My birth first and middle name are in this book. I, too, was always told the story of -, and whenever someone asks what my name means I tell them how it goes and they say "Wow" because what else is there to say? It's horrific to hear about how awfully this woman was treated and thankfully, no one ever told me this story to justify staying in an unhealthy relationship because I probably would have internalized that just as strongly as I did any other religious teachings. They only used it as a reminder to never compromise my beliefs and to "keep the faith". And I suppose I'm a lot like my namesake in that I have. But what they don't tell you is that it's never as easy as it sounds.

I was always slightly indifferent to my birth name. I went to an Islamic school from 4th-6th grade and people never pronounced my name the same way twice or the exact way I wanted them to. My father says it perfectly and he's a person I barely think about unless reminded. Most Arabic speakers say it the way I prefer but there's also something deeply southern about how my family says it - we are southern people - so it was all I knew. It felt like home. I don't remember a time when I didn't know the story of the Pharaoh's wife but I remember learning that the name also meant "healer" in middle school. Interestingly enough, that was when I discovered Sy and felt rediscovered.

I write about it in many poems but: who heals the healer? If Asiyah has patience and grace and perseveres after being tortured and put through the wringer in a multitude of ways, then who is up to the task of taking her in their arms and providing care so eye-watering that it could give her the space to be hurt? In a lot of the stories in the Quran, you have to fill in the blanks of hurt, especially for women. And there are fifteen thousand ways that I have been hurt over the years - by my Muslim family and by my Muslim community. Still, I have faith and I will not give up what I know to be true: we need each other. We have to let go of the shame that we teach to our children about what we perceive as wrongness - it is only a difference of God's creation.

Though, overwhelmingly, there is love here. I know that the healer is not just my destiny, but my permission to be loved. So I am ready to be rediscovered again. To be sheltered somewhere only those who say my name softly can find me. So, thank you, ---. What a beautiful gift to give to me. I will try to use it wisely.