when he

got mad at her and decided to sensually torture her and not let her orgasm as punishment

. Which, you know, world's tiniest violin, lady. But still. Kind of a jerk move.

But then I think I just went numb from the predictability of the plot and my overall boredom with the characters. Because even when he completely lost his rag over her

being pregnant

(which I've spoilered-out even though it was the most predictable aspect of the book), I found myself thinking, Well, who cares. People fight. You'll both get over it. Meh.

I guess "meh" could probably be my entire review, honestly.

I'm not sure if this is in the print edition, but my ebook edition had some extra stories at the end: "Fifty's First Christmas" and then one about his interview with Ana from his POV. I didn't really read those but I did read his file on Ana and YIKES. This was when they had just met, mind you, and he had a file which included her bank account number, bank balance, social security number, mother's maiden name and husbands, etc. And at some point in the second or third book Ana read that file and didn't run screaming in the opposite direction.

In conclusion, can we please get away from the irritating and senseless trend of giving unborn children dumb nicknames in novels? "Little Blip" isn't even a tiny bit cute, especially when you have to read it approximately 45 times in so many pages.

And now I move on with my life.