Nope nope nope nope
It's like the author made it a challenge for himself to see how much suffering can he make his protagonist go through. As a cis person I can't judge the realness of protagonist's thoughts in the same way a trans person could, but the way author choose to call his makeshift binder a 'cilice' is just...
Tw rape
At one point the protagonist is held captive along with another woman and then, when their captor goes to rape the said woman, offers himself instead. It was so random and out of the blue. The whole thing had no relation to the plot other than just to add more misery to the protagonist.