Dialogue was impersonal—more than once I said to myself, no one would talk like this, even in a fictional world. 

There were far too many unnecessary adjectives to explain the scenes, tone, and mood. It really took away from what the author intended the mood to be, and robbed the story of any entertaining weight. 

There were metaphors the author used—which were good metaphors—but then they explained them. This not only took away the impact of the metaphor, but further made the overall story less engaging.

I want to believe the author meant well, but it almost seemed like she didn’t trust her readers to understand the world she was building for them.