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A review by jeremychiasson
I'm Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya
5.0
A short, personal and powerful book, “I’m Afraid of Men” is like if “We Should All Be Feminists” was trans inclusive and less heteronormative. Canadian artist Vivek Shraya draws upon her experiences to illustrate the many subtle (and not so subtle) ways misogyny rears its ugly head in our society. She also laments that seemingly the only way to get the attention of complacent white liberals is to share sensational stories of violence and trauma, perpetrated against women, people of colour and trans folk.
Being raised/socialized as a boy, Shraya has an uncommon experience of being shamed as a kid for being “too girly”, to now being shamed for “not being girly enough” as a trans women. She draws on her own upbringing and experiences to critique the harmful consequences of socializing boys to be violent, to ridicule the feminine, and to consume and take up as much space as possible, even if it’s at the expense of people who have very little space of their own.
I did appreciate how the author didn’t just wag her finger at the bad old men, but also examined how women reinforce misogyny (the girl who giggled and egged on the boy spitting on Vivek), and how Shraya’s own early male privilege (She’s a trans women who was raised/socialized as a boy) blinded her to some of her own misogynistic behaviours and ideas in her twenties.
Drawing on her own religious/cultural background, Shraya also suggests a few ways we can learn to reform masculinity and restore balance, as she points to the many non-Western/non Judeo-Christian cultures/religions that honour/respect femininity (She leans heavily on the Hindu religion in these examples, since this is what she was raised with).
This book was especially effective in the audiobook form, since the author narrates, and so you feel like you’re having a heart-to-heart with her. Shraya heightens the intimate, conversational effect of her storytelling with perspective. She shares her experience in the first person but addresses you, the reader in a knowing way, as if you were the different people in the story who spit on her, or dated her, or sent her creepy messages on social media. I found this to be strangely effective, simultaneously placing me inside the head of both the author and the other.
Overall this was an incredibly nuanced and thoughtful book that gave me a lot to consider.
Being raised/socialized as a boy, Shraya has an uncommon experience of being shamed as a kid for being “too girly”, to now being shamed for “not being girly enough” as a trans women. She draws on her own upbringing and experiences to critique the harmful consequences of socializing boys to be violent, to ridicule the feminine, and to consume and take up as much space as possible, even if it’s at the expense of people who have very little space of their own.
I did appreciate how the author didn’t just wag her finger at the bad old men, but also examined how women reinforce misogyny (the girl who giggled and egged on the boy spitting on Vivek), and how Shraya’s own early male privilege (She’s a trans women who was raised/socialized as a boy) blinded her to some of her own misogynistic behaviours and ideas in her twenties.
Drawing on her own religious/cultural background, Shraya also suggests a few ways we can learn to reform masculinity and restore balance, as she points to the many non-Western/non Judeo-Christian cultures/religions that honour/respect femininity (She leans heavily on the Hindu religion in these examples, since this is what she was raised with).
This book was especially effective in the audiobook form, since the author narrates, and so you feel like you’re having a heart-to-heart with her. Shraya heightens the intimate, conversational effect of her storytelling with perspective. She shares her experience in the first person but addresses you, the reader in a knowing way, as if you were the different people in the story who spit on her, or dated her, or sent her creepy messages on social media. I found this to be strangely effective, simultaneously placing me inside the head of both the author and the other.
Overall this was an incredibly nuanced and thoughtful book that gave me a lot to consider.