"It feels like shit to be alone. To be in a place full of people and feel like they don't want you there. To feel like you're at a part you weren't invited to. No one even knows your name. No one wants to. No one cares."

Friends, this review is going to get a little personal. I could go on and on about how this book blew my mind because of it's connection to the world of [b:Corrupt|21981841|Corrupt (Devil's Night, #1)|Penelope Douglas|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1398947518l/21981841._SY75_.jpg|41292505], or because the romance was perfectly flawed and refreshingly damaged, but I'm going to go in a slightly different direction with this space and touch on a somewhat minor portion of the book, but one that felt major to me: bullying.

"Eventually we all have to weigh what we want more: wanting back what we had or wanting what could be. To stay or to risk everything to move forward."

So many people have a similar story to tell, but here's mine: Growing up, my family was poor. I was a scholarship student at a local private school, and my parents sacrificed everything just to pay for the supplemental costs associated with attending said school. I didn't have the designer clothes, vacation homes, or flashy cars that my peers did, so I tried my best to keep people away from my life outside of school and blend in as best as possible. While I was by no means high on the list of popularity when I first arrived, there was a girl who immediately stuck out to me as the kid who was bullied. Let's call her Jane: she was unfortunate enough to be saddled with a last name that sounded dirty, a severely obese mother amongst a sea of nipped and tucked parents, and physical features that we all know teenagers love to unfairly torture their fellow students over.

Jane was unceasingly bullied throughout high school, basically to the point of it becoming Carrie style. The scenes involving Manny in this book reminded me SO much of Jane, and the final section where Ryen and Manny have an insightful connection in the bathroom brought back so many feelings. What if, instead of burning myself out by becoming the chair of every committee, Senior class president, and overall overachiever to hide every part of me that I was embarrassed of, I had taken a stand like Ryen? Sure, I never bullied her, but I might as well have by not taking a stand and screaming "enough!"

The sad part of this story is that a rumor went around that Jane had taken her life, and she's become a permanent resident inside my mental box of regrets. I've never told anyone this, but multiple times a year I log onto social media to search for her and see if maybe she's just been in hiding, and if maybe I can write a letter to Jane to apologize for not being what she needed, but her internet presence has stayed absent since her high school facebook was removed. That was a lot of word vomit, but basically what I'm saying is, this book could very well change the course of multiple people's lives, either by giving a friend the courage to reach out to someone who is hurting, or by telling someone who is being bullied that "You are important, and you can't be replaced. Hang on." Alright, moving on...

"I miss you every day, I write. You're my favorite place."

Honestly, I saw so many people raving about this book, and I was preparing myself for not loving it as much as the hype crowd. I was so wrong! Even when I thought I had some of the twists figured out, I realized they were red herrings that the author deliberately placed to distract me into thinking that I was clever, when in fact I was not. It was so refreshing being back in the same world as some of my favorite characters from the Devil's Night series, but it was great seeing this book stand on its own with complex characters and a memorable storyline. P Doug really took a chance by writing a heroine that is initially so unlikable, but grows into a completely new person throughout the course of the plot.

If you're late to the party like I am, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I think it'll remain amongst my favorites, and it's one I'd like to revisit again in the future. <3