From the introduction we learn that when Tolstoy found out that The Contemporary had published Childhood as The Story of My Childhood wrote to Nekrasev that it contradicted his work because as Tolstoy put it “who cares about my childhood?” I love him for saying that as many people feel they are of great importance and don’t have the self awareness to realize that their own personal history may not be as fascinating to others.

“Childhood” is considered the groundwork for Tolstoy’s later literary masterpieces, as said by 

Rosengrant, [introduction pg. xxx]

“…the work in which he took those first steps, the one in which he laid the groundwork for the great edifice that would follow, was, of course, the trilogy. The trilogy allows us to see Tolstoy’s preoccupations as an artist and thinker in their initial form; it shows us, as perhaps no other work of his can, how those preoccupations developed, how his ideas about human nature and the world first engaged the world and then were changed and modified by his growing experience of it - …”

In “Childhood” we are introduced to Karl Ivanych, the children’s tutor who is dismissed when the kids will move to Moscow. Karl is so distraught since he has invested his whole life in the children’s tutelage that he tells their Papa that he’d rather continue serving free of pay than to leave the children. My heart bled but Papa allowed him to go with them to Moscow. 

The hierarchy of social classes is apparent throughout all of “Childhood”, we have the faithful Natalya Savishna being denied marriage and accused of ungratefulness for being in love. We have Nikolenka shaming Natalya when she reprimands him for soiling tablecloths, he acts highly offended and reminds her that he is the little master. 

Penguin classics copy has very useful footnotes, information that readers of Tolstoy’s time would’ve possessed so jrs been immensely helpful to understand why the characters do what they do. For example, when Nikolenka, his father, and his siblings are preparing for their journey it is mentioned several times that the serfs kissed Papa on the shoulder. Footnotes state this was a custom of the times to exhibit respect and acknowledge their dependent status. Further insight into how aware Tolstoy was of the different castes, being of nobility himself. Not to mention the backstory Natalya is given and Nikolenka’s reception of her. How he never questioned her love and never imagined it otherwise yet Natalya Savishna gave her entire life to the family and the kids simply expected it. What I know of Tolstoy’s childhood I wonder if he was reminiscing on his own family serfs and became aware he never appreciated their love and devotion.

Tolstoy described this trilogy as an “awkward of fiction and facts”, Nikolenka describes his features as plain and more than once says he is not an attractive boy and that even his mother tells him so. It pains me to wonder if this part is fact and Tolstoy’s mother told him he was unattractive. He wrote this in his early twenties and his ability to showcase human emotions even that if a young boy, is just the beginning of his talent.

When Nikolenka is reflecting on how he genuinely feels about his mothers death I noticed Tolstoy described his shame about being curious about other things and not being engrossed in his grief. I think this confusion in children surrounding death is familiar and made the chapter feel very true to Nikolenka’s childhood. 

Natalya Savishna is described as feeling the most grief over Maman’s death, Tolstoy says of her “grief affected her so powerfully that she found it unnecessary to hide her ability to deal with other things. She wouldn’t even have understood where such an idea could have come from.“ Later at her death Tolstoy writes “ she accomplished the best and greatest thing in this life: she died without regret or fear.“ I just love these quotations, their insightfulness into human emotion is captivating.

When Grandmother is experiencing grief Tolstoy writes that “only those capable of strong love can experience strong grief, but the very need to love serves as a counterweight to their grief and heals them.” Another magnificent quote on human emotion.

Tolstoy continues to describe intricate feelings and stages of growing up. Nikolenka in this phase begins to be self-aware of his family’s privilege and wealth and that not everyone else has the same opportunities. He describes idiosyncrasies of characters that you feel like you know them, or at least a person just like them. Of Katenka “it was her habit to explain everything as a necessity of fate whenever she didn’t know what to say.” 

Another prominent theme in Tolstoy’s work is the hierarchy of social classes and the harsh lives the people in lower positions have to endure. Karl Ivanych especially, his life he’s been made to feel he doesn’t belong, now after years of faithful service he’s been disposed of. 

Sibling relationships between Nikolenka and Volodya, Nikolenka and his sister Lyuboshka are analyzed to perfection. I know exactly what the characters are feeling. 

Between Volodya and Nikolenka, Nikolenka constantly feels that Volodya is ashamed of him. Ashamed of his childishness, of everything he says and does. Meanwhile, when the kids are playing a game Nikolenka is time after time the one left out. His sister Lyubochka makes sure to pick him and Nikolenka knows it. This looking out for each other without having to verbalize it is characteristic of siblings.

Volodya’s friend, Nekhlyudov is described as witty and charismatic. Nikolenka hates him for this. Or really he hates that he always goes mute around him and fantasizes about proving that he too is just as clever as Nekhlyudov. 

Overall, this awkward phase of boyhood is expertly described. I can remember my own awkward stage and know those toxic thoughts of self-consciousness. 

When Tolstoy sent Youth for editing to Alexander Druzhinin for editing where Druzhinin said of Tolstoy’s writing “every one of your defects has its part of strength and beauty, and nearly every one of your merits contains within it a kernel of your defects” 

Youth was the best part of this three-part book. Nikolenka is in the middle of the awkward teenage years, his self-awareness and insecurity are cringeworthy. 

Yet Tolstoy has such a way of human nuances and our selfish thought process when doing good. For example: 

Nikolenka of suppressing his anger “…my mood made even milder by the thought that in suppressing my vexation and helping him I was doing good.”

Nikolenka in Youth spends much time daydreaming about “walking into a room, everyone fighting for his attention and everyone being grateful to him for one thing or another.” 

His desire to be noticed, important and revered are common themes throughout the last section yet Nikolenka describes his older brother cringing each time he spoke around his friends. I wondered if it what Nikolenka thought he saw his brother do was accurate or if it was his insecurity that had him believing his brother felt ashamed of him. 

Nikolenka develops a strong friendship with Dmitry and his family. He spends most of his time visiting with them and states he “feels that everyone speaks to him with respect and seriously”. He mentioned various times that he feels ugly and now where he’s being noticed he experiences feelings of imposter syndrome; it can’t possibly be him with whom the family is conversing.

Further cringeworthy coming-of-age phases he describes are his propensity to “utter ridiculous lies which are obviously false” in his youth and he never quite understood why and how on various occasions says what he believes will make him appear interesting even if he does the thing he just claimed to despise!  Characteristic of youth, that insecurity of wanting to be someone you’re not. Later Tolstoy writes after Nikolenka announces his negative comment “I said, wishing to show that I had my own opinion about everything”. Tolstoy’s description of human nature floors me, especially because he described the trilogy as an “awkward compilation of fact and fiction” so at least some of this insecurity and desire to be noticed have to be what Tolstoy experienced growing up. Youth ends with an allusion to part 4 which Tolstoy never wrote: intended to be titled Youth: Manhood.

I had never heard of this Tolstoy until my group of bookish friends began a buddy read for it. I jumped in and am so glad I did because like the translator, Judson Rosengrant, mentions in the introduction, this is the stepping stone for Tolstoy’s literary masterpieces.