FINALLY!!!!

THIS BOOK IS TOO HEAVY TO SPEED THROUGH. that end note? as if the whole book is not enough to break me? 

i won't deny that this book is all but DRAGGY (took me months!!! had long breaks in between) but i also admit its praises in terms of depicting the lives enslaved by addiction. *claps* it taught me a lot of things about it and given the time it took me to finish this, it'll definitely lessen the chance of me forgetting. it discussed a lot of sad and hard facts about addiction: how small a chance for one to make it to recovery even after rehab; how stigma greatly affects this chance; how genes and addiction are related; the perspectives of people going through addiction: how they got into it; tried to get better and failed many times; etc. it showed how vulnerable and human they are still, in contrary to the prejudice  oftenly charged against them. i am attached to the community (u know i love communities 🥺) James had within the rehab, and it was heartbreaking to read about their struggles. this book was good in all that matter although i must say that 80% of the part, James didn't make this an easy ride because of his writing style and format... :| no quotations aside, there are a lot of repetitive monologues that exhausted my reading energy lol. although i understand it might be for poetic volume, but that purpose was only defeated by making it more draggy and LONG. i mean-- the theme IS DARK and GRAPHIC enough, no need for emphasis on that, James. 

also, i can't help but critique James' sense of self-reliance. i'm happy for his recovery and all, but throughout the book, this self-reliance made this memoir a little bit performative, hence, it gave me doubts regarding the truthfulness of his testimony. definitely not a fan of this attitude from him but nonetheless, i still respect his journey and rejoice in his sobriety. (this book shone a new light major on respect for me, btw)

would i recommend this book? yes and no. yes, because as i've mentioned, it has real addiction and rehab content that could inspire change in the way we empathize people going through addiction, and change in the management of addiction especially within family corners. i wouldn't recommend this if you can find another book with the same type of content but more accessible in writing because this might get you into a slump. :') 

all in all, i give it a 3.5 ⭐

TW: GRAPHIC (!!!) contents of violence, sex, drugs, sexual abuse & harrassment, foul language, suicide