“Despite all of my positive engagements with life, despite the love and joy and immense good fortune that have also been my portion, that self directed hopelessness was an ever-lurking shadow, ready to obliterate the light whenever I experienced a setback or a discouragement, and even in innocent, unguarded moments.” 

The Myth of Normal digs straight into the mound of our society, exposing hole after hole in the dirt structure, exits and entries and tunnels we have built ourselves with exhausted mandibles. The foundations are dry and crumbling at the expense of the health of the individual and the colony, but admittance to that fact reveals a seemingly insurmountable need for change ahead. 

There is so much I can say about this book. It’s thorough, well-written, balanced and nuanced, and rewarding to read. Maté uses cold hard facts, but enriches the science with charming anecdotes from himself and others that allow the book to flow without falling into dogma, conspiracy, and false promises. Not only that, but the research is actually fascinating. Personally, I was especially struck by the studies on telomeres and the survey about ALS patients. He lays out all of the facts and then provides hope through guidelines, principles, and practical steps towards healing. The picture is realistic and grim, but the information in this book empowers. 

The first part of the book surrounds all of the research and evidence and unfortunately confirms how traumatized and diseased we are at a societal level. Maté really proves his point that “normal” is a myth, and our idea of “normal” is not normal at all. From forcing women into uncomfortable birthing situations, to normalizing strict discipline for children, to our (social)media hijacking our self perception and dopamine systems (the part about “neuro-marketing” was horrifying), to allowing a world where parents need to work so much they hardly have family time, to systematic classism, racism, sexism, xenophobia, and ableism all perpetuated by generational prejudice and individualism and economic decay, and much more, Maté doesn’t hold back on deconstructing how from birth to death, we are predisposing ourselves to some level of pain and dysfunction. It’s refreshing to see a doctor in the mental health / “self-help” genre acknowledge the real barriers many of us face at a systemic level without falling into the trap of “welp, guess I’ll die!” He is really respectful and thoughtful approaching these topics. 

The second part of the book focuses on successes, treatment and prevention, and more philosophical approaches to healing. The questions Maté wants us to ask ourselves, and that he admits to ask himself to this day, are genuinely helpful. The four(six) As (Authenticity, Agency, Anger, Acceptance, + Activism and Advocacy) and the five compassions (ordinary human compassion, compassion of curiosity and understanding, compassion of recognition, compassion of truth, compassion of possibility) are helpful terms to apply to ourselves and others while self analyzing. I like his emphasis on mind-body connection, or more, “oneness” (if you really think about it, it’s kind of stupid we ever separated the two), and eventually the exploration of some essence within ourselves, what we “are,” that is not our appearance or personality or body. With this book we’re given plenty of answers to broad scale trauma questions, and even more to ask ourselves, all encouraged to be done with a gentle approach. (I’ll say all this then lash at myself endlessly but… all part of the process I guess.) 

I deeply appreciate that his approach to spirituality is not one of outright denial, but not one of dogma. I love the idea of “submitting to a god you don’t believe in” (amusing way to put it) when it comes to searching for higher purpose, putting faith in that which we will never know. Believe it or not, these ideas are one avenue to break out of extreme cynicism. 

He also talks about psychedelics which is cool! I would’ve liked more research in that chapter but… not a huge deal, it’s out there. I connected so deeply to something he said in regards to healing experiences like these: 

“(…) spirituality had existed for me mostly as rumor, theory, or concept- or as a vague longing, both wistful and wishful. Though I had consumed shelves of books, and could even speak articulately on the subject, I had never myself been subject to a direct encounter with such storied states as wonder, mystery, or ‘the peace that passeth all understanding.’ My faith in humanity’s potential for genuine, revelatory transformation, while sincere, had come to me largely secondhand; I could not trace this faith to any experience of my own.” 

Healing doesn’t need to be a big dramatic breakthrough. It is, for many of us, gradual, as long as we are an active participant. It’s a nice reminder that spirituality perceived is not spirituality experienced, and for some of us well meaning but very-hardened cynics, it’s… a different journey. 

Okay, okay, time for a few negatives. I think the book was a little too long and dense. It’s important for a larger audience, and while Maté clearly has the skills of both physician and writer, it may blind him to the fact that his writing isn’t fully accessible to a general audience. It’s far from impossible to read, but there are no shortage of complex topics, and the vocabulary to accompany it may turn off some readers. I’ll admit, generally speaking, the book could sometimes be a bit rambly and repetitive. By the end I found the repeated insistence of the importance of trauma as a context to an afflicted society a bit too much. 

Speaking of, I also think the book is, admittedly, trauma-reductionist. Genetics has clearly been over-exaggerated when it comes to illness (as a nutrition nerd I can tell you that much), and the medical field is far too ignorant to the broader context of disease. That being said, genetics, nutrition, physical activity, the inherent uniqueness of our bodies, all play a part as well, those and an innumerable amount of factors we don’t understand yet. Maté doesn’t ignore full contexts, but what he writes implies that trauma is the near-lone origin to said context. I don’t think this is necessarily true. 

Some of the language is a bit misguided or insensitive. Calling certain dispositions or disorders, notably neurodivergencies, “mental diseases” or “mental disorders” is both insensitive and incorrect. Ironically, given the trauma those of us with any level of neurodivergence or neuro-atypical traits have suffered at the hands of flippant medical professionals, predatory “healers,” and an unaccommodating society, a greater level of care should’ve been employed with the verbiage. The same can be said for “curing” certain maladies or, well, differences in our make-up that aren’t inherently malignant or “wrong.” It seems as though most of the time, Maté’s focus was more on adverse symptom reduction; he even emphasizes the difference between “healing” (a long, ongoing process that does not necessitate the full absence of an affliction) and “curing.” Given the nuance in the rest of the text, I’m more forgiving for these word choices than I am with more insensitive or even dogmatic authors (looking at you Tollé.) Also, to be blunt, a bluntness fueled by some of these reviews, some of you just act more incompetent than you actually are. Such hostility towards the mere idea of reducing unpleasant symptoms of the diagnosis you endlessly bitch about on TikTok outside of life-long potentially adverse medication and too often ineffective or insufficient therapies reflects an internal problem worth addressing. Stop over pathologizing yourselves, coming from someone with severe OCD who would love nothing more than to do that. (Is that my own repressed anger over people weaponizing their problems to me coming out? Perhaps. Oops!) 

As I stated before: Maté is very, very grounded when it comes to the anecdotes he uses. Many of these stories are meant to give examples of the research he cites; it’s also a good way to keep the book flowing with so much information. I’ll admit though, I found the inclusion of Donna’s cancer story to be highly irresponsible. Maté himself clearly states this is not a path everyone should take, but I think a story to this extremity is dangerous to share to those who are vulnerable and may want to follow suit. He’s a proponent of the miracles of modern medicine and broader, trauma-inclusive, “out-of-the-norm” treatment modalities. As happy as I am for this woman, a story of her refusing effective treatment for an aggressive cancer all while she had children to take care of… it worked out for her, somehow, and there are lessons to be learned from it, but it absolutely will not work out for most. Her story is a good indicator that healing is much more than medication and surgery and radiation, but not nearly enough to encourage, even accidentally, the absence of it. Fake healers and coaches and influencers have their mouths wide open and would love to dangle bright stories like this in front of their jaws to swallow their vulnerable victims into false promises and money pits, dangerous and even deadly ones. 

Barring a few other flaws here and there that I won’t go into (a couple other questionable anecdotes, some issues with structure and flow, an unfortunate misunderstanding of a Lady GaGa song, etc.) this is a phenomenal book. It’s essential reading and essential knowledge that can empower us as individuals and as a society to inch towards necessary, radical change. 

Go in with an open mind and READ IT! You will undoubtedly get something out of it, even if small. 

“Thus, what is considered normal and natural are established not by what is GOOD for people, but by what is expected of them, which traits and attitudes serve the maintenance of the culture.” To change this is “our most daunting challenge and greatest possibility.”