I’m honestly so good at being in denial like ask anyone around me. I fix problems by just pretending they don’t exist and hoping they fix themselves. I can convince myself certain things never happened or have never been said. My denial game was also strong before I started this because I GENUINELY thought ‘Hmmm it’s been a few years like I can’t possible hurt as much now as then.’

Ooohhh but I was right. Knowing how the 3rd book goes somehow made the pain SO.MUCH.WORSE. I’m still that soft teenager that cries in public transport because I’m weak okay!!! I cannot handle this kind of sadness!!! I shouldn’t be allowed to cry if no one even died!

I honestly wish I could transfer my feelings to someone else for only a second so they can feel and understand the actual agony I’m in reading this I KNOW I’M DRAMATIC BUT NOT ABOUT THIS I SWEAR!

I cannot tell you if you broke my heart the first time I read you or the second or third or fourth but I do know you broke my heart and continued breaking it because they all just love each other so much and I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES BUT THIS IS THE ONLY ONE EVER I WILL TOLERATE! I can completely understand why Tessa loves them both because I do too!!

“But I feel myself losing myself—” He groped for words. “I feel myself diminished, parts of me spiraling away into the darkness, that which is good and honest and true—If you hold it away from yourself long enough, do you lose it entirely? If no one cares for you at all, do you even really exist?”

“I’m so tired, Tess,” he said. “I only wanted pleasant dreams for once.”

That last line absolutely broke me like it was 8am and it was too early for my favorite trash son to suffer like that.

“No one can live with nothing,” he whispered. “Jem is all I have.”

Oh Will :(

“I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you. That you were the center of everything I did and felt and thought.”

Then we have this smooth asshole who is claiming he is not good with words and delivers the most beautiful love declaration ever and it’s as if I could feel Jems love for Tessa come off the pages and just smack me in the face aaaaaaahhh!!

The ships are all nice and everything (and with nice I mean horrible) but my main love is and always will be Will and Jems friendship. I love how much they love each other and I’ll forever be mad we never got enough of those two together! The amazing content we could have had with them off on demon killing adventuresss!! Cassie make these short stories happen pls!

“If I was harsh with you, it was because I cannot bear to see you treat yourself as if you are worth nothing. Whatever part you might act to the contrary, I see you as you really are, my blood brother. Not just better than you pretend to be, but better than most people could hope to be.” He placed a hand on Will’s shoulder, gently. “You are worth everything, Will.”

“Even if it meant Will’s own happiness, for Jem was not only someone to whom he owed a debt that could never be repaid, but, as the covenant said, someone he loved as he loved his own soul.”

THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND I NEVER KNEW THAT TWO PEOPLE LOVING EACH OTHER WOULD CAUSE ME THIS MUCH PAIN OKAY IM DONE RANTING SND CRYING IM GONNA FINISH THE LAST BOOK NOW BYE