"I'm so happy for my friends. I love them, even when they piss me off. I care about them. I want their joy. But it still hurts a little when it feels like, everywhere I look, everyone seems to have someone. Everyone but me. It's crazy how much I wish I didn't care. I wish, so much, all the time, that I didn't give a shit about this sort of thing-that I could be like Warner, a frozen, unforgiving island; or even like Adam, who's found his happiness in family, in his relationship with his brother- but I'm like neither. Instead, I'm a big, raw, bleeding heart, and I spend my days pretending not to notice that I want more. That I need more. Maybe it sounds weird to say, but I know I could love the shit out of someone. I feel it, in my heart. This capacity to love. To be romantic and passionate. Like it's a superpower I have. A gift, even. And I've got no one to share it with."

the quote above literally made me want to cry thanks. like please the way he is so loving and caring and the mom friend of his group and he absorbs other people's pain. the way he just feels things deeply and experiences things intensely and just wants someone to show his love to and have it be reciprocated. the way most of the time he just plays it off when he's upset but sometimes it gets too much to handle and he just breaks down and there's so much going on inside his head. i want to give him a hug :((. i relate to him so much, especially when he said "i feel it, in my heart. this capacity to love. to be romantic and passionate. like it's a superpower i have". no other character in any book (or media in general) has ever articulated that feeling so perfectly. genuinely some of his thoughts feel like they were extracted from my own brain. i don't think i've ever felt that way about a character before, never seen so much of myself in one, which is why he's so special to me. he's my new comfort character i love him so much i would literally do anything for that man. i really really enjoyed this book from his perspective. <3