"I try to say, I mean to say, but I can't form the words, can't understand what to do with the sound of my own voice."

I'm Not Hungry but I Could Eat by Christopher Gonzalez was a delightful yet though-provoking collection of stories that I will never forget. With these stories, Gonzalez dissects the idea of appetite and reimagines it not just as hunger tied to food but as it's own character in with varying motivations. Appetite is the thread that tethers this collection together and challenges what you think you know about hunger. 

In 'Packed White Spaces' the protagonists hungers to be seen and to show up as his authentic self rather than to be constrained by the white gaze. This was one of my favorite stories because it pokes fun at white minimalism and exposes it for what it really is: white privilege. Many marginalized people can't choose minimalism. It is forced on them because of capitalism, poverty and corporate greed. This one also tackles fatphobia and its relationship to wealth, as well as the pervasiveness in queer communities. 

In 'A Mountain of Invertebrates', you see how poverty forces you to feign an appetite because it forces you to not waste food. This conditioning shows up in romantic relationships when dating and you force yourself to eat food you dont even enjoy in social settings due to your own appetite for love. 

In 'Better Than All That', you see that even gay or bisexual men are participants in toxic masculinity when they have no safe spaces to come out as their ture sexual identity. This appetite for acceptance, unrequited love and authenticity often harms other queer people. You also see appetite show up as longing to be seen by a stranger and be "chosen". 

'Little Moves' tackles the fatphobia and homophobia in families and the ways that you have to reconcile good memories while acknowledging the ways that someone also harmed you and forced you to hide within yourself. In this one, appetite shows up as a choice to either become your authentic self or remain longing for change and acceptance that will never come. 

Every story adds layers to the notion of appetite in unique ways. Some delve into the speculative, and others delve into ridiculousness that will have you laughing out loud and questioning the purpose of life. This was Gonzalez's debut novel, but this collection read like the work of a well seasoned writer. Gonzalez is a queer voice that I look forward to reading more from in the future. His writing was poetic and his narrative voice commands attention and will rightfully take up space in literary forums. If you're looking for a story collection that features bisexual men in ordinary situations but gives you thought-provoking prose, then  give this one a try. Overall, it was a thoughtful, genre bending collection that will take from the mundane and weird and includes a jaw-dropping twist you won't see coming. Christopher Gonzalez is a star on the rise and I cannot wait to see what else is on the horizon with his work.