This was my first audio "book", and I won't lie to you and say "I didn't listen to this because I'm gay for Andrew Scott!!" because I very much did go into it with that mindset. That being said, I love Andrew Scott's villain performances, but as I was laying in my room at 1 am in intentional-complete-darkness with my noise cancelling headphones on and my eyes closed (I took immersive a bit too seriously), listening to the final 40 mins of this. I felt my skin crawl, like I was afraid to move, as if I was paralyzed, every second was horrifying and I loved it.

Regardless of Andrew though, I love books that pull apart at themes that feel so fucking relevant right now. I essentially went in blind. I was wary of audio books because I love tangible books, my partner prefers audiobooks and so with such a impressive cast (Tom Hardy and Chukwudi Iwuji are also actors I really love to see/hear) I gave in. Originally I intended to read the book first then listen, but time got away from me and I just went for it. I'm so glad I did, I reacted so naturally, the twists and fear of not knowing what would happen next was exhilarating!! I'm now reading the physical copy to underline my favorite lines and take notes, but I'm so grateful to myself for listening first. I have to say Andrew Garfield really blew me away, his talent, his emotion, he really embodied Winston in a way I can't quite put into words. I'm trying and even now I'm floored by how talented he is. He brought the story to life.

Also the music, the two composers (one of which is the frontman of Muse) for the soundtrack score really hit different. I love 80s music, specifically New Wave synth. The moment when those synthesizers hit my ears I knew they understood the assignment. I did some research and not only was this recorded at Abbey Road Studios (I'm a Beatles fan) but they used real synthesizers from the 80s!! With the intention of capturing nostalgia and looking towards the future in one cohesive sound.

Finally back to the bare bones of this story. Totalitarianism, fascism, a oppressive, manipulative government, censorship?? Why does it all feel so familiar. I think what I couldn't stop thinking about was the work being done in the Ministry of Truth. The way history, records of event, books, films, poems, all get destroyed and replaced by something The Party deems appropriate. I couldn't stop thinking about book bans, book burnings, and the censorship of history in schools. Something very prevalent in my current state. I even spoke to my parents about this book and book bans and even they were gaslighting me, saying "it's for the best" and that "it's to protect children/the next generation".

I really understood how Winston was feeling, being surrounded by individuals who are so blind to what is in front of them or actively choose to repeat harmful rhetoric to push that ideology. It's torturous.