"Who are you being strong for? Which was really 'who are you enduring pain for?' It's been for everyone else but me. If I've endured it, it's because I didn't want to be a bother. Didn't want to disappoint. I used to think strength was about proving proving all the things I could do, but maybe it's also about voicing the things I can't. Saying I don't want this. For myself and my own body." 

Breathe and Count Back From Ten by Natalia Sylvester crept its way into every crevice of my beating heart. It was a love song dedicated to all the ways that we long to be seen, the ways we show up for ourselves, the ways we reclaim our bodies, the ways we gain power in our voices through body autonomy and the ways that we try to be strong for everyone but ourselves through upholding harmful aspects of culture. The writing was exquisite and there were so many passages that cut so deeply and made me outwardly exclaim "YES! YES! YES!" Parts of it felt so personal and I could tell that Natalia poured years worth of emotions onto these pages. She captured the latinx culture, immigrant experience, as well as, bicultural and disability identities in such an authentic and honest way. Overall, this was a moving and beautiful read that everyone needs to pick up immediately. 

Sylvester's story dropped so many gems of truth about: 

🧜🏽‍♀️ disability and body autonomy
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the ways we use strength to cope and maneuver around other's discomfort
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the importance of disabled people's being active participants in decisions made about their own bodies
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the ways ableism structure daily interactions and erase disabled people
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the complexities about Latinx identity and the expectations placed on children of immigrants
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the harmful ways patriarchy, machismo, and ableism show up in the Latinx community
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the inner conflict of growing up bicuktural
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the way voices are silenced in discussions where they should be at the forefront
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the ways women are never believed when it comes to what they feel in their own bodies
 🧜🏽‍♀️ the ways that others limit disabled people's capabilities 

Thanks to @clarionbooks for the gifted copy. If you are looking for an own voices story with honest and heartfelt representation, look no further. Being a diverse reader means actively reading and promoting intersectional identities and this one is a great example of voices that need to be amplified and promoted more often.