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A review by ashlightgrayson
Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman
informative
reflective
5.0
The target audience for this book is individuals in romantic relationships that wish to improve their communication. However, I think it serves to give advice about healthy communication in general. The Gottman's pull examples from their own marriage as well as general examples from their clients to exemplify what unhealthy aspects of conflict between a couple look like. It makes a lot of the content presented relatable and easy to digest.
I appreciate that the Gottman's break down the spectrum of what conflict can look like. From there, they elaborate on how mistakes can be made during conflict. It's really an exercise in understanding how to argue before you are smack in the middle of it. The Gottman's introduce the concept of repair, which I think is super helpful. I feel like a lot of self-help books focus on prevention, but don't necessarily provide tools for when mistakes are made and how to fix them. The concept of repair is essentially finding ways to emotionally connect again with a partner after saying something that may be hurtful or tactless during an argument. It involves the recognition of the mistake and other times just an acknowledgement of the other person's feelings.
There are parts of the books that also explore forms of neglect and emotional immaturity during conflict. This includes giving the silent treatment or avoiding difficult conversations with a partner to avoid conflict. Really all this does often times is wedge couples farther apart from each other. There is also decades of research that the Gottman's have done to back up their advice and claims. They have done some of the longest studies, lasting years, pertaining to predictors of divorce in married couples.
They have a website dedicated to their craft that is quite interesting:
https://www.gottman.com/about/research/
I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this, and I think the advice given can be implemented in both romantic and platonic relationships. I listened to the audiobook copy and I do recommend it as well as it is quite good.
I appreciate that the Gottman's break down the spectrum of what conflict can look like. From there, they elaborate on how mistakes can be made during conflict. It's really an exercise in understanding how to argue before you are smack in the middle of it. The Gottman's introduce the concept of repair, which I think is super helpful. I feel like a lot of self-help books focus on prevention, but don't necessarily provide tools for when mistakes are made and how to fix them. The concept of repair is essentially finding ways to emotionally connect again with a partner after saying something that may be hurtful or tactless during an argument. It involves the recognition of the mistake and other times just an acknowledgement of the other person's feelings.
There are parts of the books that also explore forms of neglect and emotional immaturity during conflict. This includes giving the silent treatment or avoiding difficult conversations with a partner to avoid conflict. Really all this does often times is wedge couples farther apart from each other. There is also decades of research that the Gottman's have done to back up their advice and claims. They have done some of the longest studies, lasting years, pertaining to predictors of divorce in married couples.
They have a website dedicated to their craft that is quite interesting:
https://www.gottman.com/about/research/
I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this, and I think the advice given can be implemented in both romantic and platonic relationships. I listened to the audiobook copy and I do recommend it as well as it is quite good.
Moderate: Toxic relationship