Let me hype myself up before I write this one.

Another absurdly overhyped book. Everyone tells me this series is good and the later books are better. I don't doubt it. I don't think Ana is a bad writer, her writing is tolerable and sometimes even enjoyable. Can't say the same thing for her characters.

NOTHING in this book or even it's cover are congruent. Ana thought it would be fun to attempt every single trope in the history of the universe with a single story, so you can't really tell if this is a romcom, a dark romance or just a joke.

You get brother's best friend, neighbor, nightmare tropes, who did this to you, my parents died or tried to kill me, ex psycho boyfriend, billionaire CEO who doesn't date, grumpy-sunshine, family members who want to steal your money and not a single one of these were executed properly. I honestly felt like I was watching a Spanish telenovela.

However, I HAVE TO MENTION the best trope of all. The one that brought tears to my eyes. The "I AM NOT LIKE OTHER GUYS!!!!!" but I will talk exactly like Christian Grey every time I get the chance. (so he kind is like one guy)

Alex, our main character. CEO, billionaire, with an IQ of 190, hates beer, he is not scared of anything, not even bears. Won't kiss during sex, because he hates intimacy. He hates birthdays because everyone has one. He thinks everyone wants him for his magnificent shlong. He has been controlling his family's company since he was 14, because he was always knew he would be CEO one day and his uncle would listen to his 14 YEAR OLD DEMANDS. He also slut shames his own friends.

IT IS LIKE I AM READING THE WORST TINDER BIO EVER WRITTEN. But yet quite possible to exist out there somewhere, the bio under some guy named Rey who lives in Florida and is a republican who hates women.

He also says people feared him at 11, because his parents were killed and he swore revenge. It's like a wish version of Batman. Except Batman is actually cool.

He apparently had a therapist after his parents died. Someone PLEASE GO TAKE THAT GUY'S license, because it obviously didn't work.

Alex, and I quote: "Is not a TOY, so don't play with him unless you want to get hurt" WHAT KIND OF FUCKING TOYS WERE YOU PLAYING WITH WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD YOU PSYCOPATH.

But yeah, Alex's broken record was to please: "stop trying to humanize me, I am your bad guy." He also guarantees people that "biological reactions can be mastered"

Good fucking luck next time you have to sneeze BRO. Hope you don't fucking explode

Our female main character was the SUNSHINE OF THE PARTY! The most giggly adorable girl who apparently "fucks like a porn star" (this author had a really really really weird obsession with porn stars since she mentioned them not once, but four times during her entire book)

Our FMC had her own mother try to drown her, then proceeded to kill herself from guilt. Her ex cheated on her multiple times, abused her physically BUT SHE IS SUUUUUUUUUCH A SUNSHINE and all she needs is to get dicked down to still see the good in people. Fuck therapy.

It's so hilarious that in the desperate need to make this book a tiktok sensation... she added so many things that absolutely don't go together for the sake of hype, but guess what? Tiktok is that predictable. She succeeded.

Now, moving on to the sex scenes. Probably the most hilarious thing I have ever read in my life. Christian Grey comparison aside, we get the most AMAZING LINES I HAVE EVER READ in my book blogger career.

"I am turning you into my fuck doll" (?????????????? I mean if you want her unresponsive... I have something to tell ya...We might need to call you a new therapist, or maybe get you into jail. I haven't decided yet.)

He literally describes the view of her on his bed as a: "sacrificial virgin waiting defilement"

Every time she puts her hand on his dick, she "can feel the power it emanates". I mean, by all means, put a cape on it and give it a marvel contract.

Well, anyways... a bunch of stupid things happen, this book is MASSIVELY long for some UNKNOWN reason, just like Alex's penis. Near the end, our HEROOOOO threatens the mean girl to destroy HER company, because he has that sort of power, if she doesn't tell him where his girlfriend is. It has the same energy as: "my daddy is a lawyer" in third grade.

It pains me to say this entire review constitutes of quotes from this book, because honestly? It's all I needed. It's embarrassing enough on it's own. I hardly did any work here.

Maybe I will read the next one since you guys love it so much, let's see.

Anyways, my stomach hurts from laughing.

*wipes sweat off brows*