I've been really exploring poly relationships in fiction lately. The idea really appeals to me, emotionally and relationally. And the variety of ways these relationships can look, the different styles of love, is fascinating. I mean, if we are being honest, who doesn't want deep connections and support with more people? And the chance to "share the load" (as it were - sorry for the LOTR reference, iykyk - I can't help it) as needed. Anyways, the point is, from my perspective: big yes to poly love. So, I was super excited to start seeing bookstagram posts about this book, a legit main-stream romance publication featuring a poly threesome. When I saw it being offered on NetGalley as an eArc I jumped on it so fast - and was hype to have been granted access. 

 

Mel is a bartender at Terror & Virtue, a swanky New York City cocktail. And that's pretty much her life, as her recovery from divorce has been...not going well. But, that all changes when Bebe walks into the bar. They have an instant connection that Mel decides to take a gamble on, when Bebe offers to take her on a date, since she and her wife, Kade, have an open marriage. Things progress pretty quickly, emotionally and physically, and quite soon, Mel finds herself in over her head (or at least, that's what it feels like) with Bebe. And not just with Bebe. Despite thinking Kade hated her, it turns out, they just express themselves in a much more subdued way. And the attraction/connection between Mel and Kade morphs into something greater as well. So, of course, then all three must figure out how they fit together in a way that works for each/all. At the same time, Mel is facing some low-key terrible workplace admin changes and enters a cocktail competition that has the potential to completely change her future. Honestly there are a lot of things going on that could completely change Mel's life...and all for the better, if she can figure them out. Fingers crossed.
 
 Alright y'all. It is with a *very* heavy heart that I say: I have extremely mixed feelings on this book. Now, to be fair, there is a chance I had really built it up in my head before starting, because I was so excited about it, and therefore my expectations were too high. Like, that's totally possible. And yet...here I am, heartbroken that I didn't just all out love it. Now, give me a chance to explain my feelings through this review to decide to give it a try (or not) yourself, because my reactions were so mixed, that if the things I did love (the plot, the pacing, the writing) appeal to you, then I would absolutely suggest giving it a go. Because maybe what I didn't love (the chemistry) was a me problem and wouldn't affect you in the slightest. 

 

So, the things I loved. The setup was great. Mel as a bartender, the cocktail competition, her life plans, her relationship with her roomie/coworker/bestie Daniel, etc. I enjoyed some of the tropes too, like Mel and Kade getting snowed in together. I was super into all the art (and the inclusive look at what "counts" as art) and all the tattoos. The spicy scenes were few, but they were diverse (as far as preferences/light kinks), and well written. Towards the end, when Mel (finally) faces and gets closure with her ex-wife, I loved that it was satisfyingly "take that," but also mature. And, of course, I loved the poly relationship that was central: the complexity of figuring out what that means for each involved party and how there is no prescription for how to be poly; it's as varied and diverse as the people in the relationship. Beautiful and accepting and heart-filling. And just really, the general plot and pacing and storytelling were all smooth and compelling. 

 

The things I wasn't as into. Or, to be most clear, the one thing that was also big enough that it affected everything: the chemistry. I honestly never bought into Mel and Bebe and Kade. And to be clear, because I want to be very clear about this, it's not because it's queer and poly. I honestly couldn't really buy into any of the paired off combinations either. I felt the Bebe/Mel spark right away, but it fizzled quickly for me and never came back. I feel like there was a lot of telling me the characters were attracted to each other and cared for each other. And if I'm being honest, quite a few times their actions absolutely followed that up. But the depth of believability in their connections - especially the deeper emotional ones, which are personally super important as far as investment in their outcomes - just never clicked for me. Maybe it's because it's told from Mel's perspective, and she's the one that's a little walled off, unsure if she's good enough/can handle the situation, spending all her time questioning, to such an extreme that, when she finally "gives in," as it were, it didn't feel right. Too fast of a switch? Maybe not enough reasoning why? And since she wasn't super impulsive prior, it just felt off. I mean, all her choices prove she's emotionally involved, and wants it all...so I don't know why I didn't feel it when she finally decided with her brain to follow what her heart was already doing. But the plain truth is, I didn't. As a small addition to this, I felt like the socioeconomic differences between Mel and Bebe/Kade were defensively/bitterly brought up in conversations a number of times, but never actually addressed, and in my heart of hearts, I feel like that's going to be a point of stress moving forwards. Oh, and I really felt uncomfortable with the way Mel talked to/thought about Kade's emotions/reactions. It felt a bit close-minded and I know it was likely from her own discomfort, but I was annoyed that Bebe never did much to help ease that for either side and that, while Mel was willing to publicly fight for Kade, she also never really did much to question her own assumptions about them. That felt, not great, to me. 

 

So here we are. The greater framework and story and relationship vibes were exactly what I wanted and I enjoyed the hell out of them. And the title and cover are damn gorgeous. But I didn't vibe with the actual three individuals that were a part of this story and relationship. I wish I felt different. I look forward to reading more (including backlist) from Alexander though - the promise is there!