Raw, heartbreaking, honest, humorous, and beautiful. I devoured this.

Somehow, Judy Goldman wrapped the story of a medical mistake into a beautiful memoir about her marriage and how love can change you.
Savor the development of Judy and Henry's marriage, the arc of changes that come with children, careers, culture, age. Listen to them assert themselves and support each other. Look at the easy way they have with each other. Marvel at their big fights and at the fact they never say the word “divorce,” no matter what.
Despite the major medical mishap that has partially paralyzed Henry, this is a story of compromise, and part of that word is promise. They made a promise to each other, for better or worse.
Judy is saying, hey, we got this far, what’s a little paralysis along the way. At the same time, she’s furious, frightened and sure/unsure all the time. Should she be tough or quiet? Does she fight or listen? And look at Henry, not talking, not dominating, sitting or lying back, lost in his own thoughts, focused inwardly.
This memoir becomes a testament to what people who love each other can accomplish. How they can face the world with heads up and fears sorted. You owe it to your marriage to read it.
Full review at https://www.salisburypost.com/2019/02/03/in-together-judy-goldman-considers-trauma-and-love/

Not a fun read, but a well written piece on how a routine medical procedure went wrong and forever changed a couples life. The progressive disability in the husband struck a bit too close to home.

4.4 stars

This is an excellent memoir. I f0und myself really empathizing with Judy. She is such a strong woman, starting with how she called off the wedding to someone who she really didn't love so close to the actual wedding taking place.

Most of the memoir focused on her husband Henry's epidural for spinal pain that caused his lasting paralysis and how that affected their marriage and lives. So very heartbreaking.

While it is traumatic to happen at any age, I wonder if it's a bit easier that it happens in your 60s and after 40ish years of marriage rather than in your teen/20s and just got married? Still, it completely changes the dynamics of a relationship with yourself and others as well as the entire family.

It's difficult to not compare people's reactions to things like this. I know many people whose first inclination would be to sue. If one lawyer wouldn't take the case, they'd go through a long list to find someone who would. It's interesting how that wasn't the Goldmans' first inclination or even their second. How they merely wanted the physiatrist (who knew that was an occupation?!) to empathize and apologize.

I picked this up on a whim. I really liked Judy's writing style and the dueling chapters between the present and their past. She raises excellent points about marriage and I found her insights compelling. The "medical mystery" part was also fascinating but I could understand her anger and fears.

Okay, time for the Shallow Review:

Overall I liked it. Once I settled in the groove of Then/Now narration it worked for me. Shallow part? Good lawd the author really annoyed me sometimes. What’s with the Cracker Barrel hate? Fine dining it’s not, but it has never struck me as a place that I should order a “grilled cheese because they’re always safe.” Just one example of a self-proclaimed “Southern woman” being crazy snobby about southern things.

Otherwise it was fine. Just don’t go into it expecting a Southern person’s perspective because that’s not what you’ll get.

I was not expecting to read this book in one sitting when I bought it. Incredibly memorable, personable & relatable, no matter your circumstances. Offers perspective we can all use and need right now, too. One of my favorite reads in recent years.