It's not a bad book, especially for its time, but I do feel that a lot of it is outdated. There are more up-to-date resources on the subject now now and days.

I came to this book probably at a crucial period in my life. Perhaps some call it a mid-life crisis, I’m choosing to call it an awakening. An awakening to the fact that I need to make some changes for me; if I want fulfillment and happiness in my life, I need to search and find out what brings that to me for me - and not rely on other people to be that for me. This book is what fully opened my eyes and helped me come to a fuller realization of this truth.

So of course, I really appreciate this book. I find the stories, case-studies, to be helpful and relatable examples. I love Lerner’s caveat “approach all self-help books, including this one, with skepticism.” And the fact that she acknowledges and encourages glacial speeds for change; when someone is in a predicament of a situation, it’s understandable why they may not move towards change when it could have devastating outcomes.

This book stands the test of time. Written in the 80s and was (I imagine) probably pretty new research and ideas for the time, but still so relevant in today’s culture and society (i.e. no, “Mom guilt” is nothing new, Lerner was writing about it 40 years ago too).
I think every woman should read this book at least once in her life. This was my second read, first time being 2017/2018 and I got a lot more from this time around.

I learned SO MUCH from this book. Such a great read for any sort of relationship.

Therapist recommendation. Could be helpful to come back to in future for specific situations.

I discovered the work of Harriet Lerner while listening to a podcast on how to apologize. I wish I had found it sooner! Her work is about recognizing patterns and making conscious, thoughtful, and realistic choices to break those patterns.

I read 'The Dance of Anger' first, and while Lerner has much to say about underfunctioning/overfunctioning in relationships, this book didn't hit quite as well as the other. Her approach-- especially with respect to romantic relationships-- is dated, and with an original copyright date of 1989, it shows.

On the whole, some good tidbits, but I'd be more likely to recommend a more contemporary volume.

Got some good pieces of advice/perspective from this book that I’ll take with me