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A review by frances_frances
My Wandering Warrior Existence by Nagata Kabi
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
To anyone who's tearing her down or calling her stupid for not understanding romantic love or sex in the same way you do, educate yourself about the asexual spectrum and/or consider the fact that other people have different thoughts, feelings, and needs than you do. If you can't do either, just pick up a different book....
This book has rather mixed reviews so while I enjoyed Nagata Kabi's previous books (especially My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness and My Alcoholic Escape from Reality), I wasn't sure what to expect.
On the surface, not much happens so I understand why some readers might not know what to make of it. But this book was way more intriguing, unique, and relatable than I anticipated.
I'm on the ace spectrum and that definitely informed my reading of this book. And while she never names aromanticism, asexuality, demisexuality or graysexuality, Nagata's experience felt like an ace story. She wants love and connection but is ambivalent about sex. She grew up understanding romantic love as a concept but until her 30's hadn't understood it as a reality or lived experience. Her unpacking these thoughts and feelings was fascinating to me (and somewhat relatable!). I haven't seen anyone discuss or explore these ideas so honestly and openly. Whether or not Nagata identifies as ace in any way, I think her experience speaks to many ace realities. Things that seem straightforward or obvious to those with romantic and/or sexual feelings may not be to those without them (or who experience those things with much less urgency or importance).
As I looked though the reviews for this book, I saw a lot of acephobia, especially in terms of infantilization. It's true that Nagata talks about sometimes having a childlike sense of the world and having interest in things the dominant culture might view as immature. However, a disinterest or ambivalence about sex and/or romantic intimacy itself does not take away one's legitimacy as an adult human. We tend to conflate sexual interest/experience with one's overall level of maturity. This is ignorant and often discriminatory.
I love Nagata's authenticity and ability to convey experiences and feelings that are often misunderstood or shied away from. You don't have to relate to someone else's experience in order to respect their humanity or see value in their perspective.
This book has rather mixed reviews so while I enjoyed Nagata Kabi's previous books (especially My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness and My Alcoholic Escape from Reality), I wasn't sure what to expect.
On the surface, not much happens so I understand why some readers might not know what to make of it. But this book was way more intriguing, unique, and relatable than I anticipated.
I'm on the ace spectrum and that definitely informed my reading of this book. And while she never names aromanticism, asexuality, demisexuality or graysexuality, Nagata's experience felt like an ace story. She wants love and connection but is ambivalent about sex. She grew up understanding romantic love as a concept but until her 30's hadn't understood it as a reality or lived experience. Her unpacking these thoughts and feelings was fascinating to me (and somewhat relatable!). I haven't seen anyone discuss or explore these ideas so honestly and openly. Whether or not Nagata identifies as ace in any way, I think her experience speaks to many ace realities. Things that seem straightforward or obvious to those with romantic and/or sexual feelings may not be to those without them (or who experience those things with much less urgency or importance).
As I looked though the reviews for this book, I saw a lot of acephobia, especially in terms of infantilization. It's true that Nagata talks about sometimes having a childlike sense of the world and having interest in things the dominant culture might view as immature. However, a disinterest or ambivalence about sex and/or romantic intimacy itself does not take away one's legitimacy as an adult human. We tend to conflate sexual interest/experience with one's overall level of maturity. This is ignorant and often discriminatory.
I love Nagata's authenticity and ability to convey experiences and feelings that are often misunderstood or shied away from. You don't have to relate to someone else's experience in order to respect their humanity or see value in their perspective.