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A review by dinohakari
Shiver by Crea Reitan
4.0
This is the first book I've read by this author, and from what I understand, her first MM, and I have to say that it was very well written.
Rakesh is a complex man. He is incredibly smart, almost a genius but even though he is not your typical nerd, far from it, he has his life planned out and completely focused around his academic achievements, not only is he doing two majors but he is also a TA. He doesn't have time, desire, or interest in relationships or anything that has to do with love or feelings. In fact, he's commitment-phobic and even keeps his few friends at arm's length. No one gets close to him, he is not interested in anyone getting close, but all this is not even caused by any trauma or family pressure or rejection or anything like that. On the contrary, his family loves him and accepts him as he is. So it's just the way he is. He's also incredibly attractive and very, very charming, so everything comes easy to him and he ends up getting bored, and the only way he fights that boredom is by challenging himself in the form of charming straight men, making them cross all the lines possible, and then once the objective is achieved, throwing them away. So we can also conclude that he is quite an asshole. But somehow, when he meets Egon, something inside him flips over.
Egon is someone much less complex than Rake. He is pretty much the opposite of Rakesh. He's kind, he loves his friends and teammates, he has a steady girlfriend. And a somewhat estranged relationship with his conservative family. Egon has a scholarship playing hockey, and while it's something he loves, it's not what he wants for his future. And though he's a hard worker, his scholarship is in jeopardy because he's struggling with some subjects so he seeks out Rakesh to tutor him. Egon is immediately drawn to Rake, although at first we see that he doesn't really realize why. He only knows there is a connection between them, that he doesn't even feel with his girlfriend, from whom he feels increasingly distanced, in fact, he doesn't even know why they're still together, he can't feel like before which confuses and upset him, not knowing how to fix it, or if it's really something he wants to fix, but he's too gentle, too kind and doesn't want to hurt her either, even if it was for his friends, she would deserve it. But when he's with Rakesh, everything inside him seems to calm down, everything that makes him doubt himself disappears. And so it is that he seeks more and more those moments they share. And it's in one of those moments where he goes to look for Rakesh that he realizes his friends were right. And now, single, with all his attention focused on Rake, he lets himself go and begins to understand what kind of attraction he feels for him.
We don't really have a moment where Egon questions his sexuality, in fact, it's not something he questions much. He just knows that when he's with Rake he feels alive in a way he never felt before. He thrives under Rake's care. Every time he praises him, Egon feels that he can fly and achieve anything he sets his mind to. And that's all that matters to him. He doesn't even want to hide it from his team or anyone, in fact, the one who tries to keep it quiet is Rakesh, despite being someone who has always been out and proud. And then, it's also Rake who ends up freaking out and pushing Egon away, without even an explanation, but thinking that Egon will be better off without someone like him by his side.
Just as throughout the book we feel close to Egon, we see how he grows and we feel his happiness enjoy him, we also feel his despair and pain when Rakesh pushes him away and cuts him off from his life. And also during the book, we went through a lot of mixed emotions when it came to Rake. He intrigues us, we like him, we love him, we hate him, we love him again? We see his internal struggle to understand himself, understand what he feels for Egon, his fears and the realization of how much damage he has done with his games. And also the guilt when he realizes how much he hurt the only man he ever loved.
And then he goes back to Egon and tries to make amends. And for the first time in his life, a person is the center of his universe and everything changes for him. And this is the part that perhaps I liked the least, because their relationship here seems forced. But despite that, I do like the ending.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.
Rakesh is a complex man. He is incredibly smart, almost a genius but even though he is not your typical nerd, far from it, he has his life planned out and completely focused around his academic achievements, not only is he doing two majors but he is also a TA. He doesn't have time, desire, or interest in relationships or anything that has to do with love or feelings. In fact, he's commitment-phobic and even keeps his few friends at arm's length. No one gets close to him, he is not interested in anyone getting close, but all this is not even caused by any trauma or family pressure or rejection or anything like that. On the contrary, his family loves him and accepts him as he is. So it's just the way he is. He's also incredibly attractive and very, very charming, so everything comes easy to him and he ends up getting bored, and the only way he fights that boredom is by challenging himself in the form of charming straight men, making them cross all the lines possible, and then once the objective is achieved, throwing them away. So we can also conclude that he is quite an asshole. But somehow, when he meets Egon, something inside him flips over.
Egon is someone much less complex than Rake. He is pretty much the opposite of Rakesh. He's kind, he loves his friends and teammates, he has a steady girlfriend. And a somewhat estranged relationship with his conservative family. Egon has a scholarship playing hockey, and while it's something he loves, it's not what he wants for his future. And though he's a hard worker, his scholarship is in jeopardy because he's struggling with some subjects so he seeks out Rakesh to tutor him. Egon is immediately drawn to Rake, although at first we see that he doesn't really realize why. He only knows there is a connection between them, that he doesn't even feel with his girlfriend, from whom he feels increasingly distanced, in fact, he doesn't even know why they're still together, he can't feel like before which confuses and upset him, not knowing how to fix it, or if it's really something he wants to fix, but he's too gentle, too kind and doesn't want to hurt her either, even if it was for his friends, she would deserve it. But when he's with Rakesh, everything inside him seems to calm down, everything that makes him doubt himself disappears. And so it is that he seeks more and more those moments they share. And it's in one of those moments where he goes to look for Rakesh that he realizes his friends were right. And now, single, with all his attention focused on Rake, he lets himself go and begins to understand what kind of attraction he feels for him.
We don't really have a moment where Egon questions his sexuality, in fact, it's not something he questions much. He just knows that when he's with Rake he feels alive in a way he never felt before. He thrives under Rake's care. Every time he praises him, Egon feels that he can fly and achieve anything he sets his mind to. And that's all that matters to him. He doesn't even want to hide it from his team or anyone, in fact, the one who tries to keep it quiet is Rakesh, despite being someone who has always been out and proud. And then, it's also Rake who ends up freaking out and pushing Egon away, without even an explanation, but thinking that Egon will be better off without someone like him by his side.
Just as throughout the book we feel close to Egon, we see how he grows and we feel his happiness enjoy him, we also feel his despair and pain when Rakesh pushes him away and cuts him off from his life. And also during the book, we went through a lot of mixed emotions when it came to Rake. He intrigues us, we like him, we love him, we hate him, we love him again? We see his internal struggle to understand himself, understand what he feels for Egon, his fears and the realization of how much damage he has done with his games. And also the guilt when he realizes how much he hurt the only man he ever loved.
And then he goes back to Egon and tries to make amends. And for the first time in his life, a person is the center of his universe and everything changes for him. And this is the part that perhaps I liked the least, because their relationship here seems forced. But despite that, I do like the ending.
I was given an advanced copy and voluntarily wrote a review.