I reread this today as an adult, 18 years after I read it for the first time in my sixth grade library at age 11. I really appreciate that it exists. I don’t know who I would’ve been if I hadn’t read something that, for my mind at the time, was so visceral and confronting something real. Sure, it’s not the most engaging story and, as an adult, certainly not as traumatic and bloody as I remember it being back then. But, like - is that not the problem? 

So much of this shit has happened since then that now this feels tame, right? Columbine “feels tame.” It cut me to see the list in this book of school shootings circa 2000 and know how much longer it is now. As long as the world continues to soak in violence, it’s our responsibility to educate our kids about that and try to change it. My generation that grew up with this book hasn’t done it yet. Everyone thought we would. It’s hard not to be defeatist and returning to this book was a very sad, sobering experience.

I just have to believe we’ll get it right. In the meantime, though, we have to talk about it. This book did that right.

A book about mental illness and how it can have consequences with the wrong decisions.