This book hurt. A lot. And if you’ve read Atonement, or watched the film adaptation, then you know what I’m talking about.

Thirteen-year-old Briony, an aspiring writer, witnesses a tense moment between her older sister Cecilia, and the son of their house cleaner Robbie. The two of them were by the fountain, and Briony watched from her bedroom window as Cecilia seemingly strips off all of her clothes and wades into the fountain while Robbie stands and stares at her. Briony is horrified that Robbie could make her sister do such a thing. In that moment, Robbie transforms from a dear friend to a villain in her eyes. Briony does not fully understand what happened, but her vivid imagination has already created a narrative that made sense to her.

This scene also has a profound effect on young  Briony. This is the moment she realizes that other people have real, private, inner lives too, and they’re not just characters in her life’s story. To her, this is what it feels like to be “a grown-up.” But as much as Briony thinks she understands everything, she doesn’t have the full picture.

Then a crime happens. Her cousin Lola is assaulted, but it was dark and she didn’t see her attacker. Briony didn’t see him clearly either, but she was utterly convinced that it was Robbie. Briony tells her mother, and she tells the police, and the lawyers. Everyone is horrified and Cecilia is outraged, but Briony remains unswayed in her convictions. Robbie maintains his innocence, but Cecilia is the only person who believes him.

While the story opens when Briony is thirteen, we also see her as an adult. We also get a glimpse into Robbie’s life, and how Briony’s actions altered the course of his existence. We see him as a soldier, clinging to his memories of Cecilia as he struggles to survive the war and get back to her alive. We see the two lovers reunite and make plans for the future. 

 The book is called Atonement for a reason. Adult Briony now recognizes her mistake and realizes who actually attacked Lola that night. She attempts to make things right, tell the truth, and restore Robbie’s reputation. But the damage was already done and Robbie’s life was ruined. There isn’t much she can do.

To me, the book asks how much guilt can be placed on a child. How much can we account for youth when the words of a child have already done so much damage? How much blame can we put on her, and how much on the adults around her? How can she rectify things as she becomes an adult and gains a better understanding of the events of that fateful night? Does she deserve forgiveness? Robbie and Cecilia have lived with the consequences of Briony’s actions. Can they grant her the forgiveness she seeks? Does Briony truly seek atonement, or is she doing this for more selfish reasons to ease her conscience? 

 It is easy to paint Briony as the villain in this story, especially because what she did caused so much pain and suffering. But there were other forces at play. Lola and Briony came from rich backgrounds. And because Robbie is from a lower socioeconomic class, authorities fixate on him as a suspect, especially when Briony is so vocal about seeing Robbie attack Lola.

There is also Lola’s silence. If Lola later realized who her actual attacker was, she didn’t say anything and condemned Robbie to his fate. Briony’s family, who has sponsored Robbie’s education and considered him part of the family, turned their backs on him. Cecilia alone believed in Robbie’s innocence, causing a rift in the family that was never repaired. 

The book also plays with the concept of perspective. Young Briony sees something, but her understanding of it changes as she grows older. We also see her in her old age, and she again looks back on the events of her life with this sense of acceptance and finality. Then there is also Cecilia and Robbie’s side of the story and their perspectives. Everything that happened between them, realizing the truth of their feelings for each other, their shared belief of the true culprit of that fateful night. And then of course, there is the author’s perspective. As the writer of the story, you would like to believe everything they write. But how much of it is real, and how much is wishful thinking? Which parts present the truth, and which parts serve the writer’s agenda? Does it matter? Or are good intentions enough of a justification? 

There’s a reveal right at the end that I won’t spoil in case you want to read Atonement. But when I read that part I needed a moment to take it in. After everything that happened, that part hurt. It also leads you to question everything, just as Briony herself has questions.