“her little dead bird cupped in her palms. her questions about why he died. i told you it’s hard to explain death to your child, but in truth, it’s impossible to explain any of this to anyone. so we settle. for the myth of the grand plan. for the fable of the God who loves us. we teach ourselves to believe in the lie, that all of it will make sense once we die.”

“all the misery. all the blood. all these years we looked to you for salvation. but… you were the one who damned us.”

‘ “you kept your promise. you didn’t leave me”
“never”
“i am so proud of you.”
“merci,” she whispered, crying now. “papa.” ‘

“and in the end, if she was well, then all was well.”

“the scream my brother let out then was like no sound i have ever heard. it was not fury. it was not fear. it was… heartbreak. perfect and awful and complete. it was the scream of a man who had dragged himself back from the very edge of despair, now plummeting into darkness. it was the scream of a man who had wagered everything - his heart, his souls, his sanity - on never failing someone who loved him again.
it was the scream of the damned.”

oh this book. this book tore of my heart, beat it, tortured it, laughed at it, spit on it, broke it, and gifted it back, received with tears.
something about a father and daughter bond will always break me, and this sure did. nothing will beat my love for these characters, and no love will beat the love i feel for gabriel and dior.