This is the first time I voluntarily DNF a book and it makes me feel like I've failed somehow, but I just can't do this to myself for another 200 pages.

This book is marvelously written. If I've managed to hold on this long it's been because of the sheer quality of Yanagihara's writing. Seriously. My not finishing this has nothing to do with how good it is. But it became such a hard read, I just couldn't bear it. Last night it came to a point where the prospect of continuing seemed unbearable, and when I asked myself "do I want to keep going?", the honest answer was "no".

One thing I want to highlight here is: don't disregard the trigger warnings for this book. If you have any, do yourself a favor and have a good look at it. They all apply. It's a very, very graphic book. I'm a person of few triggers, and those I have I generally manage with little discomfort, but A Little Life had me struggling like I hadn't in years.

I've cried and felt sick and despairing from the start, and yet there were moments of the uttermost tenderness there as well, and I always had hope that those moments would shine through. Sadly, they didn't, especially after page 250 or so. They were so fleeting, they were barely there. That, in my opinion, is the one thing the book is lacking: hope. I kept wondering, can a human being survive for so long without having any hope to hold on to? I personally don't think so. I will concede that perhaps the intention is not to be realistic here, but to do an artistic exploratory exercise on the vast possibilities of human misery. And if that's the case, I applaud it — it is indeed a masterpiece. I just don't want to witness it any longer.