One of the worst books I have ever red!! Not because it is badly written, but because the way this book speaks about/describes so many severe(!!) mental health issues in a casual/sarcastic way is just offputting to me. The ending just left me completely clueless and speechless what inspiration/message one should take from this book. There need to be trigger warnings for depression, suicidal behaviour/tendencies, drug abuse/addiction and so many more things. This book is honestly just weird and disturbing. 

On the way back from a trip I saw the cover of this book sitting amongst a bargain display at the airport and instantly felt a connection to the cover (the modern vintage version) without any research (turns out it’s the same author as Lapnova) I knew I had to read this and see why.

Part Chuck Palahuink’s Invisible Monsters and unashamedly self announced part Girl, Interrupted, this story is a narcissistic walk through trauma, deep seated sadness and a hunger that can never be filled.

Also don’t get me wrong the protagonist is quite possibly one of the worst people you can imagine. I’m still in two minds whether the casual cruelty, amongst many other severe character flaws, was a self defence mechanism to what seemed like an unloving childhood beautifully exaggerated from her relationship with Trevor, someone incapable of giving her any form of love and the self degradation she would enact to test this or if she was just fundamentally a cliched spoiled “brat” but her insight into her other relationships has me leaning towards the former. (I did have to physically scold myself at laughing at some of the retorts given to Reva at multiple parts though soooo there’s that)

I think what really connected in this book for me was a very real representation of someone slowly and assuredly completing suicide, whether this is to be taken in the form of a metaphysical one which based on the last chapters  is implied or on the bulk of the book it’s actually a very real representation of this that most times is given a Hollywood glamour as such. She starts sleeping too in her own words, avoid feeling. Craving this numbness her life revolves around this void, her lack of eating, caring about her appearance or personal hygiene, the active want to destroy personal relationships and her addition to her only release, willing to harm herself in anyway to achieve it. The way the writing becomes more frantic as she was in the throws of a not sleeping “episode” really worked to build tension and created a sense of panic in us the reader.

I think for all the nuanced ways this is eluded to in the book but never cemented is the biggest characteristic of the Girl, Interrupted comparison, the way Wyona Ryder casually compares her Aspirin Vodka chaser to a light headache cure echoed in my mind every time the protagonist felt “tired” eventually building to a severe tug on the heart strings after her last confession to her Doctor which of-course didn’t elicit sympathy but an understanding into her sadness which I felt gave the story a beautiful “ah-ha moment” but also again brought about panic and had me hurdling through the rest of the book.

I truly don’t think this book is for everyone and I definitely don’t think many would consider it 5 stars but for honestly and openly talking about some of the things discussed such as grief, abandonment, depression, discontent and degradation without the need to give us a glamorous hero to root for is something I can’t help but applaud. You won’t finish this book inspired with a new sense of self as the last few pages ensures but when reading it you will get to have a light chat with the darker parts of yourself and maybe an odd laugh here or there if you let yourself.

finished it on december 31st, 2024. funny. absurd. raw. tough. i genuinely enjoyed it, and it was the perfect book for me to read at the end of the year.

There's a level of unhingeness that made me not want to stop reading.

I mostly enjoyed reading it. The writing was good although the characters were very predictable and unlovable, they felt kind of true despite all the stereotypes. I felt a little disappointed with the end. And a little lost about the meaning of all of it or at least what to make of it. Maybe it will come to me later.