The thing about kids is that they don't listen. I didn't listen much to my parents, my son doesn't listen much to me. As parents, we want the best for our kids, but realistically we can't just make them do it. And as a parallel, as a former academic, if professors could really indoctrinate their students, the first thing they'd do is indoctrinate them to read the goddamn syllabus!

While kids don't hear the words you're saying, with adults coming through as a kind of Charlie Brownish wurble, they are very adept at hearing the tone that you use. Mogel has a lot to say about being steady, calm, and curious, all of which are good advice. Don't yell, don't hector, don't use sarcasm, and leave room for love and understanding to emerge.

The flipside is that this slow/gentle approach works great when things are good, I'm not sure how well it works when things are bad. As parents we all have moments when we are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or otherwise not putting our best foot forward. My son is three, so our conflicts have been over things like baths and potty training, which are in the grand scope of things pretty minor. While life is often rocky, what if you have a teenager who's seriously depressed, failing classes, and hanging out with the worst crowd?

A large portion of this book is sectioned by girls and boys, and talking to mom or dad. As a therapist, Mogel has seen a lot of families, so I'm moderately confident her stereotypes are more grounded in numbers than gut feelings, but this book is still based heavily on gender stereotypes.