I think I first heard about this book on Russell's Ink and Paper Blog's YouTube top 7 books of 2020 posted on July 7, 2020 at https://youtu.be/FC5mcUlgZnA

I added it to my TBR, and then moved it up when I saw Jenny review it on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/p/CHwCHORAWW7/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link.

Wow! This is one of those books that I wish I could re-live the experience of reading for the first time. I'm very tempted to listen to the audio version which Jenn Shapland narrates.

Wow! Wow! Wow! This was quite a unique read: and extraordinary narration of the life of the amazing Carson McCullers, through queer eyes and queer writing… or maybe many stories that spin from the life of Carson McCullers:
A fantastic account or 20th century American literature.
insights of chronic illness and alcoholism.
A book about the performance, coding, the joys, and the trauma of (queer) love.
A primer on biography as a genre, with emphasis on archiving and research.
Also, a memoir?
Also, a sort of manifesto against censorship and exploitation.
I came to this book to learn about the life of Carson, and I found myself with a wholesome reading and learning experience. If you are a (queer) fan of Carson McCullers, this is a must read!

In a general sense, this book is probably four stars. The beginning was a little slow, and sometimes I was lost in names and place. But by the middle, I was so deeply engrossed in it. I read it slowly, and the way I thought about it through the days, while I walked and cooked and did all my things, it was always on my mind. It is five stars for me, because of how it has shifted possibilities for writing about others, in structure, and in respect and out of love. Carson felt beyond real to me and will continue to live in my head. This is exactly what I needed at exactly the right time, and opened so many doors, offered so much clarity to my own process — an absolute gift of a book. I will probably never shut up about it.

Very very lovely indeed, a real joy.

I’m going to continue to pester lots of people to read this book. The hybrid genre works so well, especially having the archive as its foundation; the book itself is an archive of sorts, collecting a variety of pieces to make a remarkable whole.

I thought I would love this but it just left me cold for some reason.

4.5 stars. I had never really thought of the concept of writing an autobiography of someone else until this book. I loved the intersection between Shapland reflecting on her own life experiences and the attempt to document and infer those of McCullers. Also the short chapters (if I should even call them that) and interspersing of tidbits from both of their lives really made it feel like I was there with Shapland, discovering and learning and documenting and reflecting. There were a couple lines in here that almost made me cry. Also a good bit of situating McCullers life in the historical time period. I actually would have liked more as it relates to the gay rights movement and the experience of being gay during McCarthyism/the lavender scare but i totally get that that wasn’t the “point” of this book. The fact that until the very end of her writing this book, Shapland doubted her instincts, and the legitimacy of the clear expression of wlw in Carson’s life is a testament to how far we still have to go.

My main qualm is that I wanted more. And it’s quite possible that Shapland couldn’t give more and stay true to the fact that she only had so much information to pull from. This is my issue with wanting to be so deeply inside the minds of characters — it’s impossible to get that from a real person. The closest thing I think is therapy in many ways… I so badly want to read those transcripts !!! And I wish there was a deeper discussion of the manifestation of closeted queerness into mental illness/substance abuse.

Added a good number of books onto my To Read list that were referenced in this one and some really interesting conceptions of love.

“‘We would’ve understood each other.’ The illusion: feeling understood by someone doesn’t equate to understanding them. But the illusion is powerful, convincing. It is rare to recognize when you are under its sway.”